Navigating the Shifting Tides of Emotions - S04E10

On this week’s show Kristin and I are talking about navigating the shifting tides of emotions, how we can feel a bunch of emotions every day, why sitting with some of them can be tense, and how to take some of the anxiety out of the whole journey.

Kristin's Website
Ralph's Linktree

Send us your questions! We may tackle yours in an upcoming episode!
heyletmeaskyousomething@gmail.com

DISCALIMER:
The views expressed on the Hey Let Me Ask You Something Podcast are solely the opinions of your hosts Kristin Wood and Ralph Andracchio and are based on their years of practical and clinical experience. These opinions do not constitute any kind of advice, diagnosis, or treatment of any mental, physical, or emotional issues. If you are having an emergency or any serious ongoing situations please contact your local hospital or a trusted professional.

Transcript

The Hey Let Me Ask You Something Podcast
Season 04
Episode 10
Navigating the Shifting Tides of Emotions

[MUSIC INTRO PLAYS]

Ralph Andracchio  
Time to get curious, it's The Hey Let Me Ask You Something Podcast the show dedicated to inspiring more people to ask more questions and have more interesting conversations. On this week's show, Kristin and I are talking about navigating the shifting tides of emotions, how we can feel a bunch of emotions every day. Why sitting with some of them can be tense, and how to take some of the anxiety out of the whole journey. 

Ralph Andracchio  
Yeah, you put it really nicely before learning how to sit down your emotion sit with your emotions. As they happen. I think it's a skill and muscle that we don't normally work.

Kristin Wood  
Sometimes we experience feelings and not know where they come from. So maybe there's not even a good rhyme or reason that we're able to identify. And obviously you will be able to hear I'm sure most of us are uncomfortable. And sometimes a coping skill. If you're anxious, taking deep breaths. Taking a walk will help. But sometimes it's just a matter of letting the feeling be.

Ralph Andracchio  
And I was as you were talking, I was thinking, Oh, but maybe just for negative emotions, but not necessarily because I don't think we sometimes trust our good emotions. 

Ralph Andracchio  
The best way for you to help us inspire more conversations and easily find more of our great episodes is to hit that subscribe button and share the show with your friends. And check us out on YouTube if you want to see us as well as hear us. And remember, we love that you're listening that the show is for entertainment and we are not your therapist or your coach. We are not providing professional advice either from us or our guests. Give the full disclaimer in the show notes a once over for more info on that. Alright my friends, let's start conversation

Kristin Wood  
We had some technological difficulties, and of course Ralph took care of them.

Ralph Andracchio  
Sorry, everybody

Kristin Wood  
And I was supporting him from afar.

Ralph Andracchio  
Sorry, everybody. All right. Sure. Okay, hey everybody. Take 17 of the Hey Let Me Ask You Something Podcast. Oh, my God. Now my front door is going off. And I'm not even home. You move over just like...

Kristin Wood  
Ralph doesn't like to be too close to me. He doesn't wanna snuggle.

Ralph Andracchio  
No I do. it's it. Look, I'm just looking I'm framing us up in the in the viewfinder of my phone. Okay. Now we can have a conversation. 

Kristin Wood  
Ok you got your towel mats. Talking about sweating with the bald head.

Ralph Andracchio  
Sweating with a bald head. It's very hot here again in Philadelphia and anytime I go out and I get hot and I come inside I tried to grab a couple paper towels and I wet them with water and that makes them nice and cool. And put them on my neck and my head. And then I feel better and you know you were saying you know people who are bald and sweat profusely. I do not the only place I sweat on my body is my back the middle of my back all the way down in my crack so...

Ralph Andracchio  
Ok, so your back and your crack are...

Ralph Andracchio  
My back and my crack 

Kristin Wood  
Back and crack 

Ralph Andracchio  
Back and crack.

Kristin Wood  
Yeah, I was saying that. You know as a woman who's had hair their whole life I until you know someone that's bald in the hot weather you don't know. You don't realize that like your hair soaks up the sweat. And if you don't have any it just like comes right off your head and your face or wherever.

