The Dark Side of Working From Home - S04E02

On this week’s show Kristin and I are digging into the dark side of working from home and some of the unforeseen mental health risks that can occur.

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DISCALIMER:
The views expressed on the Hey Let Me Ask You Something Podcast are solely the opinions of your hosts Kristin Wood and Ralph Andracchio and are based on their years of practical and clinical experience. These opinions do not constitute any kind of advice, diagnosis, or treatment of any mental, physical, or emotional issues. If you are having an emergency or any serious ongoing situations please contact your local hospital or a trusted professional.

Transcript

The Hey Let Me Ask You Something Podcast
Season 04
Episode 02
The Dark Side Of Working From Home

[MUSIC INTRO PLAYS]

Ralph Andracchio  
It's time to get curious. It's the Hey Let Me Ask You Something podcast. The show dedicated to inspiring more people to ask more questions and have more interesting conversations. On this week's show. Kristin and I are digging into the dark side of working from home and some of the unforeseen mental health risks that can occur. 

Ralph Andracchio  
There's a lot of alone time and some alone time is great but a little too much can be a little too much. Balancing working from home with connecting with other people you know, connecting with your family. Having going out and doing things and then what does that do to your emotional state and how it changes how you relate to other people.

Kristin Wood  
You know, I think we all went through that period of adjustment. That was hard right? And then you adjusted and you're like okay I got this, but I don't think a lot of people recognized the long term effects of what being at home so much being possibly alone so much, or for some people maybe being around everybody in their home so much how that the long term effects that that can have.

Ralph Andracchio  
The best way for you to help us inspire more conversations and easily find more of our killer content is to hit that subscribe button and share the show with your friends. And check us out on YouTube if you want to see us as well as us. And remember, we love that you're listening but this show is for entertainment and we are not your therapist or your coach. We are not providing professional advice either from us or guests. Give the full disclaimer in the show notes a once over for more info on that. All right my friends. Let's start the conversation.

Ralph Andracchio  
Got all the crap out of our system now is the time to really do it, we're doing it for real this time. 

Kristin Wood  
Time for a really fun episode. We had to deal with some noise.

Ralph Andracchio  
We had to start over as soon as we started recording. Philly... it was ambulance -  it's ambulance season. So all the local ambulances came out to say hi and mate and make more ambulances. I think that's how it works. So ambulance mating season. Um, hi.

Kristin Wood  
Hi

Ralph Andracchio  
Welcome back. 

Kristin Wood  
I know 

Ralph Andracchio  
Everybody's favorite. favorite game show. Hey, let me ask you something. There are no, there definitely is no cash. 

Kristin Wood  
No prizes

Ralph Andracchio  
No prizes.

Kristin Wood  
But it's a game anyway. 

Ralph Andracchio  
But it's a game anyway. 

Kristin Wood  
It's ours and we can call it whatever we want. We're calling it a game today.

Ralph Andracchio  
It is a game today. Hey let me ask you something and today let's get a little deep. Get a little deep. I'm I feel like I'm going through some stuff that everybody - that some people that are listening it may resonate with them. And why not share?

Kristin Wood  
Why not? It's on your brain.

Ralph Andracchio  
It's on my brain.

Kristin Wood  
It's I think very relatable and could be helpful for you and for our listeners.

Ralph Andracchio  
For me, it's free therapy. For our listeners, they get to listen in. I thought it would be interesting today to talk about working from home specifically the dark side of working from home. Dun dun dun dun.

Kristin Wood  
This is this is a dark episode.

Ralph Andracchio  
Well, no. I mean, we've we've been talking a lot on the show about the pros of working from home. How companies should offer working from home more and more flexibility in everybody's schedules more you know hybrid of office versus home. But we never really I think dug into the opposite of what could happen. Being - excuse me - being I don't know well we can list them off. I mean, there's a lot of time alone, especially if you if the rest of your family doesn't work from home or if you're by yourself or you know, there's a lot of alone time and some alone time is great, but a little too much can be a little too much. You know, so it's like balancing, working from home with connecting with other people. You know, connecting with your family, going out and doing things and then what does that do to your emotional state and how it changes how you relate to other people. 

Kristin Wood  
Oh, yeah. 

