A New Career Over 40 - S04E12

On this week’s show Kristin and I are talking more about quiet quitting and how it may tie into looking to switch careers over 40, what factors can go into looking for a new career after so many years, and how to know what to look for in this new phase of your life.

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DISCALIMER:
The views expressed on the Hey Let Me Ask You Something Podcast are solely the opinions of your hosts Kristin Wood and Ralph Andracchio and are based on their years of practical and clinical experience. These opinions do not constitute any kind of advice, diagnosis, or treatment of any mental, physical, or emotional issues. If you are having an emergency or any serious ongoing situations please contact your local hospital or a trusted professional.

Transcript

The Hey Let Me Ask You Something Podcast
Season 04
Episode 12
A New Career Over 40

[MUSIC INTRO PLAYS]

Ralph Andracchio  
Time to get curious. It's The Hey Let Me Ask You Something Podcast the show dedicated to inspiring more people to ask more questions and have more interesting conversations. On this week's show, Kristin and I are talking more about quiet quitting, and how it may tie in to looking to switch careers over 40. What factors can go into looking for a new career after so many years, and how to know what to look for in this new phase of your life...

Kristin Wood  
Just the whole idea of quiet quitting is not necessarily a new career, but it's a new approach to work and how you do your work, which is sort of loosely related to looking for a new job for you. So it might not just be necessarily a new job, but also just a whole new way of looking at work.

Ralph Andracchio  
It's interesting to tie this in with finding something new over 40 or over a certain age because there is that struggle within yourself of oh my god, I was taught to do this a certain way. But now those rules don't really apply anymore.

Kristin Wood  
Especially if you are shifting like, like our topic here, I guess to a new career is being able to sit down and look at what you have done thus far. And finally clickable skills because they're likely very much there. It's just that you have another set of glasses on you gotta look at it a little bit differently

Ralph Andracchio  
This isn't on the workers, it's on the companies. You it's on you to create an environment that people want to work at.

Ralph Andracchio  
The best way for you to help us inspire more conversations and easily find more of our great episodes is to hit that subscribe button and share the show with your friends. And check us out on YouTube if you want to see us as well as hear us. And remember we love that you're listening but this show is for entertainment and we are not your therapist or your coach. We are not providing professional advice from either us or our guests. Give the full disclaimer in the show notes a once over for more info on that. All right, my friends. Let's start this conversation.

Kristin Wood  
No technical problems. 

Ralph Andracchio  
We really need a producer

Kristin Wood  
Had to turn the air off so Ralph didn't melt while recording.

Ralph Andracchio  
I run hot 

Kristin Wood  
I will be fine and everyone else suffers.

Ralph Andracchio  
Hot Italian. I'm teaching myself Italian right now taking an online... I can say it's Duolingo I don't care. It's a it's going well I started I did start it back officially back in January and I did it for four months. But then I know November. It's hard to remember and then I was chugging along and then I stopped it for like six months five months and now I just picked it up again.

Kristin Wood  
Do you get to talk to other people.

Ralph Andracchio  
No, I was doing Rosetta Stone before and that one you do like you can log on to like an online class and there's a native speaker who can who like walks you through stuff. I didn't like it because I kept getting stuck on pink and red. And I was saying them wrong and she kept like "No Ralph. It's this not this" and I was like I got yelled at by the by the online Rosetta Stone teachers.

Kristin Wood  
I that's you know I should put that on my to do list actually is that as winter comes and we try to explore hobbies and things because I love to speak Spanish. And I have a background in it. But I'm beyond rusty because it's been forever.

Ralph Andracchio  
I recommend Duolingo I really like it. A lot of my friends are on it too. So you can like high five each other when you like complete something or you can do challenges together and you can like follow each other's progress. So it's fun.

Kristin Wood  
Yeah, I mean, the key for me if I'm going to do it is that I need some type of forum afterwards where I can go on and talk. It doesn't have to be a class I don't even want it to be a class be with whoever chat about life in Spanish to practice because that's the problem.

Ralph Andracchio  
But yeah, it's it's being immersed in it is is the issue like I I have people I could talk to an Italian but I don't but I need to Yeah, it's it's actually sticky. So I try every day to remind myself like I'm just learning like the regular words like apples and birds and you know insects but now I'm I'm forcing myself to like when I make breakfast and I grab all the stuff I need to make breakfast I name it by the Italian words so like if I grab a bowl I'm like oh ciotola, and like a fork is a forchetta so like I'm I'm like as I grab stuff I'm saying it so it reminds me to think and, I know how to say I love you sweetheart in Italian and it's ti amo tesoro. And so I started saying that to him and he's like, oh shit are we doing this again? Because he remembered from last time. And I'm like you need to... 