Ralph Andracchio  
Yep. Yeah, sweating is weird. I wish we could evolve beyond it. I think that would be nice.

Kristin Wood  
I like to sweat sometimes at the right time.

Ralph Andracchio  
I know we sweat to cool off. Don't Don't come at me biologists who are listening to this I realize we biologically need to sweat but it would be nice if we didn't have to.

Kristin Wood  
I get into my sweat when I'm playing sports. I like I kind of embrace it. 1,000% 

Ralph Andracchio  
Oh, it makes you feel like you're doing work. 

Kristin Wood  
Yeah, even my ripe smell just like I smell ripe. But I was active. And should I shower before I go to the pool or not is the question

Ralph Andracchio  
Do you do you do like literally rub it in people's faces? You smell that?

Kristin Wood  
No I told someone to stand six feet away from me in the elevator the other day not because of COVID because I was super ripe. And I thought that it'd be good for them to be over there.

Ralph Andracchio  
You should lean into it. I was working out. Smell that? That's the smell of a champion. 

Kristin Wood  
And that was the time people normally if I if I'm going on to the pool after I play I just put my bathing suit on be dirty and go down. But I have to tell you, even if you go in, you still feel really nasty. So lately I've been taking a quick rinse because it really still feels nasty the whole time and you can at least feel a little bit better even if you go back down to the pool and sweat your behind off again and go in the pool. When you don't that feeling it still sits there.

Ralph Andracchio  
You have to we have a role at our house and our hot tub you have to rinse off first you have to either shower... you don't have to take a full shower just like jump in the shower, rinse off a little bit before you come over. Then you can go in the pool.

Kristin Wood  
Oh well they have that every pool including ours and I've never seen anyone use it.

Ralph Andracchio  
Yeah. Because well I mean especially for us because it's it's such a tiny space. It's not a giant pool. Like you know immediately if somebody was gross because 

Kristin Wood  
No peeing in the hot tub. 

Ralph Andracchio  
No peeing in the hot tub please. We need a sign. No we don't need a sign. Nobody's done that. Because we hang out with adults

Kristin Wood  
No when you're just hopping out and go in the bathroom.

Ralph Andracchio  
Yeah, no, we don't.

Kristin Wood  
No kids in the hot tub because then there's potential for peeing in the hot tub.

Ralph Andracchio  
No kids in the hot tub. No old people in the hot tub. Are you ok? 

Kristin Wood  
I'm alright. Yeah, good. 

Ralph Andracchio  
Are you shifting around. I maybe taking up a lot of space. I'm sorry.

Kristin Wood  
No no you're fine. 

Ralph Andracchio  
Sorry. I tried to not manspread. 

Kristin Wood  
I just have a dress on. I'm trying to sit like a lady.

Ralph Andracchio  
I am very conscious of my manspreading 

Kristin Wood  
You were not manspreading. I didn't feel that at all.

Ralph Andracchio  
And my mansplaining. And my man... Whatever else there is that we do that nobody likes. I think those are the two big things manspreading and mansplaining. I'm sure there was other ones. I'll make up another one by the end of the show.

Kristin Wood  
I'm sorry. There's like a fighter helicopter going that way. What else can happen today? That didn't look like your typical helicopter that looks like a fighter jet slash helicopter. Okay. Welcome to Philadelphia.

Ralph Andracchio  
My door's going off. Welcome to A Day in the Life. So you had a really good idea for what you wanted to talk about today. Feelings. You want to say a little bit about what you're talking about?

