How Can I Manage My Anxiety Monster?

On this week’s show Kristin and I are taking on my anxiety monster and talking about my recent bout of overwhelming anxiety, what anxiety looks like, who gets it, and how you can fight back against it.

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DISCALIMER:
The views expressed on the Hey Let Me Ask You Something Podcast are solely the opinions of your hosts Kristin Wood and Ralph Andracchio and are based on their years of practical and clinical experience. These opinions do not constitute any kind of advice, diagnosis, or treatment of any mental, physical, or emotional issues. If you are having an emergency or any serious ongoing situations please contact your local hospital or a trusted professional.

Transcript

The Hey Let Me Ask You Something Podcast
Season 04
Episode 08
How Can I Manage My Anxiety Monster? 

[MUSIC INTRO PLAYS]

Ralph Andracchio  
Time to get curious. It's the Hey Let Me Ask You Something Podcast. The show dedicated to inspiring more people to ask more questions and have more interesting conversations. On this week's show, Kristin and I are taking on my anxiety monster and talking about my recent bout of overwhelming anxiety, what anxiety looks like who gets it, and how you can fight back against it.

Kristin Wood  
No, but there's definitely like the loop, people call it, the anxiety loop while your brain just goes. Sometimes it's one topic sometimes it's a bunch of topics. of things to worry about, is catastrophizing, which basically means like this fear that all these things are going to happen but you have no evidence that it's going to happen.

Ralph Andracchio  
I think I've had it. I've had it forever. Like my entire life. I think I've been struggling with anxiety in some way, shape, or form. And I've heard as far back as I can remember, I have always had dreams about being chased being in danger being in a big storm.

Kristin Wood  
When it's bad, it takes over, but it's not you. Right. You know, it's it's something that matters manifests itself within you but if you look at it as like something that's not you, but somebody has kind of invaded you, I feel like it gives you more of a sense of empowerment of being able to manage it.

Ralph Andracchio  
The best way for you to help us inspire more conversations and easily find more of our great episodes is to hit that subscribe button and share the show with your friends. And check us out on YouTube if you want to see us as well as hear us. And remember we love that you're listening but this show is for entertainment and we are not your therapist or your coach. We are not providing professional advice either for us or our guests. Give the full disclaimer in the show notes a once over for more info on that. All right, my friends. Let's start the conversation.

Ralph Andracchio  
That was weird. 

Kristin Wood  
Everything good technically? 

Ralph Andracchio  
Everything technically is okay now please everybody, don't worry. Do not call the authorities everything. Do not call your local congressman. Everything's fine. Now one of the mics disappeared but it's back.

Kristin Wood  
Ralph does all this so if it fails guess who's not helpful. 

Ralph Andracchio  
This lady 

Kristin Wood  
This lady is zero help on the front. I just sit here and wait for Ralph to figure it out.

Ralph Andracchio  
It's all figured out. It's okay. We're good. We're going

Kristin Wood  
Did you miss this everyone?

Ralph Andracchio  
I missed everybody.

Kristin Wood  
Yeah, we had a little mini hiatus.

Ralph Andracchio  
We had a little mini hiatus. It's the temperatures got way too high here in Philadelphia. It is. It's still it's 93 degrees Fahrenheit here. 

Kristin Wood  
At what time? 

Ralph Andracchio  
At four at 510 in the evening, so I don't know what that is in Celsius. They don't teach us that in America. I have no idea. But it's hot. It's very hot. So we took a break.

Kristin Wood  
I do my best to not complain because I complain so much about the cold that I've just tried to shut up when it's no yeah, I really do like hot. I mean, this is a little much I have my air on even though it's on 75 this is a lot, but it is yeah, I still prefer it over the cold. I know I'm weird.

Ralph Andracchio  
No, no, no, I'm the same way. I like the summer I like when it's hot. I like to be able to walk around and shorts and a T shirt and I don't like wearing shoes. So summer is my jam winter I'm miserable. Also because I like a lot of light and the winter is is dark. So for me it's just it's just a happier time.

Kristin Wood  
The people live in Alaska words dark like all the time in the winter. I would I would be in a hospital.

Ralph Andracchio  
Yeah, I couldn't imagine I couldn't imagine like, oh, the sun just set and it won't come back up for a couple months. No thanks 

Kristin Wood  
Like a bear. Hibernation 

Ralph Andracchio  
I'm alright. I will stay right where I am thank you very much.

Kristin Wood  
I know the summers in Alaska just be absolutely insanely beautiful and there's tons of sunlight. So I'll go there in the summer all day but the winter in Alaska. No, thank you.