Kristin Wood  
You're supposed to say it back. 

Ralph Andracchio  
First of all, you're supposed to say it back. Secondly, you need to support me in this now he's fine with it, but he's like, oh, man, we're doing this again. I do I have a question. A serious question. Before we start. Do I smell like bug spray? 

Kristin Wood  
No. 

Ralph Andracchio  
Okay, because I was I was working in my...

Kristin Wood  
Now I'm gonna start sniffing to see if I can smell it. 

Ralph Andracchio  
No, it's working out in my backyard today and I had to spray a little Off on and it has a unique odor to it.

Kristin Wood  
Yes I know that odor and I do not smell it.

Ralph Andracchio  
Okay, it probably faded. All right. All right. Good, 

Kristin Wood  
That was an important question.

Ralph Andracchio  
It was no because I'm I want to be presentable at all times. And if I I forgot that I had sprayed it on.

Kristin Wood  
Yeah, last week. It was me worrying or whatever week was me worrying about my feet smelling they had a couple hours to air out. Plus I had a sandal on so I don't have the foot concern today. 

Ralph Andracchio  
Okay, and they've aired out? 

Kristin Wood  
Yeah. Plus it was freezing cold in that training this morning. So there was no sweating going on.

Ralph Andracchio  
Yeah, that's uh, I am okay being freezing cold in my bedroom because it helps me sleep sometimes not all the time. But sometimes if I'm having trouble sleeping, it's probably because the room is not cold enough.

Kristin Wood  
That's like the only place I literally at night will put the airway down. You know if it's if it's a really hot day and evening, and then I run it into my bed and get under the covers really fast because like, I won't even have an arm before I go to bed. Yeah, but then I go to bed. I'm like, alright, you might not be cold hot now but like if you don't put some air on you're gonna wake up sweating. Oh, that's worse and I like running to the bed and a gun. Get on with the cause nothing get in my way. So chill will develop.

Ralph Andracchio  
Yeah, I I forgot I was gonna by myself. I saw these water pillows. They're like water filled pillows so you can adjust them to, it's like the firmness or softness how you want it 

Kristin Wood  
and when you get this can I see it? 

Ralph Andracchio  
Yeah, I was gonna because we have a Sleep Number bed so I got that taken care of. But I think my pillows are given me neck problems. So 

Kristin Wood  
Yeah, we gotta do a lot of neck problems.

Ralph Andracchio  
We'll do a whole neck problem episode.

Kristin Wood  
I have to make the big announcement. 

Ralph Andracchio  
What big announcement? 

Kristin Wood  
About what happened yesterday.

Ralph Andracchio  
What happened yesterday? 

Kristin Wood  
I just told you about it. 

Ralph Andracchio  
Yeah, but make the announcement. 

Kristin Wood  
I went on Tik Tok. 

Ralph Andracchio  
Yeah! Finally on Tik Tok.

Kristin Wood  
I said it's time it's time because people are like, I can't get off my phone. And I'm like, I don't want to have that problem. Not trying to create an addiction to my phone, but I also feel out of the loop. I don't do I don't have trouble putting my phone. I will. If someone texts me I want to text them back and know about it. But like I'm not on my phone looking at Instagram or anything all day and I can't get away. But I felt like I was missing something. So I've been perusing and you can just like kill time

Ralph Andracchio  
Yeah, but and the these stories you interact with like the videos you interact with helps you to like curate your feed so you see more of that stuff. So I just had this conversation with somebody this week. My Tik Tok feed is all Karen videos, cute cute kittens doing cute things, Scary stuff like ghosts videos or paranormal stuff and DIY stuff like house renovations. And I love it. Like, don't even have to think about it. It's all stuff I love. I just scroll through it. It's amazing. Sometimes I'll throw a weird video in there that I like but...

Kristin Wood  
I learned a new hairstyle 

Ralph Andracchio  
Already? 

Kristin Wood  
Yeah, like I already kind of done part of this hairstyle. And she took it to another level. And I was like I just remembered right now so I was looking at it but mine is like funny videos was singing and dancing and sentimental singing ones. It's so celebrity stuff in there. It's I don't know, it's a bunch of different kinds of stuff. But oh, just warming up to the warmer I can't wait to start posting. I did send my friend because there was one about being a mom in Denver, Colorado, that she lives in Denver. So I sent her that but I don't know how to like anyway, I'll get to that later. It's I know how to post it on other sites but I don't remember my passwords ever so that's...