Ralph Andracchio  
Because you know, speaking for myself, digging in digging in right off the bat. Digging in with Ralph that's the new name of the season digging in with Ralph. It's, uh, you know, I've been working from home in some capacity since before COVID began because my business started over three years ago, before the pandemic hit. And everything I've done has always been virtual for my business, you know, comedy wise, I would still go out and teach classes and do shows and have workshops with classes. I mean, with groups with teams, so I still had that like going out and interacting with other human beings in face to face but since the pandemic started all that stopped, you know, the comedy stuff stopped. And so it was just my business. And recently, my business has been a little slower than I would like. And so, for me, that compounded you know, when you take everything else away, you're just at home by yourself.

Kristin Wood  
Right. 

Ralph Andracchio  
And so, for me it's like I've I've been coming to realize I am dealing with a lot more in my brain. Could I call it depression? Sure. Dare I dare I self diagnosed with depression. But I think it's important to talk about it because I think other people are dealing with the same thing. You know, just anecdotally friends I've talked to, some say the same thing of like, you know, it really does change the makeup of your brain. And I've talked about this with my partner Dan too. A lot of times we'll say, you know, what, should we be going out more? Or should we be talking to people more and it's like, we've gotten so used to and comfortable with just being home by ourselves watching TV, making our own schedule. Now that everybody's like, hey, let's all go out and do stuff. We're like, Ah, I dunno if I want to so I think there's a lot to talk to you here about the dark side of working from home so much. If you don't have anything else to balance it out how it can kind of like push you off into the deep end of the pool. What are your What are your initial thoughts about everything I've laid on the table so far?

Kristin Wood  
Yeah, I I've just a lot of people that I've been working with, have talked about anxiety about trying to be social again, just not used to it. And being like you said, so used to being at home, not necessarily wanting to but feeling like they should. And I've had I was telling Ralph before we started I've had a couple people realize how that how depressed they bit like didn't realize it and they're realizing it now and is it all COVID? No, it's various things but a lot of it also may have to do with the fact that we're stuck, you know, stuck at home and not always noticing. You know, I think we all went through that period of adjustment. That was hard, right? And then you adjusted, and you're like, okay, I got this, but I don't think a lot of people recognized the long term effects of what being home so much being possibly alone so much, or for some people maybe being around everybody in their home so much how that the long term effects that that can have, like how do we integrate back? What does that look like what I want it to look like what should it look like?

Ralph Andracchio  
Too much of a good thing. Because I think, I think at the beginning when we were all forced to be at home. For some I think it was and I'm assuming but I don't think so. I think it was a nice respite from a lot of stuff and I feel it was a nice change of pace and a nice shifting of gears to like, Oh, I get to stay home and make my own schedule and do this and like laundry and talking to friends... like it was it was this new fun interesting thing that we've never done before. Because we're America and in other parts of the world. This is like nothing like oh, you want to work from home a lot? great Go ahead you know? Take a nap. Sure. Siesta? Fantastic, Of course. Why not? But here not so much. And so I think it was giving us a taste of what it could be like and as it wore on over a year over two years now. You know, we're in year three. It's too much of a good thing and I think yes, we preach finding the balance. You know what works for you and everything but I feel like it can be very difficult. I think that that's like perfect world finding the balance that works and if you can great, but I think a lot of people are struggling with finding what works.

Kristin Wood  
Yeah, and I think that what's been interesting too, is that the just a few people I've talked to that have gone back into an office that were nervous and or dreading it have turned around and been like, it's great. It's actually great. I enjoy getting up. I enjoy getting dressed. I enjoy being around people all day. They've had, you know, they've been like, oh, maybe, you know, maybe this is what I want to do, whether it's a hybrid or full time back, whatever. But yeah, I think that I don't know. I just think I think that I lost my train of thought as I do every episode...

Ralph Andracchio  
Losing my train of thought with Kristin Wood.

Kristin Wood  
I swear if this was at like... we recorded at like 10 in the morning. I'd be like all my coffee like oh yeah, got it.

Ralph Andracchio  
We could drink coffee before we do the episode

Kristin Wood  
Yeah, I just think that I can speak for myself in this in this aspect. I am extremely extroverted and I don't like to be secluded from people. And to be honest with you COVID scared me most because of that. And I think I've been on ever since things opened even a little I mean I follow the rules but as soon as we were able to do my thing I was out there I've been doing it and as you know, I was out and about all that summer and now I'm feeling like okay, maybe calm down a little bit like, you know, what's the balance again, I know summer's coming I'll probably be out a lot but like I feel like I kind of went on overdrive. I don't think I'm the norm I don't know if there's other people out there that could relate but I was the one that would get FOMO in five minutes. And all it needed was for one person asked me to do something and I was out I was going I was doing it. And so but that that isn't doesn't necessarily work either. I think I may not be the majority but I feel like it's like okay, so how do you meet your own needs that you have whatever they are in an honest way and not go too far to the other extreme either

Ralph Andracchio  
What and even what are my needs anyway? You know because right now it's like get up make sure I'm I shower at some point during the day you know eat something I'm I'm joking a little bit you know I've I've made sure I have a routine where you know I get up at a certain - I get up at seven in the morning every day, take a shower, workout, you know, eat breakfast do my thing. So I've tried... 