Ralph Andracchio  
There are some large I've been looking at weird maps recently because why not? And there's a map of Canada where all like 90% of the population is like almost on the border with the United States and everything else in Canada. There's just like this huge open uninhabited swath of wilderness. Yeah,

Kristin Wood  
That's a new fact.

Ralph Andracchio  
It's interesting. It's interesting. If you have a chance look up like population centers on the globe. Like where people really live. It's really interesting. Like, we think the world is full of people but there's huge parts of the world that we're nobody is it's really I do I do. I want to rent a cabin in the middle of nowhere.

Kristin Wood  
I'd be interesting to see who's hiding in there though even though it wasn't on the map 

Ralph Andracchio  
In the cabin that I just rented? 

Kristin Wood  
In your Airbnb in the middle of nowhere. You'll just take an Uber Oh, they're not there. No, but like people or somebody's out there. 

Ralph Andracchio  
Oh, sure. Yeah, 

Kristin Wood  
But like wonder how they're living compared to us 

Ralph Andracchio  
Probably a lot happier. That's for damn sure. That's for damn sure.

Kristin Wood  
What have you been? Up to? It's been like 3 weeks.

Ralph Andracchio  
it's been a wild ride for the past couple of weeks. And I we figured why not talk about it and make it a whole episode because I'm going to share something with everybody because we're such we're such good friends now. All of us. We all know each other. We love each other. past couple weeks I have been dealing with a really and excuse me bad case of anxiety, like super duper on steroids, anxiety and it got so bad to the point where we had to like I was like, Can we can we postpone and get together next week. And it got to the point where I was like, I couldn't sleep and it was my just every day was just thoughts of like, what am I doing? I can't handle this. I can't do this and I'm in over my head. So eventually I'm better now everything's great. I'm I'm feeling a ton better and getting stuff done, but I thought it would be beneficial to talk about it. Why not? I mean, I know people who have really bad anxiety. I've had bad anxiety in the past. So it's this is like the first time in a while that this has happened but why not? I mean, the more we talk about this stuff, the more the less of a stigma it has for people

Kristin Wood  
And you were brave enough to want to talk about it. And so that'll be cathartic for you but

Ralph Andracchio  
Not brave, not brave. Just we don't have anything else to talk about. It is endless. Sorry. Sorry. I'm I of course as soon as we start recording, my voice is like nope, not today. Taking a break.

Kristin Wood  
Refreshing iced tea on the side.

Ralph Andracchio  
Yeah, right. lemme, lemme, take a swig of iced tea. Great. I could have drank that louder for people. I tried to slurp as loud as possible. It's surround sound. So yeah, I guess this one is is Yeah. How do I how can I manage my anxiety, the anxiety monster when it rears its ugly head? And I know a lot of people especially right now with the way the world is, we're all dealing with some level anxiety in some way. And even if you're a professional and you think you got your act together, nobody has their 100% of their stuff together. I know I've said that before. Yeah. Yeah. Not Not at all. 

Kristin Wood  
They're lying if they said it, yeah. All the time. Maybe go through periods of time where you feel like I got this.

Ralph Andracchio  
Right. But not not all the time. So my anxiety, I think I've had it. I've had it forever. Like my entire life. I think I've been struggling with anxiety in some way, shape or form. And we were just talking about dreams before we started. We started taping and it doesn't be sight taping anymore recording. am I dating myself? Tape eggs, taping my giant reels like I load a giant reel onto a machine and tape this episode. In front of a live studio audience. Yeah. What we've talked about dreams and I've for as far back as I can remember have always had dreams about being chased being in danger being in a big storm like that's a big one. Like just being trapped somewhere and some things that are like, out of my control or like I'm fighting just to keep my head above water kind of thing. So that those actually I haven't had those dreams in a long time. And it'd be five years maybe longer. I don't know why they stopped to be honest. But I've had those as long as I can remember. But it would come with the anxiety of like, feeling just like I'm I'm over my head impostor syndrome. Like I can't do this people are gonna find out about fraud. They're going to hate me. And it's popped up every so often but this was a this was a new one of like, just not being able to shake. It was just the general feeling of oh my god. I don't know what's going to happen. So I don't I don't know what in your in your professional life. What kind of like if people come to you with anxiety? What kind of symptoms do they have?

Kristin Wood  
Well, I think there's a ton. If you want me to list through them. 

Ralph Andracchio  
Please list all of them. 

Kristin Wood  
No, but there's definitely like the loop. People call it the anxiety lucroy Your brain just goes sometimes it's one topic sometimes it's a bunch of topics of things to worry about. It's catastrophizing which basically means like this fear that all these things are going to happen but you have no evidence that it's going to happen. obsessive thoughts, so being stuck sort of like loop being stuck worrying about something that's out of your control and you can't get it off of your brain? And it can cause like sweating, a lot of distraction trouble focus, it can paralyze you. It can heart rate, increased heart rate, trouble sleeping, trouble eating all that stuff. I could go on and on.