Ralph Andracchio  
Oh, there's a way if you if you click the share button on the Tik Tok. It'll cut a screen will come up. It'll give you all different ways and all different platforms. You can share it you can just text the link to somebody too 

Kristin Wood  
Yeah, I did that with your friend. 

Ralph Andracchio  
Yeah, yeah. Yeah, they don't have to have TikTok. 

Kristin Wood  
We'll let you know how it goes everyone.

Ralph Andracchio  
Oh, this is exciting. Dawning of the Age of Aquarius. So today, 

Kristin Wood  
Yeah, we're going to jump off of last week.

Ralph Andracchio  
We're gonna jump off last week about quiet quitting. Huge right now. Dumbest name and the history of forever. But it's like you can't really go anywhere on the internet without looking at something that has to do with quiet quitting. And we talked last week all about how quiet quitting is really just you establishing healthy boundaries in care. Taking care of yourself. That's that's at its its base level. That's what it is. And as I was looking through my tick tock feed, I've noticed that a video that I did a while ago about changing careers after 40 started to get more traction like people are starting to organically watch it more and like it more and I'm like Oh, I wonder why that is and I think it's you said it might be connected to quiet quitting everything that's happening in the in the world. Right now job hopping, you know, taking care of yourself trying new things. So I was like, maybe interesting to kind of bundle all those together and see what the next is but it you know, finding, finding a new path after a certain age Yeah, is something that's been knocking around in my head recently.

Kristin Wood  
And I also think, you know, if we want to extend it a little I don't know if we'll go here or not. But who knows?

Ralph Andracchio  
The world is our oyster. 

Kristin Wood  
Yes, but I think just the whole idea of quiet quitting is not necessarily a new career, but it's a new approach to work and how you do your work, which is sort of loosely related to looking for a new job at 40. So it might not just be necessarily a new job, but also just a whole new way of looking at work and of how work fits into your life.

Ralph Andracchio  
And I always see this as a, a push and pull between the old way of doing things versus the new way of doing things I can't speak for you but when I was first getting into the job worlds and the job market, there were very specific rules about like, what your resume is supposed to look like what was supposed to be on there and it's really bad if you job hard, you have to like stick they want to see you like sticking to jobs for a long time. And you know, you don't want to leave and you have to find the one job that you're going to fall in love with and you're gonna do that forever till you retire. Everything's changed now, like people who are entering the workforce now it's you know, job hopping is fine. You You You keep trying stuff out to find something that clicks with you, you know, it's not so much of a ding against you anymore. Your resume can look totally different and like quiet quitting camp I hate saying that it's only been like saying I don't even like eats I'm a mouth hates it my mouth hates the words. The establishing those healthy boundaries at work, you know, is it I think an offshoot of that of you know, I don't have to do it the way everybody did it before where I find the job and I stay there forever until I retire. And so I think it's interesting to tie this in with finding something new over 40 or over a certain age because there is that struggle within yourself of oh my god, I was taught to do this the certain way but now those rules don't really apply anymore.

Kristin Wood  
Or maybe even just for those people that went in a direction that maybe a parent or another mentor figure had steered them, you know, and now 10 years, 15 years, 20 years into doing it. They're finally acknowledging it's not what they want to do. That could be part of it also. And I think that maybe with COVID I'm sorry, we have to bring this into it because it's a huge part of the whole quiet coding thing and everything else but it's just people realized people had to sit with their stuff a whole lot more and look at themselves a whole lot more and I think people have discovered stuff and maybe that's that they weren't happy in their career being one of them.

Ralph Andracchio  
Yeah. And it can be terrifying, changing gears changing lanes after you've been doing something for so long. There's a sense of security that you're leaving a sense of, you know, I have known this forever. I have a work family. I have friends here I you know, I've gained a little seniority. It's it's hard to think like oh, man, I'm going to be starting all over again. I'm going to be I'm going to be the newbie, doing something. I think that factors into it a lot too.

Kristin Wood  
Yeah, being really comfortable. Maybe not happy but being comfortable. Because you've been doing it for so long.