Kristin Wood  
Yeah, We've talked about feelings and coping and all that stuff I'm sure in some capacity along the way here with our four seasons or three and a half or whatever, wherever we are. But one of the things I was thinking about was just sometimes we experience feelings and we don't know where they come from. So maybe there's not even a good rhyme or reason that we're able to identify. And obviously when we have a negative emotion most of us are uncomfortable. And sometimes a coping skill. If you're anxious, taking deep breaths. Taking a walk will help. But sometimes it's just a matter of letting the feeling be you know, we're so quick to want to run away from it distract from it to feel better, but sometimes we just have to acknowledge that it's there and it will soon then pass it will soon then be less than tense and I don't think that we always allow ourselves that I think especially when something comes on and feels strong, whether it be sadness, whether it be anxiety, whether it be irritability, we get uncomfortable and maybe nervous or whatever it is that it's there and I think subconsciously you're like oh my god, this is gonna like take over blah, blah, blah. And if we're able to just sometimes figure out what we need in that moment. Sometimes we need to be around other people. Sometimes we just need to be alone and sit with it and let it be and it will in some instances allow itself to pass and we may or may not figure out where it came from. Because I don't know that it always has some big giant triggering event as to why we feel that way. Now this I have to put out the disclaimer does not we are not talking about people with mental health diagnoses, to depression, generalized anxiety disorder, etc, etc. That is different from what I'm talking about. I'm talking about purely just having some negative feelings and remembering, which I say to my clients all the time, that what you're feeling in that moment, it's not always going to feel that way. Again, outside of mental health diagnosis, it's not always going to feel that way. It's not always going to be that intense. And to not let yourself get too freaked out about it but figuring out what you need to just be in it. For a little while.

Ralph Andracchio  
Yeah, you put it really nicely before learning how to sit in your emotion sit with your emotions as they happen. I think it's a skill. A muscle that we don't normally work on. There's a lot to that somebody were talking about it because it's making me think so if I pause for a long time, because I'm thinking I'm buffering my my brain is buffering. And I was as you were talking I was thinking oh, but maybe just for negative emotions, but not necessarily because I don't think we sometimes trust our good emotions. Definitely. Because, you know, if we're if everything's going great and we're in a really good mood, and it's like a good day. I know there's some of us who can be like, I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop off the sun's gonna happen. It's gonna ruin my day. So I think it can go it is valid for both points of view of you know, oh my gosh, I've I've been depressed or I'm tired or irritable or whatever the case may be. I need to get rid of this or push it aside because I have other stuff to do or it's not healthy or whatever. Same thing can be said for positive emotions like oh, you know, today everything's going really good today. I'm in a great mood. Oh, boy, this is not going to last. You know, again, you're kind of pushing it away to to be like, Oh, I It's not normal to feel this good for this long.

Kristin Wood  
Sure. Yeah, I thought that experience like not that like recently where I was just like going through this around and feeling really, really good and that. Yeah, I could identify things that were going well but you know, when they can't always feel this good, right? No, I mean, it's it's it's easier to not want to run away from it. It's more difficult to try to trust it.

Ralph Andracchio  
So I think the the kind of gist of what we're talking about today is how to sit, how to sit in your emotional state, how to be how to be okay with how you're feeling. Because we're not robots. We're not going to be on the same emotional level every day all day for the rest of our lives. We are organic beings and you know, we have natural ups and downs and you know, we travel through all the emotions at any given time. So, just just embracing our humanity. I think, as a first step, is is nice to say it's not all going to be sunshine and roses. You know, there will be days where I don't feel as good as I normally do. There may be days when I feel great. And I think after embracing your humanity of a set of humanity, humanity, humanity, I think that was a who album back in the 70s. One of the lesser known ones. I think after embracing your humanity, the next step is to not judge. Because we are Judgy McJudgersons.

Kristin Wood  
Oh my God judges Judgesaurus Rex.

Ralph Andracchio  
Judgesaurus Rex. We are all Judge Judy. Because we are very judgy species. I don't think anybody I don't think any. Anything alive on the planet is as judgmental as human beings. We and I think it's one of the curses of having a bigger, bigger brain is we want to analyze the hell out of everything until there's nothing left to analyze and we've run all the fun out of life. So I think there's a I think there's a component of that too.