Kristin Wood  
You take a shower before you work out? 

Ralph Andracchio  
No 

Kristin Wood  
After okay sorry just checking. That was that was just not important to clarify.

Ralph Andracchio  
I can I can go in certain little little steps I get up I brush my teeth. I go downstairs I work out and then I take a shower then I eat breakfast and then I start my workday yeah no, thank you. I'm glad you gave me the opportunity to clarify. I don't want people to think I'm some weirdo who showers before they work out.

Kristin Wood  
No I know people that do that. And I've done like once. I had to do it recently

Ralph Andracchio  
Why? 

Kristin Wood  
Here I'll tell you a quick story. 

Ralph Andracchio  
You don't have to share if you don't want to. 

Kristin Wood  
No I will so over the weekend I was away on Saturday night. And I knew that we're turning the power off because there was like a million signs about it at like six o'clock in the morning on Sunday, but I didn't see the part that that was supposed to go till 2pm I missed that I thought was like oh two hours I'll be asleep whatever is fine. And so I like came back not showered from from my trip to Jersey. And I was like, oh my god, I now can't get in the shower here either. And no one could get in the shower. So we all ended up going to brunch across the street. And we're all dirty with like baseball hats on and everything. And then like I got lazy and I didn't really shower. But Monday morning rolls around and I'm filthy. And I'm going to play tennis. I was like so grossed out myself that I had to get in the shower before because I was like alright, this is now I'm very I have to shower every day. I'm one of these people so some people can be like that's no big deal right for me. I feel Yeah. So I did. I had to take a quick little rinse-a-roo before I - I couldn't go near any more people without bathing myself.

Ralph Andracchio  
Well see that's understandable. But I I'm I'm curious if there's people who like make it a point to shower before they work out.

Kristin Wood  
I'm sure they have a reason if they do. They're out there.

Ralph Andracchio  
I mean, I have to take showers every day because I am a stinky little boy. Like really - I 

Kristin Wood  
You're like Pig Pen. 

Ralph Andracchio  
Yeah, there's a cloud of debris around me when I go anywhere. No, I when I was in college and I was in the dorms. I used to make I used to make my roommate hungry because when I didn't shower for a day I used to smell like hoagies. A really good Italian hoagie. 

Kristin Wood  
Well, that's not a terrible thing. 

Ralph Andracchio  
But yeah, no, I have to shower every day just for everybody else's sake. 

Kristin Wood  
Okay, well, I appreciate your showering.

Ralph Andracchio  
You're very welcome. You're very welcome.

Kristin Wood  
I've never smelled hoagie on you once. Not even a bad smell at all, and I have very, like a very strong sense of smell. 

Ralph Andracchio  
Okay, good. 

Kristin Wood  
So you're in the good.

Ralph Andracchio  
See that's - Dan says that too. Dan thinks he's Wolverine and he's like I can smell anything a mile away. I'm like, No, you can't. You're your smoker.

Ralph Andracchio  
I can smell a lot. Sometimes I don't want to smell it's way worse than a hoagie. 

Ralph Andracchio  
I think I have an average sense of smell but sometimes I can smell stuff that he can't.

Kristin Wood  
Well then. Yeah, that's, you know,

Ralph Andracchio  
I guess we complement each other then. Getting the - I get the smells he doesn't I catch the smells he doesn't. Anyway. going on a tangent with Ralph and Kristin. Excuse me. I'm very gassy today too. I apologize to everybody listening. 

Kristin Wood  
Really lettin' it all out. 

Ralph Andracchio  
Laying it all out on the table today. No, but I think that balance is that that regimen that schedule is necessary because I definitely am somebody who can find myself if I don't have anything to do any given day. I will just lay on the couch and watch Netflix and do nothing. I you know, I'll I'll roll over and if something falls into my mouth, I'll eat it, you know, but it's not like you know, I make a point to do anything. So for me, I know myself enough that I need to have that regimen but as the quarantine has worn on and now that we're coming out of it. I'm struggling with. Again, it's like when we went into it what's the new normal like how do I navigate this working from home and being quarantined from everybody and I think now coming out the other end of it. I'm the opposite. I'm like, Okay, how do I now reintegrate myself into society and not feel guilty or weird or anything about you know, should I be distancing should I be wearing masks? I mean, unless you know, so that's, I think that's what I'm struggling with right now.