Ralph Andracchio  
Well and happy that on the happy part of it. I was gonna call it something cool, but my brain said no. We're not that cool. The happiness angle of it. You know, it's if you're changing careers, after a long time, there has to be something that you just weren't happy with. I think in some aspects, people sometimes people will say, Oh, now it's just time for me to move on and go do something else. Well, that means that you got bored with what you were doing or there was something that wasn't fulfilling. You know, it doesn't have to be you know, I cry every time I come home from work because it's just so miserable. And everybody there hates me. It could just be a slow build up of, you know, slow realization that oh, maybe this isn't the thing I want to do and that's okay. You know, we get to pick and choose what we do. With our life and how we earn our money.

Kristin Wood  
Yeah, and you spend I forget what the percentages of time or at work. So if it's not something that you're enjoying or getting some some type of satisfaction into, I don't think everyone that takes a job loves her job, but get something from you know, and you have the ability to try something different, then, you know, I think I'm glad to see that people are doing this like, this is one of those things from COVID. I think it's removing anyway. And the shift around that that I think is so healthy. Is that I think more people, definitely more people are changing jobs. And I think in doing so more people are changing careers at the same time too.

Ralph Andracchio  
And this isn't, and again, this is just my point of view, but this isn't on the workers. It's on the companies. If you have a position that you can't fill that it has high turnover. You have low sense of team teamwork and camaraderie and you know, satisfaction and morale at your business. That's not the people you're hiring. That's you. That's the culture you've created. That's the structure that you've set up at your business and your office that people don't want to stay in. And if you're if you're a business or somebody who owns a business now and you can't hold on to people and you're complaining, oh, it's it's these young kids that are coming in think they can just job off and do whatever they want. No, that's the way it should be. You it's on you to create an environment that people want to work. Yeah, yeah, you should have people lined up out the door to work at your business. If it's a great business, you shouldn't be turning people away because you'd have too many applications, you know, but if you can't hold on to somebody at work, you got to turn that critical eye inward and say, Maybe I need to change something. And I know I'm gonna get pushback from this from people because I know small business owners who agree 1,000% with the quiet quitting thing and say, you know, people are just too entitled. No, they're they're just setting up healthy. boundaries and they know what they want and they know that they don't have to cling on to a job because that's the only game in town and they're you know, oh if I leave this job, I'll be job hopping and nobody's gonna want me I'll be I'll be sullied in the eyes of you know, Oh God that's can open up a whole other can of worms about being... how can I put this.

Kristin Wood  
You said sully. I thought of that guy that landed the airplane in the water.

Ralph Andracchio  
Sully! Sully Sullenberger. He landed the plane in the Hudson. he ya know the he ran into a flock of geese, right yeah, yeah. No, that's all it's I'm always ready to bring up Sully Sullenberger because national treasure. look him up. If you don't know the the this the story. No, it's like this. There's this whole weird. I don't even know if this is the right term, but like this virginal aspect to like, Oh, you have to be you have to pick one job. You have to marry that job. And you can't go cheating on it with other jobs. It's like this weird relationship idea of what, am I am I off?

Kristin Wood  
Oh, yeah, you're making me think of like, just like myself. When even it's within my field, but it's outside to look when people lots of people don't understand what social workers do or you know, if you see therapists, people kind of think wrap their head around that one. But I've done a bunch of different things like being a therapist, and my own business is one thing. I've been in the field for 25 plus years. So like, I've done all kinds of things in the field. And for some people that's really weird to hear like, oh, you worked in a hospital. Oh, you worked in for department Human Services. Oh, you worked in, you know, like all these different areas of the field and people like that doesn't sound that they're criticizing me necessarily, but that's like foreign to them. And even within the field. Sometimes people can hone into one area like I mean, I work in addiction, or I work in, in foster care, whatever. And they do their whole career in that which is totally fine. Like I am not in any way saying there's something wrong with that. I never wanted to do that. Like that was never. I had so many areas of interest and I for me personally think my diverse experience made me a good clinician, and good as a social worker. So it's like even within my my field and in my path, I've had people kind of I'm not critical, like I said, but like scratching their heads sometimes what is she? She's been all over the place. What exactly does she do? She says she's a social worker thing.