Kristin Wood  
Yeah, and I think thank you for bringing that up. Because that's also something I talk about all the time with my clients because, you know, when we're feeling something and maybe we understand where it's coming from, we judge ourselves about that, or maybe, in what we're talking about today, we don't understand we can judge and critique ourselves about that. What the heck does that do? It makes us feel worse, every time. So let's say you're already struggling with a difficult emotion. And then we have on the judging jury, critique, train and do that to ourselves. Nothing's happened. Nothing's wrong. People have it worse in the world. Why are you not feeling this way? You're the guy that exacerbates everything and makes it that much worse than it already is. And you know, it's not easy to stop that judge and jury. It's not easy to just say yourself. I don't know. I don't know why I'm feeling this way. But I am. And I think what I need is this right now to just whatever it is that I need to take a walk if that's what it is. I need to lay on the couch and watch Netflix, need to eat ice cream, which I think I'm going to do after we record you know, whatever. It is like that. You just kind of just accept it like it is it is what it is. The other piece that came to mind for me too is and this has definitely happened to me where you're in a really good mood or you're feeling good and then like all of a sudden you're not all of a sudden you are sad. All of a sudden you are irritated, all of a sudden you are nervous. What happened you can't figure out what the hell happened. You know, like that morning or that whatever. You were feeling peachy or feeling content you were fine and then for reasons you don't understand we've now veered off here.

Ralph Andracchio  
Yeah. Again, not not judging it and just being curious and asking, you know what happened? What what else is going on? In my life? Am I do I have workouts on my brain? Have I do I have a friend who's getting on my nerves? You know, have I not talked to my parents in a while? Have I just not been eating well? Have I not been exercising as much as I usually do. There's a whole bunch of stuff Am I not get enough sun. Vitamin D

Kristin Wood  
My doctor was like... sorry, sidenote. when I got bloodwork. She was talking about vitamin D. I'm like, I'm pretty good. That like I'm at the tennis court. I'm at the pool. I'm like, getting lots of Vitamin D. Anyway. Sorry I digress.

Ralph Andracchio  
But yeah, that's that could be something to just thinking about what may have put you into the state that you're in is is a good thought process to go through as well because you might hit on it and be like, oh, you know what? I didn't eat breakfast or oh, you know what I'm I'm not as hydrated as I could be. It's it's sometimes it's very simple things.

Kristin Wood  
And sleeps a big - sleeping and eating are big ones.

Ralph Andracchio  
Oh my god. No, but not everybody gets the right amount of sleep that they need to. And I know I realize, you know, your optimal level of sleep is different than everybody else's. We're not you know, again, we're not all robots set to the same factory settings. But you know, that could be a thing too. If you're not getting enough sleep. If you're not West. Well rested. And you know, feeding your body the right kind of food that goes into it till you know, and it's something it could just be as simple as you know drinking a glass of water and also treat everything in moderation. Treat yourself if you don't usually eat ice cream and sit on the couch and watch Netflix and you want to do that tonight. Do that tonight. That says that just because you want to like it's okay if you if you do it all the time. Yes, then there's a problem. But if if you're, if you want to do something that's not normally in your schedule. To make yourself feel better, please do that. You know, you're not hurting anybody else. You're not hurting yourself. You know, just please don't hurt yourself. But you know, if you want to go have ice cream and sit on a bench and you know watch the birds or do that, you know it's I think for me what came up when you were when you were talking about this topic before we started recording was the the, again the feeling that we're not used to sitting in strong emotional states like that no matter what they are. And I think the more we can we can do that. the better off we're going to be a species but also you know, as individuals because the constant fighting against our emotional state is tiring, in and of itself. And so if you feel like you're constantly fighting your emotions, you're probably really exhausted to begin with anyway.

Kristin Wood  
Right. And I think our tendency is to want to distract, too. Which isn't always bad. I'm not saying never distract. But I do think that I think a couple of things. One thing is I do think it's worth worthwhile for sure to try to figure out why you're feeling the way you are. Because it's just like that's a growth thing. It's an understanding yourself thing. And so being able to maybe recognize something you need to address maybe you didn't realize you were still really bothered about a situation with a friend and it's been bothering you and that's why you've been thrown away but you didn't realize that and when you take a minute to be introspective on it, you realize that might be why you're having this Mudra and then maybe that will kind of give you the propel you towards sort of okay, what do I need to do to address this situation like right now I'm going to we'll just use my example you guys pretty much deathless me but like, Okay, this is obviously something I need to address. So I definitely think it's worth doing that because better understanding our emotions and what kinds of things are upsetting us. gives us more power to be able to better manage our moods moving forward. But I do think that there are those times that it's it's, it's more difficult to figure it out. We're not really sure.