Kristin Wood  
I also think, I don't know if this is just a theory I have that for some people. There might have been a level of depression. That wasn't even recognized because they were just at home doing nothing because there wasn't a lot to do or it was too risky to do. And then when, like stuffs been lifted and people are going out. Those individuals are finding themselves like I don't want to go out. And I don't I don't feel the motivation and I think that's also been maybe a little bit little bit of the factor a little bit of a factor rather and people recognizing... Shoot, maybe I'm depressed and I didn't know I was that's what's been interesting to me recently is like the whole it's like a few people but they've been like I didn't realize that this has been going on this long. And some of its been stuff we're talking more about today and some of this but other stuff but yeah, people not knowing how not feeling motivated to

Ralph Andracchio  
Go out. 

Kristin Wood  
Yeah. 

Ralph Andracchio  
Yeah, I'm in that boat rowing along with everybody else, you know, it's an I, I am having more opportunities now that my - the comedy world is starting to pick back up again and open back up. I'm having more opportunities to teach, teach classes and run workshops and work with teams on a regular basis. And sometimes I find myself like the beginning of that day. being like, Oh, I have to go out and do this. It's like, and I know, some of it is I'm just used to being inside. And I have to get over myself and like get back outside because as soon as I go outside, I'm like this is wonderful. There's sun and air and people and then some of it is imposter syndrome because I struggle with that a ton. And so that pops its head up and it's like you really don't deserve to go out there and do that. You should probably just stay home. And then some of it is this mild like low level depression. I think a lot of us are struggling with like it's been so long since I've stepped foot outside or like had a quote unquote normal life. So there's a lot of factors I think, at least in my case that are playing into me struggling with just getting back into you know what, what some semblance of like what life was like before.

Kristin Wood  
Right? I am optimistic though because they do know that the weather does make people feel a lot better. Yeah. And be more and feel safer going to do things because you can do way more outside. For those of you and other states. We are we are on the very cusp of getting warmer. It's not right. Yeah, it's not yet but it wasn't for a second. It might we might have another week. I'm thinking another week. Like maybe like a fairly decent week next week, but I feel like we're coming out at least my fingers are crossed. We are minor too. But it makes people reported to me all the time. And I experienced it and you know there's just there's more to do. Like I said, you can feel safer going out to eat if you're somebody that's been afraid you can sit outside now that feels bad, you know like so I am hoping that does help people that are you know, in this situation of feeling that way. Oh my god, like you have clinical depression that's a whole other ball whack but I mean, if you're the this sort of the aftermath of COVID and I've always been interested obviously because it's a different thing. Of how COVID was going to help affect everyone with mental health mental health. I also think though, like I said, people like you were mentioning earlier that the people that like maybe they're introverts are super introverts are super shires, super bad social anxiety. We're like yes, I don't want to go out in the beginning of a pandemic, but I've heard from people that fall into those categories that are now like alright, enough already. I gotta get out. So even like those individuals are realizing this is not good anymore. Even if it's done so much so hard to do it again. And maybe even harder.

Ralph Andracchio  
Yeah, to to switch gears. Not quickly. I was gonna say switch gears quickly, but I feel like right now, there's been so much conflicting information 

Kristin Wood  
Yeah like one step forward, one step back. 

Ralph Andracchio  
Right. Like okay, wear your masks don't wear masks. There's a mandate then there's not. I realize it's all a you know, an abundance of caution because we don't want a new strain to pop up where it's like, Well, this one's 100% fatal, so everybody stay the f inside you know.

Kristin Wood  
You're allowed to say f? 

Ralph Andracchio  
I can say f that's not Yes. It's just a letter. Take, take it what from what you will fill in the blank wherever you want. It. It's hard, I think to figure out what what I'm supposed to do. You know, not only what's right for me, but what am I supposed to do in terms of work in terms of society in terms of friend circle, family, you know, what, what are my responsibilities now? That things have are lifted in the world? It's kind of starting to get back into the swing of things.