Ralph Andracchio  
Yeah, but I the journey is not necessarily the bad thing. It's, it's how we then relay that information to people. You know, like I do that myself. I struggled with that a lot with myself because I'm the same way I've been jumping around not necessarily a lot recently, but I've had a bunch of weird different jobs in my in my history, but I finally it took me this long I'm 46 now it's like it just took me this long in my life to finally find my groove and settle into what I'm good at. And I found that all the opportunities that are now presenting themselves, you know, my owning my own business being a part of the comedy community here in the city and like, it's all revolves around communication now and mindset and how people talk to each other, how we feel about ourselves, how we connect, and it's like, Oh, I get it now. Like it took me this long just to find that niche. And now everything I do, no matter how on unrelated they seem, they are because it's all about my fascination with how we talk to each other. You know, and and so, wherever you're at in your career, you know, journey. I encourage people to think of it that way. Like what is what is what are the things that all of your different jobs have in common? Yeah. What do you like to do you know, what attracts you to jobs when you go looking for stuff? It's a it seems like a really simple thing, but it's not it's like the basis for for what how we like, plan out what jobs we apply for, and you know, where we're going to live and who we're going to talk to and networking and all that stuff. So the more you can nail down that simple stuff, the more everything else will kind of come to you.

Kristin Wood  
Yeah, I was gonna say the same thing. Especially if you are shifting like, like our topic here, I guess to a new career is being able to sit down and look at what you have done thus far. And finally applicable skills because they're likely very much there. And it's just that you haven't put another set of glasses on you got to look at it a little bit differently. How does what I've been doing transfer to what I'm going to do it I'm sure it does, I absolutely sure does. And because part of um, this is something really like simple basic, most people already know but part of it is selling yourself right. So you have to be confident and believe in your journey. And where you are now where you're trying to go in order for someone else to be confident in it. So it's being able to articulate that as you look at that new career new job on that interview. How much you believe in it, believe in you, which I don't mean to sound like a Hallmark card but kind of like that's going to transfer like people not transfer people are going to see that and that's going to speak a lot if you're able to do that because maybe they won't be solid enough to bring you in for an interview. So now you got your foot in the door. So being able to explain and when if it's something you are passionate about which I realize not everyone gets passionate in their work even when they do decide to do a career change but if it is, when you speak about it, people are going to see that and that is going to be very attractive to other people and to employers. If they really see you have a passion or and or drive for this new career and X thing. It does it does because I feel like that that I'm not saying that's gonna get you the job just that alone. But I think that that's an important component.

Ralph Andracchio  
Absolutely. Yeah, the more confidence we can have in ourselves and and what's driving us to do what we do and if we can articulate that strongly and boldly. I think that makes a ton of difference. And now, now I'm thinking about people who are changing later on, you know, in their lives. I'm sure there's gotta be there's a lot of stuff that I want to bring up. I'm trying to file it, organize it swirl around, buffering buffering. They I'm sure there's a an aspect of what are people going to think you know, I'm, I'm this silly person, you know, the 40 year old person who's now you know, thinking about changing careers. Everybody's probably going to think that's silly. Why are you doing that? Just stick it out. You only you only have like 20 years left and you can retire. Don't get me started on retiring. Because I think that's a whole scam too. Yeah, don't worry about what other people think either in terms of like, if you've gotten to the point where Yeah, I want to try something different and you're in a position where you can do it because a lot of times there's there a lot of their pushback is them kind of project or project. And then you can say more about projects. No, no, no, no, no. Yeah, please. Yeah. You can say more about projecting than I can.

Kristin Wood  
Oh, I mean, I think people do that all the time when they're trying to get you to do something or not do something. They're projecting their own stuff onto you or they're insecure about their own situation. Or they wouldn't be saying they'd be like saying, Go Go for it. That sounds great if they felt good about their own, you know, but when when they don't, or when they obviously do not just when somebody starts saying that, Oh, what about this or what about that? And that's the other thing was when somebody makes an announcement or whatever tells someone they're going to do something new and different. That's challenging. And when people start saying, what about this and what about your money and what about that mortgage? And that's just what don't do that. Like, that's Rossland like, don't do that. Don't do that. Nobody wants to hear that. They've already thought about that. We're worried about that already. And that is just very not supportive.

Ralph Andracchio  
And again, this goes back to episode we did this season about being supportive for your friends. Try it you know, the first thing we want to do is try to help people and I think you may think you're being helpful by pointing out the obvious of like, well, you're going to need a paycheck to pay your bills. You're not going to work for free, right? Yes, I'm sure the people who have been thinking about this long and hard that's the first thing they thought about is I'm going to find something that pays my bills and my mortgage and all that stuff. So yeah, the best thing you can do if somebody comes to you and it's like, yeah, I'm changing careers. This is really tough decision, but I need you know, I need to try other stuff. Just be supportive. Listen, say oh my god, that's great. What got you here, you know, like, ask them about what they're thinking and you know what, they're looking forward to just be supportive friend. You don't have to be the Nancy Negative. You know, Susan Naysayer,

Kristin Wood  
I don't like I don't like her. I call her Negative Nancy, whatever she's called. She goes by both.