Ralph Andracchio  
Okay, and another thing is comparing yourself to other people. That's a huge one too, you know, oh, well, nobody else I know. Is this upset right now or this sad right now or this happy right now? So, like if you're you when you have your own unique things, you're going through in your life. Please don't compare yourself to other people, especially when it comes to emotions, like feel what you're feeling. Ask yourself the questions about why but don't compare yourself to other people be like, Oh, I shouldn't feel this way because all of the other people I know are feeling this other way. Okay, great. That's where they are.

Kristin Wood  
The shoulds don't help. 

Ralph Andracchio  
Shoulds don't help. Stop shoulding yourself. 

Kristin Wood  
The shoulds drive me crazy. Of course I do it but I'm obviously really good at pointing out when my clients do it. The shoulds sometimes we need to should like I should take my trash off because it's overflowing. Yeah, you might need to do that. But oftentimes, the shirts are not the answers. The What do I need? Right now is a more effective tool in coping with a feeling or taking care of ourselves. And putting ourselves first. The shirts are what is often done to keep other people happy over ourselves, so you know, it's like let's say you had a really bad day and you're feeling really down and stressed out. What you really want to do is, is hanging out at home by yourself but you told a friend that she would have dinner with them. I should go she might be mad at me if I don't come. I would be a bad friend. Really like maybe what you need to do is just make another night. What you need is to stay home and be honest with your friend about how you're feeling and rescheduled for a night or two later. We get into these should should should how they should be and if I don't I won't, you know...

Ralph Andracchio  
And speaking of friends, this popped into my head as I was listening to you talk we can kind of get into routines where we don't even think about how we've changed as individuals and what we need. And I know that sounds really cryptic, so let me explain. For example, Dan, and I go to a bar around the corner from us. It's like our corner bar hanging out. We've been going there literally since we moved into our house so 13 years almost made a bunch of really great friends there meant a lot of cool neighbors like it was in a hub of social activity for us for a very long time and still is. But as I like during the pandemic I quit drinking for six months. I you know, I was having all this other god if sorry if you hear that that's my somebody opened my friend door. I bought home dance there. It's fine. We're not getting broken. That's that I need to turn off it don't. Oh my god. Artie is having people over and didn't tell me. No. But I realized over the course of the pandemic and like not being able to do all that stuff, I realized, oh, wow, maybe I don't need to do that as much as I used to. Because for a long time that fit into my life. You know, that was one of my social outlets was to go to that place hang out with all my friends and my neighbors and have a drink and but then I realized like, Oh, I'm I'm starting to get into a different point in my life where I don't need to do that as much. I have all these other social outlets that have sprung up. That make me make me feel a different way. You know, and now it's now it's a treat for me to go there and see everybody and have a drink or two and relax. I mean, I used to Dan and I both used to close that bar down and like we would stay we would stay till 233 o'clock. You know, I could I like my old 46 year old body's like, please don't let's not do that anymore. But it was it's it was the best thing for me at that point in time. And now it's like it's a nice to have now it's like, oh, I can go you know I don't need to go all the time. But let yourself do that too. It's we evolve and grow as we as we move through our life. And if you're forcing yourself to do things that made you feel good before because you're like, oh, it's worked before but you know it might not be the right solution anymore. You know, you don't have to cut it out completely but oh, maybe this doesn't fit into where I am right now. Maybe I've I've moved into a different spot in my life. You know?