Kristin Wood  
Agreed. I think I, as I said, have been going out as much as I'm allowed and this makes us fall in the rules because I just that's me. But I think that as far as my business is concerned, and my clients, if any of them are listening know this. I've been asking them I've been trying to figure that you and I talk today and we've talked before about what what am I going to do next? What are we doing because I don't want to necessarily stay in my place for the rest of my life with my business. I'd like to figure out whatever is gonna work best. And I feel very conflicted about it. But I also think, you know, what's responsible even still, what's safe, given your who you live? With what you believe in what makes you feel comfortable? I still think is a thing and also for people that are having that fear rejection from others are true are always worried about what other people think you know, people maybe with some self esteem stuff. This is very difficult because this situation is not like one, there's the CDC, right? And there's the city and state, whatever, whoever telling you what and that's that but like after that it's kind of like you're on your own to figure it out. For yourself. And this person is doing this and believes this, this person's not doing that believes that and that could all be within your life, right? So figuring out what you think and what you want to do and how you want to navigate this. It puts a lot of pressure to be a very personal decision, really. And if you're constantly looking to other people, you're gonna get nowhere because everybody's everybody's literally all over the place. I think even within your own, like I said, your own circle. And I've seen that was my clients really having to trust themselves and figure out for themselves without looking into other people and trying to deal with that fear of rejection of like, what do I think makes sense? What do I think makes me feel comfortable, which in some weird way is good that is forcing them to do that I didn't want it to be COVID. But it's also a challenge. So another level of being challenging for those types of people dealing with those types of things.

Ralph Andracchio  
Yeah, and I think it bears repeating. I think you you hit it on the head, you know, do what you feel is right for you. I'm I still wear my mask in the supermarket. I wear my mask on the subway, because I don't know about anybody else, but I have enjoyed not being sick for three years. You know? So if I if I and, you know, I just don't want to get COVID And so, I'm gonna wear my mask in places where I feel like I need to wear my mask. I don't care about what anybody else thinks I'm riding the subway and I see less and less people wearing their masks. And you know what, that's okay. They're doing what's right for them. I'lldo what's right for me, I'm gonna wear my mask, because I feel safer. And you know, in terms of hanging out with people and going out and doing stuff, I am not going out every night and like partying it up. But... 

Kristin Wood  
You goin' to The Club? 

Ralph Andracchio  
I'm going to the club, tearin' it up in the club. I don't know what the kids are doing these days. They still tearing stuff up? They being more respectful? I don't know. It. It For Me it's you know, I'll go out once or twice a week. See people do things but I've also learned during the pandemic that I am I thought I was an extrovert but I'm actually an introverted extrovert, like, I love going out and I love seeing people but very, like specific times of the week and then once I go out, then I take a day or two to recharge my batteries and do other things and I go out again, so And I'm okay with that. I've learned that that's who I am. And that's how I work and that's cool. Yeah,

Kristin Wood  
I think a lot a lot of people I know are like that. I'm like an extrovert. I can't getenough of people. I'm but I think a lot of people are like that. I think people can present as extroverts when they're really introverts just because they know how to go out they like to be social, or and or they know how to navigate and present as though they like it. And then but the difference is what you gain or need afterwards, like an introvert needs to go recharge, an extrovert gets charged and energized from the actual social interaction.

Ralph Andracchio  
And I think for me, a lot of it is just from performing so much I am used to like giving it 110% When I'm on stage when I'm teaching a class when I'm doing a workshop and then I need I like when by the time I'm done I'm actually really tired because need to go and take a nap because I had so much fun and I did so much stuff that it's and that's okay like I've I think if I've learned anything it's like not to second guess myself when I need something like I listen to my body more and like if I need a nap want to take a nap. If I want to go out and hang out we're gonna go out and hang out like and I don't judge it like Oh, Should I really go out tonight? Sure, you know, I'm not I'm not going to go on a bender and you know wake up three days later and pick him see, like I used to Yeah, it's, it's, it's finding what works best for you. But I think being so long in in a state where we've had to work from home and we've had to be isolated for each other. Like you said, a lot of these underlying issues that maybe people didn't know about, have been exacerbated. And now people are kind of dealing with the aftermath of Oh my god. Am I really depressed? Am I really an introvert? I mean, I really feel this way about a lot of stuff. And it's okay, I think, what I wanted to do and sharing how I'm feeling right now is opening up the conversation with everybody else to say it's cool, you know, not at all. Nobody has 100% of their crap together. Nope. No matter what anybody says or how anybody looks. That person in your life that seems to have 100% of their things together trying to be like that you're trying to be like, they absolutely I can tell you with 100% certainty they do not have their their act together. There is something that they're struggling with. There's something that they're not sharing with the world. We all do it. So you know, eyes on your own paper.