Ralph Andracchio  
She answers to both. And also, this, this whole conversation we were having right now is, you know, assuming whoever's changing careers later is in a position where they can do that. Yeah, you know, we realize that this isn't where everybody is on their journey, you know, their work journey, but it's still stuff you can think about. If you even if you can't, you know, change careers right now. It's still if you're not happy, it's asking why it really boils down to ask them the question why why don't why am I not fulfilled? Why am I not happy? You know, if I had if I had my you know, perfect world blue sky, kind of, you know, I can get whatever I want. What would my perfect job look like? And then break that down like, oh, okay, what I really want is more time with my family. Really, what I really want is to work nights so I can have my day free to do stuff. What I really want is to work within a mile radius of my house, you know, no matter how silly you think it is, those things matter. And then once you can list all of them you have a long enough list you you kind of can say oh, this is like I have enough here as like a sketch of a job that I could really enjoy.

Kristin Wood  
Yeah. I mean it's not a decision to make impulsively obviously. 

Ralph Andracchio  
If you're a billionaire maybe

Kristin Wood  
Something to think about think through and you know to evaluate Is it the job? You know, this is here's my therapy hat Sorry.

Ralph Andracchio  
No don't apologize do it. 

Kristin Wood  
Like you got to really evaluate what's what's making you unhappy. And might be more than one thing I'm sorry if it is but is it the job? Is the job what you've been focusing on? But it's really not you know, just you have one of the plans. This is something you have to think through and you have to be clear on before you do anything, but and that can be scary in and of itself, right. It's coming up with the plan of like, figuring it all out. That kind of keeps people stuck sometimes in you know, I was thinking about again, I'm sorry, I'm bringing up COVID. But like, don't COVID How many times how many stories you saw on TV and maybe people you knew that started new businesses and started new new things that came out of being at home like a zillion different stories about that. The people that just like, I was trying to do this and then I decided to do this or I couldn't work because of this and I tried this. I think that's a lot of what's behind it too.

Ralph Andracchio  
Yeah, it's, we don't normally have the opportunity to try new things and see what works and what doesn't, and that's, that's one of the downfalls of you know, this the society we live in that is based around capitalism is there's not a lot of room for error a lot of times and I mean error in terms of like trial and error, like I'm going to try this so it didn't work on try this. And we have to have that steady stream of income to like, just live peacefully. So and there's different ways you can do it. I again, I just want to be mindful of saying I realize that uh, you know, a lot of people can't do that can't do trial and error because that means oops, I'm kicked out of my apartment. Because I can't afford the rent. Or I have I have kids, I have a spouse I have car payments. I have a mortgage payment, you know, it I think it is also a big part of this is how can I live with myself if I don't do this? And again, it's, excuse me, I'm getting choked up about this. Okay. It's, you know, I'm putting all this time and energy and effort into this job that I don't really like. Why, you know, and is there is there something else I could do? Is there is it that I'm just spending too much time at this job, maybe the job is the right one for you, but you're just putting too much time and energy into it. Going back to the quiet quitting thing. Maybe it's just setting up a more healthy boundaries around your current job and saying, hey, it's not that this job is terrible. It's just taking up a lot of my time. I need to start setting healthy boundaries of you know, I'm gonna close my laptop at five and that's it. no emails, no phone calls, no meetings. And if you're a manager, stop making meetings at 4:30 

Kristin Wood  
No one wants to go. Nobody's even there. 

Ralph Andracchio  
Nobody likes you for doing that. You're not getting any you know, you don't look like a better manager because you're, you know, you're asking people to go to a meeting at five o'clock. No, people hate you. I'm gonna tell you right now, people don't like it. And especially don't start meetings at 830 in the morning. Don't start these weird meetings outside of like normal business hours. Normal business Hours are there for a reason. Yeah. There's because before that, I'm waking up, I'm eating breakfast. I'm getting ready for the day. And then after that, I'm going home and that's my personal time. You know, when work starts to infringe on that stuff. People don't like you. 

Kristin Wood  
Yeah. That's true. A lot of negative nancies those meetings at 830 and 430. Everyone's got a bug up the behind and they're checked out. Yeah.