Kristin Wood  
I'm thinking No, I think... yeah, I think this reevaluating what you need. I think that's what you're saying in certain spots. If you're feeling like being social, maybe now I should say your 46 year old self instead of going there was the need for place. Instead of going there maybe you just like pick up and call friend for for 20 minutes and that's that's what filter needed that time for that night, instead of going down the street and doing all that. So I think that yeah, I think it's just evaluating it and it takes practice. If you're going to try this think I don't think you're just going to know off the bat. I think we are so programmed to doing something to get rid of it. That feeling you know, just like I don't like this, this doesn't feel good. And I'm not saying sitting in everything is good, right? I'm not saying that. Paying a whole lot of attention or anxieties until the ball rolls down. Snowball was down the hill gets bigger and bigger is good. I think good idea. Like I said we're kind of putting those diagnoses over here in this conversation. That's not specifically what we're referring to. But we're referring to like, you know, if you're feeling anxious or stressed out for me I color like I've already talked about this. Tonight, I bring the coloring out I now have decided I color for lots of reasons I color when I'm I feel color, I'm happy, it's relaxing. I call color when I'm not happy and I'm stressed out I color when I'm angry. And, you know, I think that that's something new that I've sort of figured out it doesn't make it go away. It just is a way to soothe myself. And I think that that's I went on to something else. I think there's a difference between trying to like get rid of this feeling that's uncomfortable and sort of taking care of it.

Ralph Andracchio  
Yeah, what are we replacing it with? Like that's that's what just popped into my head. Okay, great. We want to we want to work Hey, we're too happy. So we want to push that away. We're too angry. When we push that away. We're to like, what are we pushing everything away to make room for nothing? Like what's the emotion that we're going for? isn't just even like I just want to feel normal or natural or average. Okay, great. Well what is that? You know, like you get to define that for yourself. So think about that's that's another good way to think about it too is like okay, I made a moving all this stuff and like I want to push all this stuff away. Why? What are you making room for? I don't know. I can't answer that question.

Kristin Wood  
I don't know if it's making room for I think we're just highly uncomfortable when we're feeling something bad. Let's just say bad for lack of a better word difficult. Like most of us are not feeling great. And that's happening.

Ralph Andracchio  
Yeah,

Kristin Wood  
so but I also see what your point is, is of like, okay, so if that feeling was to go away, what would you feel, right, that can say for me? I think when I'm having this experience that we're talking about right now, if I can get to a point where I feel less heightened by whatever that feeling is, so it's dissipating the intensity and dissipating and a little bit more content.

Ralph Andracchio  
Content 

Ralph Andracchio  
Content is the word that keeps coming up for me. Yeah, like okay, I know I'm not going to be skipping down the sidewalk with rainbows shooting out of my behind but like 

Ralph Andracchio  
Don't, don't eh, don't knock it till you try it.

Kristin Wood  
But you know that I could just feel like that the edge the intensity of whatever it is it's go down a little and feel a little bit like Okay,

Ralph Andracchio  
So we're we want to push away. So what if it's not the emotions we're pushing away, but it's what's underneath of them of the anxiety and the stress of feeling the emotion. Oh, wow.

Kristin Wood  
That's interesting. You say that because I talk about this a lot with my clients to the anxiety about the anxiety. Yeah. Or the anxiety. Yeah, that's part of it. You know. I think I'll self disclose this. I think for me, I very uncomfortable when I'm irritable. And only fear double. I don't think anyone does, but I can only speak for myself. And I think there is an anxiety about it. I'm like, Oh my God, I want this to go away. Stop Get away. Because what what's ended up happening for me sometimes is I feel rammey and sort of antsy.

Ralph Andracchio  
Are you all geesed up?

Kristin Wood  
Only those of you that have listened to all of our seasons will get that.

Ralph Andracchio  
Will know what that means.

Kristin Wood  
Like restless, antsy, don't like it, want to get rid of it. And then I found myself, I'll be like, oh, I want to be around people and so I'll go be around people and then that doesn't work. They need to make it worse. Or I don't know I want to be sort of people be around people don't be around people. For some reason. I seem to think I want to be around people, but nine times out of 10 when I'm in that space, I don't I usually want to get out of my place. I don't want to be in it. But I find that when I get out, I just want to go back home because I'm irritated. So who wants to be around people? So this is a thing that I've been learning about myself. And what I really need is probably to just stay put put TV on, listen to some music and just let it pass because the worst thing about being irritable for me is I feel like I have to try so hard not to let anyone see it because it does it's not fair. Like anything will irritate me about somebody when a miracle like they could they're doing nothing wrong probably just I don't know it can be anything at all will bother me. And then I feel like I have to work extra hard to not show that I'm irritated and I'm like why are we even out here? Go home? Yeah, like don't You don't need to be around anyone.