Kristin Wood  
You just brought me back to like high school

Ralph Andracchio  
Eyes on your - head down. Eyes on your own paper do your work.

Kristin Wood  
Yeah, um... my train of thought. Yeah, I think that it's just I think like we've talked about already, we've touched on how, in the business world people's jobs so many people now are rethinking their jobs. And people are, I mean, I've got a bunch bunch with several clients who are leaving or have left there's been a lot of moving going on. So a lot of that going on. People reevaluating whether they're happy with their job. I think that that's happened with you and I as well, right. It's the effects for everybody, I think, unless you already worked at home, working from home changes the way your your you function and your job the way your job goes, it changes and for some people, it's been awesome. And they're like, oh my god, this is what I want to deal with this company will let me do it then I'm going somewhere else or my companies. Let me do it. And yeah, this is awesome. And then for other people, it's been like this is not working at all, and I can't do this or whatever the case may be, and there's lots of in betweens, but I definitely think that's why we're seeing some kind of an another kind of segwayed over here, but segway I think that that's another reason why you want to I have both talked about it. And I'm sure our listeners have seen it. So much changes happening within workplaces within the organization within the way they organize themselves with what they expect of their employees, with people being like I'm not doing this anymore because now they've been at home and like I do this better. There's been a lot of moving and shaken within the workforce and quite a few people I know that have changed left jobs, started careers, whatever, stopped careers. There's a lot that's going on in that

Ralph Andracchio  
And I've heard horror stories of companies that are forcing people to come back full time no more work from home, no more hybrid, anything I want to see in the office working and it's it's not healthy number one. It's it's a relic of the old way we used to do business and it's quite frankly, and feel free to push back but I in my opinion, its management, its leaders who do not know how to lead...

Kristin Wood  
Agreed 

Ralph Andracchio  
Period. I think it's I think if you're a manager or somebody in a position that's leading a team that is struggling with leading a team virtually there's there's tools that you're missing that are available to you that you can you can use to more effectively lead people remotely, and it's a little thing but it made me think of when I do trainings. I've you know, over the past few years, I've done a lot of corporate trainings and they've all been virtual. They've all been online through zoom. And I've recently made it a point because I've been thinking about it too at the beginning say you don't have to have your camera on. If you want to have a camera on okay to your level of comfort if you want to have it on great. If not, you don't have to turn your camera on. Just be a part of the conversation. You know, I want to hear your voice. I want to hear your opinions I want I want to know that. You know you're getting as much value out of this as you can. I want to know if you have questions or comments or observations about stuff. I don't need to see you. You know, like, I know you're here. I know you're present. You're listening. And I feel like it's a good thing to do that and I feel like if you're part of a group where it's like mandatory to turn your camera on and wear a certain thing and look a certain way. Again, it's a relic and a throwback to you know, I need to see you to know that you're working and I know we've we've veered off into weird territory

Kristin Wood  
We really kind of haven't because, like, not so much sort of the zoom thing, but I think we talked we touched on this in some episode I remember, but the disregard in those tech companies that are just like okay, now this is what we're doing where I'm right back where we were I think that disregard for this entire experience and how it's affected people. Is goes back to I mean a different way of the dark that you're like ripping someone out of the potentially good potentially bad potentially in between the different work environment that we were forced to acclimate to throwing them back in and expecting people to perform it. You know, and that's disregarding the effects of what it's like to be working from home for two years or whatever it's been, and then expecting them to just like be planted back in and like life goes on. So I think that the adjustment, the adaptation, the mental health pieces, the relationship pieces, there's so many pieces to what this pandemic is done that to disregard them is irresponsible, unfair and probably not going to work well. So it's not like people really want to go back to having everyone back in the office. Great, but I think for a lot of the places that people have been talking to, they've done it more like a gradual like you come back to it, which to me seems a little more you know, all right, and like okay, that may be the one to bring them all back at once but this expectation of only I know we talked about this, I just don't want it we couldn't figure out archives but it's no, it just seems to just like totally disregard and like not care about what it's been like for people for the past two years. And that might be positive or negative or mixture of both.

Ralph Andracchio  
It feels to me like the, the corporations are saying, Okay, that was fun. We all had our fun. Now everybody come back, you know, we're gonna do adult stuff now. 

Kristin Wood  
Take off your pajamas 

Ralph Andracchio  
Take off your life and rejoin the real the real workforce, you know, it's screw that, that the wife again, I'm gonna, I'm gonna say this again. I say it before. I'll say it again. You hired me to do a specific thing. How I do that thing should not matter. As long as I'm doing the thing you hired me to do and getting results that you want and providing value to the company. It shouldn't matter how I do. I sit in my underwear. If I sit in my underwear and type on my keyboard for eight hours a day as long as I'm getting my work done, you know?