Ralph Andracchio  
Why are we doing this? Could this be an email? Could this have been a short instant message that you sent to everybody you know, but that's a whole other that's a whole other episode but i don't know i There's nothing wrong with wanting to change what you're doing after 40 after and I think we're using 40 as like, that's like the halfway point for a lot of people have like, you know, we should have your stuff figured out already. You should be settled into a job no, nobody nobody's got their stuff figured out. 100% So don't even don't even sweat that that part of it. Do your thing you know find your joy. There's too many miserable people in the world. And I think a lot of it is they feel stuck. They have lives that are fulfilling them jobs that aren't fulfilling. They have relationships that aren't fulfilling, and they're just afraid to say no, I'm not going to do this anymore.

Kristin Wood  
Yeah, and I think I know, I'm being repetitive a little here. But, you know, another point to all this is to really again, like I said, already evaluate why you're unhappy. That's really important. The last thing you want to do is get too focused in on its work when it's not work. You know, so making sure that that career shift that you can really while you're identifying your skill sets to can transfer to your new career, and you're evaluating what you're looking for. Also, make sure maybe before all that, that you're evaluating exactly what what is making you unhappy also, and because sometimes work can really serve as a pain in the butt like a distraction, like an easy thing to blame for being unhappy. But it's like, you know, if you for instance, or somebody that works too much you work all the time. And so, but you're working all the time, because you're avoiding your family and the problems. Well, you don't like to be alone with your thoughts. And then you say, I can't do this anymore. This job is taking up too much my time. Problem is not the job, necessarily. The problem is what's going on with you and the way you're using the career or job to try to deal with that or distract from that. So that is a piece to consider before anyone. It's just being very clear. You know, because especially in our 40s and 50s. We can have a little midlife crisis and like I'm out of here. You know, I'm like you just want to make sure that you really do evaluate what the source of the unhappiness is and be sure it's the career before you make a move. I'm in no way trying to discourage anyone from making a change. I think that's great. But I do know I've talked to a lot of people that it never really was the job that was the issue. But they constantly were focused on that.

Ralph Andracchio  
That's a great point. Yeah, we hide behind. We don't even realize we're hiding behind stuff that we're hiding behind or using as like a crutch or a conduit to to skirt around the big issue. That's a great point.

Kristin Wood  
It can also be the other way around, where it's like, oh, it's because my wife is this or my kids are a pain in the butt or I hate mowing the lawn or whatever it is. It can be all this other stuff that you're focused on when really the job so it's like it's the job is making you so grumpy and so drained that when you aren't at work, you're miserable. Yeah, because you gave it all at work. So it's just kind of a look at everything when you make this decision. I hope I'm not going off track.

Ralph Andracchio  
No, I think that was great. And also, I think, a good first step if this is something that's weighing on somebody out there, take take time, take an hour, make yourself a cup of coffee or a hot chocolate or whatever. Earl Grey, whatever your drink of choice is a nice calming beverage and sit down in a nice comfy chair, get a notebook or a piece of paper or whatever. And actually, I think get a piece of paper and a pen or a pencil. Don't do it on your phone. Don't do it on your laptop. Separate yourself from technology. Old school ways are usually the best for stuff like this. Get a pen get a piece of paper, a nice beverage sit in a chair and give yourself time to just write down what you want. What do I really want out of life right now? What do I really want out of my job right now? What do I really want out of a relationship right now? Put all those things down on a piece of paper and look for look for things that are show up and each of the categories because that's a great way to kind of oh, oh I really just want more free time to do stuff Great. Oh, I really I just want to live somewhere warm and like work two hours a day. It's possible. I don't know. There's a job out there like that. But you never you're never going to know until you actually sit down and start writing this stuff down getting it out of your head. And the sooner you can do that the sooner you can get it get a handle on what Kristin was saying. About like, oh, it's not the job. It's really my relationship. Oh, it's not the job. It's where I'm living. I hate my apartment. I hate my house. I hate the city I'm living in. Oh, it's not the job. It's not taking care of myself and my health is kind of going to hell. That's that's totally valid to you know, but again, you're never going to know unless you actually examine it. Ask the question why? Why am I doing this? What do I actually want? And be honest with yourself if you can't be honest with yourself, you're never gonna get anywhere and this is all gonna. This is you're just going to keep living this this you know repeating cycle forever and ever until you break out of it.