Ralph Andracchio  
What if just that getting out of your house for 20 minutes is what you needed. Right?

Kristin Wood  
But sometimes maybe yeah, it doesn't do anything bad. It's just like, I feel like for me, it ends up being a full circle where I'm like, Okay, well, you really kind of just need to go home but maybe right maybe it's the fact that I just like got out. Did that for a few minutes. No harm, no foul with it, but I - that's a good point. I think you just did therapy on me.

Ralph Andracchio  
Wow, am I? 

Kristin Wood  
Ralph's doing therapy on me. 

Ralph Andracchio  
Well, I take all kinds of insurance. So I don't do it right don't do well, but I take the insurance. I don't know what to do with it. I will fill out forms and just throw them out. It's also like the judgment thing too of what's acceptable to other people. You said like I don't want to be around people or like and then I thought, Oh, well, there's people that go to work and they they aren't maybe they're sad about something or irritated or you know, whatever. And then they have to face other people being like, oh, what's going on? Why are you so Oh, do you just do this or just just forget about it or just just relax?

Kristin Wood  
Right? Of course there's instances where you can't avoid it. You gotta deal with it and those suck.

Ralph Andracchio  
And the people I think the worst part is the advice from other people. You know, nobody in the history of forever has relaxed when somebody's told them to relax. Please stop doing that. It doesn't work. It's like telling people to breathe like you know what? I am already breathing Denise. Ok? Yeah. Thanks, Denise. Why don't you go back to your - why don't you go back to your cubicle. Okay. I'm fine. I'm breathing. I will relax when I'm ready. Okay. I don't know why name checked Denise.

Kristin Wood  
We love Denises by the way.

Ralph Andracchio  
It's just the first first word that came into my head. But yeah, I think the best thing we can do if we see somebody who is going through it, and I know we've covered this on other shows, but just give them space. Just be there. Listen, and don't you know, sometimes the best advice is no advice. Just listen. Hey, if you need anything, let me know. I'll be over here.

Kristin Wood  
Yeah, if they're irritable, like you could breathe the wrong way and bother them.

Ralph Andracchio  
it's nothing you're doing, it's not about you. It's just you know, we all got stuff we're going through. So give people some space. Yeah, stop judging. Stop judging yourself. Stop judging other people. Put the judge robe away. 

Kristin Wood  
I'm sorry. 

Ralph Andracchio  
No, go ahead. I was just gonna keep going on... No it's over. The tangent's done.

Kristin Wood  
The moment has passed.

Ralph Andracchio  
The moment has passed.

Kristin Wood  
And simply put, sometimes just go into bed. Helps in these moments where you're just like, I don't know what the heck's going on. I'm feeling really sad. I'm feeling really stressed. Whatever. Sometimes just That's why people sometimes take a nap to cope with feelings, and sometimes that helps.

Ralph Andracchio  
I nap daily. I am an old man. I nap after I eat. After I eat lunch, I take a nap. Well Dan does too were cute we nap together.

Kristin Wood  
You siesta. 

Ralph Andracchio  
We have a little siesta. 

Kristin Wood  
I love that you nap together. I'm now picturing the whole napping and the snuggling. 

Ralph Andracchio  
Well I mean we don't we don't curl up there's we have our separate couches.

Kristin Wood  
Oh, okay. I thought there was a snuggle fest and I got really excited about it 

Ralph Andracchio  
Sometimes, but not all the time. But yes. Just figuring out what you need given yourself the space to do it. And you know, take a nap take a nap. It's it's fine. You know, it's... yeah.

Kristin Wood  
Sorry. Interruptasaurus.

Ralph Andracchio  
Interruptasaurus Rex. Geez. Yeah. What else can we say about this topic?