Ralph Andracchio  
Never had trouble eating though. That's my superpower.

Kristin Wood  
Yeah, so it can it can manifest itself in a whole bunch of different ways. What else did you ask me?

Ralph Andracchio  
No, that was that was it like what kind of what kind of symptoms people have when they when they are experiencing anxiety. I know for me, and also not so much. Well, not so much anymore, but it still pops up from time to time like I have I used to have a very nervous stomach. So anytime my anxiety would pop up. I'd be like over right back like I Oh, yeah, that's yeah, that's another big one. So if anybody's listening and you have problems with anxiety, that's why I wanted to do this. I want people to just be aware like you're not alone, people people feel like this all the time in varying degrees. And you know, whatever your symptoms are, just know that other people are feeling it too.

Kristin Wood  
Yeah, and you don't see you can't often see it. Sometimes you can tell someone's anxious but there's people mask it really well. Sometimes, yeah, I don't want to say it's more than depression. But yeah, people can mask it like it's so it can be so hidden. And so and so isolating make you feel so alone, because it takes over almost I like when you call it the monster earlier. I was thinking and I cannot remember the name of this book to save my life right now. But there's a bunch of children's books that aren't were created to help kids with different mental health problems and different issues. I used to use them when I worked with kids and there's one for anxiety and it is literally like it is identified as a monster in the story. And I think that's great too, because it separates it like yes, the anxiety is sort of like when it's bad it takes over, but it's not you. Right. You know, it's it's something that matters manifests itself within you but if you look at it as like something that's not you, but somebody has kind of invaded you, I feel like it gives you more of a sense of empowerment of being able to manage it. Whereas when you think Bob was anxious, this is me. Then you feel a lack powerlessness and hopelessness and you know, like, you just have to sit in it. And there's nothing else you can do about it. So I think that's a good way of looking at it.

Ralph Andracchio  
Yeah I yeah, that bears repeating. Like if you're somebody who's just like, I'm just an anxious person. That's all there is to it. I think that you're selling yourself short number one, and also it's taken all the power out of that for you like you again, just ask the question, why, you know, like, why am I feeling this way? What's what's happening in my life that's triggering it, you know, just being curious about it because and I realized the you know, the world that we live in right now is a very anxious place. There is there is war, there is hunger, there is disease, there is global warming, there is you know, especially if you live in the United States, there's a whole bunch of people wanting to take a whole bunch of writes away from a whole bunch of other people. So it's like, there's not a lot of room and time for somebody to catch their breath and say, Okay, I can relax now. So, of course, we're all caught in a loop of like, Oh, my God, the world is ending. Yeah. I mean, it's, it's easy to it's easy to feel that way. So you're definitely not alone. If you feel that way. Because everybody is feeling that way. I think to some degree.

Kristin Wood  
Yeah and I think I get off too much on the political piece, but people are feeling a lot of powerlessness. At least clients have reported that to me and hopelessness, because I think before people like go and vote and volunteer for XYZ activism group or whatever, but not people are feeling like that's not even doing anything. And so there is a lot of hopelessness and anxiety and I think it also depression gets involved with it, too. I've heard people say, talking about that a little bit, but I think that wasn't gonna say, well, right when you were saying before, and we're talking about it being a separate thing that you can learn to manage and cope with. You know, I think that when you don't feel like you can do that and you feel very hopeless and very overwhelmed and like, it's always going to be like this, then that causes anxiety. That's the thing that's even worse is like when you can't manage it or if it gets better for a minute, but you're like waiting for it to come back. You're anxious about your anxiety. And so that's why learning how to cope with it understanding the triggers for it like you touched on possibly medicine if you need that, you know, whatever the case may be, starts to give people this sense of confidence around I've watched this happen it's so great to watch. People then become confident around their ability to manage it. And that actually ended up itself will help the anxiety because you got the toolbox, which is either you figure you or you figure out what works for you work with a professional who helps you and then you start to utilize things and you see that they're actually working and so then when those symptoms pop up, you're less anxious about the symptoms and you know what to do to sort of alleviate them.

Ralph Andracchio  
Yeah. And you're you're kind of touching on the loop again, that we keep - that there's a there's definitely like a really strong anxiety loop that you can get caught in and it feeds on itself. And you said they being anxious about your anxiety, that's exactly what it is, like, you start to get anxious and then you're like, oh, no, you know, but then you then you become conscious of your anxiety and you get anxious because you're feeling the anxiety and then it starts to feed on itself. It's like a snake...

Kristin Wood  
Like a snowball going down a hill.

Ralph Andracchio  
Right. It just gets bigger and bigger.