Kristin Wood  
And not on a Zoom call. That you need to show your self.

Ralph Andracchio  
Oh my god. I do this with Dan, my partner Dan a. He complains a lot because his whole day is just meeting meeting, meeting meeting meeting and I'm like, why are you in so many meetings? And a lot of times he tells me stories. I won't go into the mic because I don't want it to get back to him or his company. But it seems to me hearing his stories. A lot of it is like I need to have a meeting with my team. So it looks like I'm working. It looks like I'm doing and then all during the meeting. Now. There's those people we all know those people who like Oh, can you go back a slide. I wanted to ask a question about back and we started back. Yeah, I want to be proactive and circle back to that thing that we synergized about two minutes. Like you're doing this. It's like they're reading off the list of things to say in a meeting so you look like you're listening. And it's so performative. If you're in a job that more than more than half of it is like performative work where you're like, Oh, we all need to meet so we look like we're working are like, Oh, you need to be on camera so I can see you working like if there's those performative aspects of your job. Look for something else, a bigger problem. That's a bigger problem. And it's not you it has nothing to do with you. It's the culture that needs to change. And I think everything we're talking about now is what makes you know, going certainly back to like the dark side of working from home so much. This is all the stuff that makes it so tough to figure out what the heck I'm supposed to be doing now that the world is opening back up and should I keep working from home? Is it detrimental to my mental health and well being? Should I go back into work? Are you am I being forced to go back into work and do something I'm not ready to start doing? You know, these are all valid questions that people need to think about. As they're like thinking about what to do next. You know is is this the right job for me? Is this the right thing I should be doing? should I should I make room in my life for other opportunities because I'm going through that right now and I need a little bit of extra room in my life. And it immediately got filled with these wonderful opportunities. That I've been waiting for that are super fun. And all I had to do was make the decision to open up a little bit of space in my life for them to happen, and it happened you know, so that's another thing to consider is like, am I holding on to things just because I'm afraid of what's going to happen if I have that empty space?

Kristin Wood  
Absolutely. I love that was that was very nice. 

Ralph Andracchio  
Thank you. I appreciate that 

Kristin Wood  
I had another thought, but I don't know if we have time. 

Ralph Andracchio  
Yeah, we do. 

Kristin Wood  
All right.

Ralph Andracchio  
This is our show. We have as much time as we want.

Kristin Wood  
I had a little thought of spending maybe a little bit of time. On the relationship aspect of this meaning how does everything we've been talking about the being so isolated, perhaps being depressed or anxious, perhaps whatever the case may be, and family to and friends like? I guess family in particular, I was a little bit in my head with have a sense of Okay. family dynamics or family dynamics, there are things right. And unfortunately, because even if it's a difficult family dynamic, we've been very a lot of people I've been lucky to not be in that situation as bad as difficult. So my situation has been it's difficult some but we've been very separated and not been able to spend holidays bah bah bah. So thou we things are opening up and so a like what is safe now and be again, I don't want to spend too much time because I know we've already been going for 38 minutes but I can my brain if I bring it up Yeah. And then sometimes going back into the family unit, whatever was individuals, parents or siblings and having having not been with them can then stir up a whole bunch of other things that we all have in our families. That also can be difficult. So I don't know my brain went there for a minute.

Ralph Andracchio  
No, totally valid of like. Again, it's like we've had this respite from these dynamics that may have existed forever. But now that we've had an absence of them for a while, it feels like they're rushing back with a vengeance. But it's really just kind of returning to the status quo the way it was before, I think in my point of view, but also to piggyback on that. I think opening up to your friends and family if you have a close relationship with people in your circle, no matter if they're friends, family, whatever. Not keeping things to yourself especially like what I've been talking about today a lot about like feeling depressed and a little lost and like what did you know what's my next move? What is good is the next year you know, half of the year gonna look like the more I have talked about it with you with my partner with friends. I realize a lot of people feel the same exact way I do. I am not alone. I'm not isolated. I'm not this weird outlier other and the more you can trust yourself to open up and the more you can trust other people to open up to them and say, Hey, I'm feeling this way. Do you feel this way too? I guarantee you more than 75% of the time somebody's gonna be like, Oh my God, yes. In some way. And you know, if you widen the net a little bit more to feel like I kind of feel like that or like some aspect of it. It's going to be like 90% of the people you talk to you're going to feel in some way you what you do. So don't keep it to yourself, I think is yeah, please open up have somebody you know if you have somebody you can talk to, if you're going through it, open up and say hey, do you feel this way to like, I'm kind of struggling with this thing? Or like I feel a certain way about work or about working from home and I guarantee you somebody's gonna be like, Oh my God. Yeah, me too. 