Kristin Wood  
I can just reiterate the shoulds. Yeah, please. I mean, there were things like I said, exceptions to what I'm saying. But what do I need right now? And maybe you don't know. But maybe you try a couple things. What do I need? And also this whole concept of laying around and like I'm gonna do eat ice cream and hope that it's open. And doing nothing is sometimes exactly what we need. But we judge that oh, I'm being lazy. Oh, I shouldn't be doing laundry. No, there we go with the shirts. Maybe what you need is to do nothing. Hang out, read a book, watch TV and go to bed.

Ralph Andracchio  
And I know there's gonna be people out there that say well, I can't do that. I mean, in a perfect world. Sure. I would love to spend spend some me time doing stuff but I'm way too busy. I've got I've gotten my day packed with meetings and things to do from sunup to sundown and I can't Well, you're gonna have to make some space for yourself. I mean, it's that's an untenable pace to move at. And if you're one of those people that says I don't have free time for myself that's because you're not making it you you are in charge of your schedule. And you can even if it's it doesn't have to be a whole like spa day. Even if it's like a half hour or reading a book or you know, make yourself some hot chocolate. If you haven't had it in a while, you know, or you know, sit outside on a bench. I mean ice cream, like do something where you, you just have to exist. You don't have to do anything, you know, and it really does make a big difference. I would tell that to clients that I had before that would say the same thing we're talking about today. Like, I can't do that. Because that doesn't always have to be a product to what we're doing. Sometimes the product is just taking care of yourself and feeling better.

Kristin Wood  
Yeah, and I think to just sort of address people that have much busier lives you know, there's children there's, there's I get, there's people that have a lot more musts or not even shoulds but have to Yeah, but I think it's about figuring out carving out that space you know, it might not be can go to bed at nine o'clock. It might not be that you can just watch Netflix whenever you want, but maybe it means that you have to get through your half twos. And maybe you carve out 1015 minutes to sit with that bowl of ice cream alone in the dark in the kitchen. You know after a day. That was lovely, especially children. Quiet, you know carving it out it might not be you know, might not have as much time literally to be able to do everything maybe you need but trying to be creative around how can you do carve out a piece here somewhere.

Ralph Andracchio  
it's self care is going to look different for everybody. So whatever that means to you something you've been neglecting. Do that and and you know, we're all emotional beings. It's how we process information in life. So emotions are here to stay. They're not going anywhere, but But sitting learning how to sit with them and deal with them and navigate them and analyze them and you know all that good stuff. It just that it sets you up better to handle them on a day to day basis and makes you feel more in control of your life. 

Kristin Wood  
Amen. Hallelujah. Peace be to ya. 

Ralph Andracchio  
Peace, peace be with you. Peace be to ya. I want you to start your own church and that's going to be your... peace be to ya. Y'all, I got a bag full peace up here.

Kristin Wood  
I promise this is seltzer, but I can't even put words together. Okay, now I have the giggles like I was 12 so we should probably wrap up.

Ralph Andracchio  
All right, friends. Yeah, I think I think that's a good place to say thank you very much again. Before I forget we are we made the charts on GoodPods. I'll put a link to them in our show notes. But we're number 35 I think out of 100 on there on their charts for wellness podcasts. So we're doing some good work. I think people are listening. 

Kristin Wood  
Are we getting a trophy? 

Ralph Andracchio  
I think we are getting a trophy. If not, I'll make us one it's fine. but again, remember if you're enjoying this remember to to like us. Subscribe. Subscribe to us. share us with your friends. Tell them tell people about it. Wear a t shirt. We should make tshirts.

Kristin Wood  
Oh my god we totally should. Why aren't we doing that? We're gonna put that out there.

Ralph Andracchio  
I'll put it on my list. But thank you very much for listening. We appreciate every single one of you. And again, if you have any ideas for something you want us to talk about or guests you think we should have or topics you think we should tackle. heyletmeaskyousomething@gmail.com We're on all the social medias, Facebook, Instagram Tik Tok.

Kristin Wood  
I was just designing our sweatshirts in my head. Thank you very much everyone.

Ralph Andracchio  
Have a good day. Bye.

Transcribed by https://otter.ai