Kristin Wood  
That's the thing that's tough. Well, many things, but we're talking about anxiety here is that it's one of those things that you need to pay attention and address it to keep it from the Snowball from rolling down the hill, right? And you want to learn how to cope with it. So you have to address that it's there. But if you give anxiety, too much attention or the wrong kind of intention, attention, it gets bigger. Because that balance you've got to figure out how do I see it's happening address it and feel better versus not? Versus is the right word, but like not paying so much attention to it that you're actually making it worse. Does that make sense to you.

Ralph Andracchio  
Yes. And I think we are taught from a very young age that worry and anxiety are more of a acceptable baseline to live your life rather than happiness and logic and calm and you know, people may push back on that, but think about it. You know what, we all know that person that's just very happy all the time. And it's like, they got their stuff together and they're happy about their job and their family and they're just and we all look at them and we're like what are they so happy about? constantly happy. I can't wait to see their like fall apart you know, because misery loves company. But that's that's because we're taught, being worried, being stressed. being overwhelmed. It's like that's the way to be because that means you're busy, you're working, you're hustling, you're doing stuff, you know, that's bull, like that's not a way to live. That's that's damaging, that's unhealthy in a myriad of ways. And so it's no surprise that you know, people are anxious all the time and like wrestle with anxiety because that's all you know, that's acceptable. Absolutely. You know, yeah. And how do you how do you fight against that when it when everybody's like, What are you so happy about, you know, and we look at somebody who's happy all the time with suspicion.

Kristin Wood  
Yeah, or even if you don't say happy, somebody that's always calm and it takes so much to get them upset and you're like, almost not necessarily in a negative light, but almost that it's weird. Yeah, not always that you're critical of them, but you're like that's so weird. I wish I could be like that. What is that? You know,

Ralph Andracchio  
is it Yeah, I guess there's a little bit of jealousy in there. You know, but it's, it's interesting that that's, that's much more acceptable than just being happy, you know? And it also we treat happiness as a What's the word for getting the word now transient thing of like, it doesn't stick around, but it's okay. That stress sticks around. And I keep we just matched we were just talking about him a minute ago meet we had Neil on a while ago, like it's how you look at life if you if you're looking at your life as like a stress management thing of I'm I'm just dealing with stress all the time. I'm trying to lower the stress and instead of flipping it and saying you know, I spend my life trying to find the joy in things. It's all about perspective, and I think one is more acceptable than the other.

Kristin Wood  
Yeah, I get to see Neil, a lot. Fair a fair amount twice this week. In the week and whenever something goes wrong, and like I've got that joint management going I need some your joint management like, um, but yeah, that's a good good connect. And if any of you don't know what we're talking about, listen to the I think second season is it? Neil King. Joy management episode. It's, I think our highest rated episode and he was incredible.

Ralph Andracchio  
Yes it is. Yes, he was.

Kristin Wood  
Yeah, I like that. You brought that up, because that's actually something I deal with in my work with my clients who have anxiety. Also, what gets what happens is there's an association that gets developed or whatever the word is, between. If I'm not anxious and overwhelmed, then I'm not working hard enough, right. And then when people start to come to me and start to work on their anxiety, and sometimes that's also comes along with a lot of pressure on self and feeling not good enough, that's often can be all mixed in. Then it's, it's, it's when they're not they have this strong association that they've developed for probably their whole lives of, if I'm not anxious, then I'm not working hard enough like this, this connect that we want to break that you have to be anxious and overwhelmed and be pushing yourself to death to be trying and working hard and doing a good job. That's a hard one to break.

Ralph Andracchio  
Yeah, and I do. I do trainings for for corporations around communication. Being a better communicator, you know, having better conversations, listening better, you know, trying to find the calm in the chaos, all that kind of stuff. And something I I find is important to remind people of and give them permission to do is, number one, be kind and respectful to each other. But also number two, it's okay to take a minute. It's okay to take a moment to listen to somebody. It's okay to take a moment to formulate a response. It's okay to take a moment to step away from your desk and take a walk. It's okay to take a moment. It's all it all kind of is connected back to self care in some way. And better communication is being present and listening and focusing and not and giving yourself permission to be silent for a minute and listen to somebody and formulate a response and sit back and think I don't think we encourage that enough in you know, in our work lives. Because if we're not like you said if we're not stressed if we're not if we're not going every second if we're not filling every corner of our workday with sound and emails and phone calls, and then we're not working. If we take a moment to sit back and to catch our breath. We're being lazy. We can't take a break we have so it's ingrained in everything we do. And it just fosters the anxiety more because it's just fertile ground for it. We everything that we can do to counteract the anxiety is seen as bad. You're not You're not - just got an Amazon alert if you heard that. Hello. You're not working if you're if you're thinking about this stuff.