Kristin Wood  
Yeah, yeah. And I think that yeah, I was just gonna be repetitive and I just think that what's what's been shifting I'm not saying the C word again. Over the past two years, I just think what's been a big thing that happened. Like, I just think has made a big change what people want and what they how they want their everything to look what they want to look like. Same thing I said last week and probably a million other weeks like people do was like you said a couple times to like that. They don't need to be in the office necessarily to get their work done. They don't need to be working a bazillion hours and be sitting at a desk when they've been maybe they were forced to be at home and now they realize I can get this done in this amount of time. So why am I doing this and I got all this, you know, all these things that people are forced to realize really, and I think it's just impacting, you know, some people might have been thought they were happy at work before and then we had a pandemic and now they're like, oh, no, I was not happy. I was happy with the changes. That happened because of the pandemic and then I got to be at home and have dinner with my family every night. And I don't want to go back to that.

Ralph Andracchio  
Yeah, and I think this is we're going through a lot of growing pains right now. Especially in American society, because there's their people are starting to push back against all these things that we've just taken for granted is like, oh, that's just the way it is. I can't do anything about it. Right? Not doing that anymore. And you know, the quiet quitting thing is a perfect example. of people started to set healthy boundaries and then the corporation's were like, Whoa, that's bad. You're quitting because you're taking care of yourself. We don't like that, you know, that means it's working. That means what we're doing is working, what you feel is working and keep doing it and do more of it. So question everything insists on putting your health first and your family first and your your free time first and setting healthy boundaries and advocating for yourself doing all that stuff. And if people are pushing back and saying you're wrong, or you know, you feel awkward about it, that means it's working. And you're on the right track. So keep doing it. Get support, talk to your friends, find people at work, who feel the same way. I guarantee you if you're not at your job, and somebody else there who feels the exact same way. Talk to each other kibitz with each other, go out for a drink, talk about it because that's that's how you that's how these things become rewarding. You know, and don't judge yourself too much. No matter what job you have. You could you could wear a suit and go to a go to a desk on 35th floor and center city or you could you know you could be a mechanic or you know, whatever whatever your job you have all of the things we're talking about apply. So, you know, it's it's never too late to learn something new to to take a night class and you know learn a new skill that may get you like Italian learn Italian learn Spanish, one of the Latin languages, French, Italian, Spanish, they're all related. They all have common. They have a common root,

Kristin Wood  
Don't start speaking in Italian here though. Because I won't understand what you're saying.

Ralph Andracchio  
I couldn't... all I can say the horses drink milk. That's that's about all I can say

Kristin Wood  
No one's saying that in real life though. 

Ralph Andracchio  
Because it doesn't happen. Italian is a fantasy language.

Kristin Wood  
Did you learn "I'm scared of the rhinoceros." 

Ralph Andracchio  
No ugh. I have to look that one up.

Kristin Wood  
Not on your newsfeed on Tik Tok I'm sure... I still find that funny. Sorry if you didn't listen to last week's episode. 

Ralph Andracchio  
Hippopotamus. No rhinos are fine. 

Kristin Wood  
I'm sorry. Not rhinos. Rhinos he's fine. Hippos.

Ralph Andracchio  
Hippos. 

Kristin Wood  
I'm sorry, it was very funny last week. Check out last week's episode, Ralph discusses his fear maybe distain for the hippopotamus.

Ralph Andracchio  
Oh boy. Um, yeah, all of our contact information is in the show notes. So if you want to learn more about us or contact us, please do that. You can also email us at

Kristin Wood  
heyletmeaskyousomething@gmail.com. Yep. And yeah. Please do please do please do. This is a big topic. I'm sure there's so much more to be said. If you guys send us some questions, comments, we can keep going on this or we'll come up with something else. I say it every time or a lot of times. Right as right as far as somebody's got to have a thought or an argument while you're listening to us. 

Ralph Andracchio  
I do get people who listen and they talk to me in person. But yeah, we want to hear more from all over the world, especially Antarctica. Want to hear from people who listen to us in Antarctica. So that's this is it for season four?

Kristin Wood  
Yes, we're going on a vacation, which means we're not going anywhere but we're not recording.

Ralph Andracchio  
I'm just gonna eat Oreos on my couch. That's all.

Kristin Wood  
Yeah, Ralph. Ralph, encountered the double stuff vanilla Oreos in my kitchen that are de-licious.

Ralph Andracchio  
Yeah, they're there. It's a good time. 

Kristin Wood  
Yeah. 

Ralph Andracchio  
All right, everybody. 

Kristin Wood  
Thanks man we'll see you next season.

Ralph Andracchio  
Thanks for listening see you next season.

Kristin Wood  
Enjoy the rest of your summer. 

Ralph Andracchio  
Enjoy the rest of your summer and we'll see you next time.

Kristin Wood  
Bye

Transcribed by https://otter.ai