Kristin Wood  
Yeah. absolutely. 

Ralph Andracchio  
So don't Don't keep it to yourself. How do we I always I always kind of struggled a little bit with how to how to end these 

Kristin Wood  
With a song? 

Ralph Andracchio  
With a little a little rainbow connection for everybody. Oh my God, every time I if that song if I'm walking or running or exercising and rainbow connection comes on my phone, I have to immediately turn it off because I will ball like a 5 year old.

Kristin Wood  
I want to lay down the ground and be in the fetal but like I'm happily crying.

Ralph Andracchio  
Oh, yeah, it's just and - oh, I actually heard that. That's not everybody does that. Like not everybody is capable of getting the feels when you're listening to music. It's a very small percentage of people actually. 

Kristin Wood  
Really? 

Ralph Andracchio  
Yeah,

Kristin Wood  
I should know this.

Ralph Andracchio  
I get chills when I hear a song or like I get emotional when I hear something. Right. That's I heard that is actually not - it's a minority of the people who actually get to feel that and I feel sad for people who can't feel that.

Kristin Wood  
I listen to music all day unless I'm working TV or music is on

Ralph Andracchio  
Music taps into like these very primal parts of my brain where it's like, I'm happy that I can like as soon as rainbow connection comes on I'm like [crying]

Kristin Wood  
But like have you ever met people that don't really like music? I have met one or two of these people and I'm like wow.

Ralph Andracchio  
Or people who don't have an inner monologue. Like there's some people who don't have... 

Kristin Wood  
It's just noise? 

Ralph Andracchio  
No there's just silence.

Kristin Wood  
Oh, no, no, that's not me.

Ralph Andracchio  
Yeah, there's some people that don't have...

Kristin Wood  
That's seriously the other side of the pendulum from me. 

Ralph Andracchio  
They don't talk to themselves or like have a monologue of 

Kristin Wood  
I couldn't even imagine what the amount of things that go on in here. No, I almost kind of welcome that. Could I borrow that for an hour? Because if it's not a grocery list, it's something else.

Ralph Andracchio  
Yeah. Yeah, no. I think the moral of the story for today is too much of a good thing can be bad. So if you are struggling with working from home, if you're struggling with being alone and depression, please reach out. You know, there's trusted professionals like Kristin here who are qualified and certified to help people talk through what they're going through, open up to friends and family. If you have a good relationship with somebody in your circle that you can talk to please do that. You're not alone. I guarantee you. There's somebody else out there who wants to talk to you who is feeling the same thing and struggling with the same thing. So...

Kristin Wood  
People tell me all the time and I you know, obviously I can't tell anyone any more than that. So they're out there.

Ralph Andracchio  
Yeah. And I mean, I'm, I'm a poster child for this, like, I will keep something inside because I'm like, Oh, this is weird. Nobody else feels this way. I feel like I'm not an adult or like I can't handle myself and and then as soon as I mentioned it to somebody, they're like, oh my god, you too? Inevitably without fail it happens. So please open up to somebody because I guarantee you somebody else is feeling the same way and you can talk about it.

Kristin Wood  
So here's to the sunny days of COVID and not the dark days. The sunny days of working from home.

Ralph Andracchio  
Yes. Agreed. Agreed. I was trying to think of some dad jokes, but I can't think of any right now. 

Kristin Wood  
It's okay. You can just laugh. Like you just do a great laugh like that. And then it's just 

Ralph Andracchio  
That wheezy laugh that I always have. 

Kristin Wood  
I know last time you scared yourself. 

Ralph Andracchio  
I did I scared myself a little bit. That is not great. I don't. I am not a smoker. I do not. I used to I don't anymore. All right. That's it. Signing off.

Kristin Wood  
Tell us what you think heyletmeaskyousomething@gmail. We would love to hear from you.

Ralph Andracchio  
Yes, all our information is in the show notes. Take a look at that. Please share this, this episode and many others with your friends. We want everybody to talk more. That's the whole point of the show is to inspire more people to ask more questions, and have more interesting conversations. So please do more of that. We love you. We'll see you next time. Bye.

Transcribed by https://otter.ai