Kristin Wood  
Yeah, I'm like, I'm sure maybe you can relate to this too, when we started our businesses, that and I've talked about that with clients that have gone out on their own, that ends that being Oh, wow, that was a lot of talking and nothing really made sense. So I just went in circles with anyway. Okay, what I'm trying to say is you know, most of us have gone to a job where it's structured, we have a job description, we do our job and we go home kind of thing. And then when you're on your own and maybe you're in you're creating your own business that for for us and for some others may not be a nine to five type deal may not be a 40 hour a week deal. That figuring that out can be so hard because that whole thing around like the anxiety I should say not the whole thing around balancing that time of doing taking a break and, and not working during on a work day. Because we don't have to necessarily to sustain our business when we're so it's so ingrained in us to be going going going and be anxious, anxious, anxious.

Ralph Andracchio  
And that's I'm glad you brought that up. Because that brings up in my mind, work life balance of when can I safely close my laptop, turn off my phone and have my personal time? And I see this a lot on tick tock. It's actually fun. Like there's some creators who do this and there's one in particular can't remember her name. She'll she'll do a thing where she'll be like, she'll play both roles of like her boss and her and her boss will be like, Oh, thanks, everybody. For signing onto this meeting at 459. Like I wait, you know, and the other person will be like, Oh, no, I'm not available. She'll be like, Oh, can you turn your camera on? And then she'll be like, Oh, no, I'm not available. I'm I'm getting off work and her boss is like no, we have a meeting right now and she's like, No, you scheduled this at five o'clock and I stopped work at five o'clock. So I'm not available for the meeting. And she's like, well, that's not how we do it. And she's like, well, that's how I do it. You're not paying me five o'clock by you know, and yes, it's a roleplay and yes, that won't work for everyone. But I think the the kind of core of it is we don't have we don't have that permission from our employers and we don't give ourselves the permission to say, I am now done working. This is now my personal time. You do not have permission from me to encroach on my personal time to for a meeting for a phone call for an email. I will get back to it in the morning when I start my shift. And you know, and I think that feeds into the anxiety as well because oh no, I really should answer that. Email or I really should take this phone call. I do that myself and my you know, I'm not have a high pressure job like that. But I find like, every time I get an email as soon as I get the email I have to check it I have if I want to save it I'll save it if I want to delete it I'll delete it like I can't have my inbox say there's things in there because then my anxiety is like you gotta check that you might add something you gotta get that number down, even if it's not like oh, there's something to check. It's just the number seeing the number.

Kristin Wood  
Yeah, I know what you mean. 

Ralph Andracchio  
You know what I mean? 

Kristin Wood  
I have that too.

Ralph Andracchio  
So it's not it's not just you. I also do not because I've know some people I look at their phones and it's like 5873 unread emails and my heart literally stops for a minute when I'm like, oh my god, what how do you live like that?

Kristin Wood  
Or like text messages. There's like 20 text messages where

Ralph Andracchio  
I would literally I would literally crap my pants if I had 28 unread text messages. I couldn't deal

Kristin Wood  
right. Yeah. Yeah, I think um, I think I lost my point. What I was gonna say, just every time it happens

Ralph Andracchio  
It happens once an episode and it's fine. 

Kristin Wood  
and if it didn't there's be something wrong.

Ralph Andracchio  
That would be weird.

Kristin Wood  
One of the things that I'm segwaying to this, I guess one of the things that is helpful for some more helpful for some than others, is understanding you brought it up a little bit ago. The triggers for anxiety. For some people. It is very helpful and almost a tool if we want to go so far as to say that to understand what's triggering to understand the anxiety and the triggers for the anxiety, sometimes there's some relief, slash, dare I say, calmness in understanding what's happening, because part of what fuels anxiety is not is not understanding what the hell's going on and why, you know why you're so anxious and, you know, it goes back to the thing I always talk about where it's like, you might be so anxious about getting this let's say you're having friends over and getting the meal done exactly right at the exact time and you're so anxious all day about it. And then you're like, and then the self deprecating starts. Why are you being so silly? This is just a dinner party, everyone no one cares. You're being a baby, making it bigger than it is. But all in all, what's really bad is possibly that fear of not being good enough that fear of being judged that fear of being rejected. So sometimes understanding and that's just an example, but sometimes understanding what is triggering and sometimes we don't know what's triggering it, you know, we I have anxiety so you know, sometimes nothing has to happen and I think and but oftentimes our triggers and when we can understand them, that also gives us a sense of power, which is I think what we were talking about before, when we can see Alright, this is that thing, this XYZ just triggered this for me and that is causing me a lot of anxiety. And that in and of itself is not often enough to curb the anxiety, but it is a good starting point. Because at least you know what it is and why it's there. And that's like step one, like okay, this is that thing okay, what has helped with that thing before? Let me try that.

Ralph Andracchio  
Yeah, I love all that. And it might I would, I think there's value in walking through my my train of thought, especially this this past week or two when my anxiety got really bad. I usually when I have something coming up professionally, like I'm teaching a new class, I'm running a workshop I'm doing in corporate training like something I will notice I will know that it's coming up and then I will start to obsess about it and think about it constantly. Am I ready for it? Am I prepared for it? Do I have all this stuff ready? How am I going to run it and you know, what are people gonna think? And then it I just keep obsessing and thinking about it to the point where it makes me sick. And it's not new stuff. It's stuff I've been doing for years and stuff I'm great at I mean, I'm not to toot my own horn but to like I'm good. I'm good at what I do. And it's not like any of this is new. I've been doing this for years, but my mind will still It loves to obsess about it. I'll be like, sure you're ready. You better check your notes again. You better run through that slide deck one more time. You better go through your curriculum again because you don't want to screw anything up and what if you what if you run out of time. That's the thing. That's the other thing too. I'm always anxious and worried about not being able to fill all the time I have to teach two hour class you sure you have enough curriculum in there for two hours? What if you what if it's only half an hour was ever going to do for another night? never works out like that. It's always fine, but still my brains like what if this time is different? And I'm like, Will you shut up like it helps me to remember to remind myself, I'm a professional. I've been doing this for years. I'm great at this. People would not be asking me to do workshops and trainings and classes if I wasn't good at what I do like and that can help me as well. Like reminding myself you're not a rookie, like you wouldn't be doing these things if you weren't good at them and people wanted you to do them.

Kristin Wood  
So funny say that because I remember I think I might have even done it recently, but not as much. When we first started doing this. I was I was like, What do you want to talk about? Do you know what to talk about, but is that gonna be enough time? I would have the anxiety about it. And Ralph would be like, Oh, we're fine. We always and then as time has gone on, I think I've done less of that. But I would worry about it and every time he was like oh we got this that's funny to hear you say?

Ralph Andracchio  
I'm good to see I'm good at helping other people. Yeah, I can't do it for myself. But I'm not a therapist, right? Yeah, right. Nice to meet you. I'm a therapist. I do that all the time. Yeah. Yeah, I'm really good at talking people through their anxiety. But if it's me, I'm like, nope, abandon ship. Throw it throw it Throw your life vest on, right. Yeah. So it's yeah, it's not. It's not just you, dear listener. It's everybody who thinks that way. But yeah, that's, that's one thing I do. To kind of help me curb my anxiety. Sometimes it's remind myself of all the positives and accomplishments I've had before and say, I would not be I would not have this thing coming up. If I wasn't really good at what I do and was able to do it.

Kristin Wood  
You also made me think about expectations of self. 

Ralph Andracchio  
Say more. 

Kristin Wood  
Just because I was thinking about your example with you and what I don't know if this is the case for you and you can or cannot share but if it's about you know, almost wanting it to be perfect wanting it to be like great. And sometimes we have this expectations of ourselves that actually cause us anxiety. I'm not saying that you by the way, just like saying, sometimes we have really high expectations of ourselves around let's just use the work as an example about a work project. And we're obsessing and we're worrying about it and we're spending so much time on it and really if you took a step back, is because you're afraid it's not perfect. If you're afraid it's not you're not trusting yourself maybe or whatever the case may be, but the the pressure we put on ourselves and what we expect of ourselves and then like if you were to get do this class that you obviously know what you're doing and you're obviously good at it. And even if you didn't did make a mistake or something nobody there is going to be thinking all that about you. 

Ralph Andracchio  
Of course not yeah no. Yeah. 

Kristin Wood  
Is like nothing that when we know that has nothing to do with everyone else but we create this whole different audience that doesn't exist.

Ralph Andracchio  
Yeah I that's that's a really good point. No, nobody. Thinks of 99.9% of the things that I'm obsessing about, you know, there. And I think about it like what do I do when I show up for a class and what do I do when I go to a workshop? And I'm like, I don't recognize any of this stuff. I'm there. I'm having fun. I'm listening to what they're saying. I'm doing the exercises and then I leave and I'm like, that was great. I don't obsess you know, and there's some people who may say, Well, that's what makes you so good is that you obsess about all the little details and you made sure it's perfect. No, that's that's the problem. Like, anytime anybody says, Oh, I got where I am because I do obsess about the small stuff and the nuts and bolts and I want it to be perfect. That's not a very healthy way to approach things like that. It's it's going back to what you said about when we first started and you would say to have a topic, what do we talk about? And I would I would just say we got this we're fine. Because I knew we're both professionals. We're good at talking. We have a good relationship. We have a good rapport, we're intelligent like we will the the the conversation will work itself out and it always does. And so yeah, I'm wasn't worried but if if somebody's like, oh, I you know, to be successful, you have to obsess and, you know, I don't believe that because it's you just, you're you're asking for health problems.

Kristin Wood  
Yeah, and you can be detail oriented and you can almost even be one things to be really organized in particular without being anxious and overwhelming yourself about it because people are just like that. Some people are very detail oriented and maybe they spend more time on something that somebody else. None of that is the problem. It's the anxiety, the pressure on self, possibly the insecurity around your own self as that's feeding into the anxiety. That's the issue. Yeah, I mean I think...

Ralph Andracchio  
What other what other ways could help somebody who, you know - that wasn't really a proper sentence was it?

Kristin Wood  
Well I did bumble words earlier that werren't even in order.

Ralph Andracchio  
What other tools are available for somebody who is struggling with about a really bad anxiety? Like, what else could they do to kind of break the break that loop we've been talking about?

Kristin Wood  
Well, there's tons and tons...

Ralph Andracchio  
I mean I mentioned like reminding yourself of all the good stuff and your accomplishments and how you got to where you're at that can sometimes help break the loop. What else?

Kristin Wood  
Yeah there's a bunch of tools and there's a bunch of books and there's a bunch of stuff online and you know, deep breaths moving your body... what's another good one? 

Ralph Andracchio  
Exercise. 

Kristin Wood  
Yeah. Exercise. Taking a deep breath, taking a bath, talking to somebody the I'm just giving you a couple of top my head that are that are popular. But I always encourage people to figure out before you're in the midst of an anxiety loop, what calms you this is the problem is that Allah it's the same thing with like journaling, believe it and I was like people journal often when there's something wrong, but they'll never journal when there's something good to have built. Yeah. So I always encourage people to have sort of a some type of a self care regimen. If that sounds too formal, just things that you know, calm you and make you feel peaceful. Even when you're not, you know, and that's the time to be trying them out. Is when you're not in a crisis mode or in a high anxiety mode, is doing your research, working with your therapist talking to other people with anxiety about what works for them and trying it out. Yes, you may not feel a stark difference if you're not in a high anxious spot. But you can tell something that calms you down and something that doesn't or something it makes you feel more serene and more calm. And I love all the resources that are out in the world and I utilize them but I also think people need to look at their own lives because I do think people do things they don't even realize they're doing that are calming and soothing. I always give this example of the client that told me that doing the dishes was was calming for them, because it's just the water running the routine of it. That's just a little thing doesn't take tons of time. You do it anyway. And it was for that person. It was calming for me. I've talked about my coloring which also has been like off the charts have been off the charts with the color. I've been coloring for every emotion I feel now. But that's calming to me. It's just the thing I do. I don't care what anyone thinks about it. walking your dog can be calming. It doesn't have to be this big sit down 15 minute yoga session or an eight mile run or you know 10 minutes of deep breaths. It doesn't need to be all that I tell people to really pay attention. Take a day take a couple of days and pay attention to things that they do in the day that is calming. Pay attention to smells the calm you pay attention to sites that calm you sounds and smells. Smells hearing hearing. Sorry. Think about it, like start real basic. If you've no idea where to begin, start to think about that start to pay attention to it. No, like, write it down. I did a self care Journal a couple years back that I've been bringing back out for people that I had them sort of track it. Like, what time was it? What day was it? What were they feeling? And then they would they would try some things. How are you feeling after How long did you do that thing? And it was a way to sort of try different things and track them and see what types of things helped with what emotions and make it a part of the regular day. Make some things a part of your day. You can't do everything but some things so that they're go to so it's like I'm searching in my I call it a toolbox when I'm really anxious for those that thing that worked six months ago. Well if, if you're doing that thing more regularly, it's going to be more automatic.

Ralph Andracchio  
Absolutely. And the the I like the the senses thing you know, that's that's that's a trick I the tip I share with people if they're really are like if their emotions are getting the best of them and they're in a they want to get back to a more level place. Look around your office, look around your room, you know, what's one thing you can see two things you can hear three things you can smell four things you can touch, you know that kind of thing. It engages all your senses and it kind of like it helps to ground you because a lot of times anxiety can close us off and like separate us from everything. So just like the tactile pneus of what you were saying like if you have a rug if you haven't really like one of those fluffy rugs that flokati rugs you know those white ones, take your shoes and socks off rub your feet in it right if you have a comfy blanket feel that you know sometimes just rubbing your pants, your pant legs can can help you - pet your pets, you know, stick a stick a pencil on your teeth, you know like it works you know it tricks your - it does the smile muscles and like tricks your - you can try it. Try it. Yeah, it's something that comes up in the trainings I do.

Kristin Wood  
And I think all the stuff if you're highly anxious right now and you're listening to that, you're probably like, alright, that's great. That's, I can't, that's not going to frickin work and I'm like, how to like lose my mind. The thing was, if anxiety and other other mental health problems is catching on, it's small. So if you do a couple of these things regularly just because they become part of your day and they could take two minutes one minute they do not have to be a big thing. Anyone that has a pet. You are probably doing some type of self care by taking care of animals and enjoying them right there in and of itself. There you go. If you wait until you're almost had a panic attack and try to pet a dog you're going to be putting the crap out of that dog for about five hours before you're going to calm down. It's not gonna die. He's gonna have a bald spot and that's when people come to me and they're like, well that doesn't work. And I'm like, because you waited at you till you are on a scale of one to 1010 being the worst anxiety every waited till you're not had a nine before you tried something. So being aware of how we're feeling and checking in with ourselves and doing little things. What most of the times we feel a little bit of anxiety, right? We just want to ignore it and act like it's not there because it's not really bothering us. We don't want to look at it. That's yucky. Oh, I hate that thing. And I get that but if we do a little something right then and there and go for a walk or take our dog out and play in the park for 10 minutes that might be gone. And then you're you're back at a calm place. So that's the part that I think is really really hard for people to get is that like deep breaths and stuff like that are great, but they are not going to work when you are at a very high level of anxiety unless you do deep breaths for two hours.

Ralph Andracchio  
Yeah, that's That's amazing - What happened with this? That just shut off. Have we not been recording our video? 

Kristin Wood  
I thought it was going. 

Ralph Andracchio  
I thought it was going to I'll take a look. The audio parts still fine. We'll check I don't know.

Kristin Wood  
Oh, yeah, I think it just stopped...

Ralph Andracchio  
I it was on.

Kristin Wood  
I was looking at it. 

Ralph Andracchio  
Yeah. 

Kristin Wood  
All right friends, technological difficulties. We really bring them into the studio with us. 

Ralph Andracchio  
Right? you're seeing how the sausage is made. 

Kristin Wood  
yeah we really do. 

Ralph Andracchio  
All right, I'll see maybe this this episodes YouTube maybe a little weird. Because, we it shut off for a little while. Cuz why not? Yes. Find what works best for you. And going back to like it's acceptable for stress to be the baseline. works exactly with what you were saying. We wait till it's out of control. Before we try it. We do. Instead of preventative care. We do damage control. And if we can start living our lives injecting more of the stuff that makes us happy. It's you catch it early, like you were saying rather than waiting till everything's crashing down around you and then of course, rubbing your feet in a flokati rug isn't going to help because your anxieties. See it's stopped again. I'm not sure what's happening. I think my phone is telling me it's time to wrap up. Shut it down Anyway, so

Kristin Wood  
We can do this again sometime cuz this is a huge topic.

Ralph Andracchio  
Yeah this is a good one. If you are having a lot of anxiety and you feel like you need to talk to somebody, please reach out, talk to a professional. That's what they're there for. You don't have to do this yourself and try anything you can to instead of damage control. Try to inject one or two things into your daily life that make you feel good and happy. It really does make a difference.

Kristin Wood  
Start small. 

Ralph Andracchio  
Start small.

Kristin Wood  
I think we did it 

Ralph Andracchio  
I think we did it. We cured anxiety. Congraduations. Yeah, I don't know. I don't know what's happening.

Kristin Wood  
This is an important a good topic. I'm glad we did it.

Ralph Andracchio  
Excellent. If you if you want to get in touch with us and shoot us an email and tell us how horrible we are. Or you just want to say how wonderful we are and send us a gold star and a recipe that we can try heyletmeaskyousomething@gmail.com We're also on Facebook and Instagram. 

Kristin Wood  
You're on the TikToks 

Ralph Andracchio  
I'm on the tiktoks that's where you can just search for Ralph. Improv. Hey Let Me Ask You Something. You'll find me my mug's all over the place. If somebody wants to get in touch with you. How can they do that?

Kristin Wood  
They can find me. I mean, I'm not the best poster. I tell everyone. I'm not a good social media presence. But I am on Facebook and on Instagram a little bit but the best way to reach me is to email me at thephillytherapistkristin@gmail.com. I also have my website, thephillytherapistkristin.com If you want to know more about me or if you're looking for a therapist, I have availability. Feel free to reach out 

Ralph Andracchio  
Excellent. That's it my friends. Another one in the can. Have a good week. We'll see you next time. Bye

Transcribed by https://otter.ai