Why Do We Stick With People Who Wouldn't Stick With Us? - S05E01

On this week’s show Kristin and I are digging into politics, religion, relationships, and trying to answer the question why do we attach to people who may not be the best for us.

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DISCALIMER:
The views expressed on the Hey Let Me Ask You Something Podcast are solely the opinions of your hosts Kristin Wood and Ralph Andracchio and are based on their years of practical and clinical experience. These opinions do not constitute any kind of advice, diagnosis, or treatment of any mental, physical, or emotional issues. If you are having an emergency or any serious ongoing situations please contact your local hospital or a trusted professional.

Transcript

The Hey Let Me Ask You Something Podcast
Season 05
Episode 01
Why Do We Stick With People Who Wouldn't Stick With Us?

[MUSIC INTRO PLAYS]

Ralph Andracchio  
Time to get curious. It's the Hey Let Me Ask You Something podcast. The show dedicated to inspiring more people to ask more questions and have more interesting conversations. On this week's show, Kristin and I are digging into politics, religion, relationships, all that crazy stuff and trying to answer the question, why do we attach to people who may not be the best for us?

Kristin Wood  
It's insecurity for me. It's insecurity to me that you can't stick by your values, beliefs. Then I feel like you have an insecurity within yourself of like, what you think and what you believe and you're looking to somebody else to tell you 

Ralph Andracchio  
and also I'm seeing a lot of parallels between what you're talking about political, religious, family stuff, relationships in terms of like it know how to, I have what you need. The only way to be cool, be in power and be respected, you know, have everything you want to be anybody is to come with me. 

Kristin Wood  
And people are very defensive. Need to argue their point. And and shove it and shove it down your throat to me, I see insecure.

Ralph Andracchio  
The best way for you to help us inspire more conversations and easily find more of our great episodes is to hit that subscribe button and share the show with your friends. And check us out on YouTube if you want to see us as well as hear us. And remember, we love that you're listening but this show is for entertainment and we are not your therapist or your coach. We are not providing professional advice either from us or our guests. Give the full disclaimer in the show notes a once over for more info on that. Alright my friends. Let's start this conversation

Kristin Wood  
Just put him in an upright position over there.

Ralph Andracchio  
All of your all of your pillows are advertising different parts of Halloween. Not necessarily Halloween. Well yeah, Halloween you don't have any just like straight up fall? It's all Halloween.

Kristin Wood  
I kind of went all Halloween I should have done a straight up fall.

Ralph Andracchio  
Do you have any fall decorations that you're gonna put up after?

Kristin Wood  
Not really. I have these little things on the table are my fall decorations. The problem with my place is there's no ledges or anything like I don't where am I putting something besides this coffee table or there? There's there's nowhere to really put anything.

Ralph Andracchio  
Um. Yeah, I guess and also it depends on what you're decorating with too. I mean, you can...

Kristin Wood  
I can take a picture down and hang something on the wall, but it's like I have so much shit in here already. I don't like have a lot of room for additional knickknacks and stuff.

Ralph Andracchio  
No, I mean, do you feel... do you feel pressure to decorate for all the holidays? Not Halloween, all the other ones? 

Kristin Wood  
Christmas is the only one I really like to... 

Ralph Andracchio  
What about Valentine's Day?

Kristin Wood  
Fuck Valentine's Day. It's a dumb day. No I don't feel the pressure. 

Ralph Andracchio  
I being from South Philly if anybody's listening who doesn't know 

Kristin Wood  
Oh I just cursed on the...

Ralph Andracchio  
Oh it's fine. I'll bleep it out. Or maybe not. This is our fifth season. The Year of Living Dangerously, 

Kristin Wood  
I'm gonna take my bra off now. 

Ralph Andracchio  
Take mine off too... people who don't know South Philly is notorious for especially around my area. People decorate for literally every every season. every occasion. So people are decorating for New Year's. And they're decorating for Valentine's Day. St. Patrick's Day, Fourth of July. You know, Labor Day, Memorial Day Christmas, Thanksgiving, Halloween, Easter like anything any any excuse you have. They're gonna throw some some twinkling stuff up. 

Kristin Wood  
And then Mother's Day comes they put stuff up for that. 

Ralph Andracchio  
Mother's Day they do roses in there window, like everything. And I have to like give them credit. That's that's a lot of diligence and like, you're committed to the cause you're doing that so I just I can't afford it. Like that's not only a full time job, but it's expensive. That's like an investment.

Kristin Wood  
It's good if you can get stuff like you were saying if I gotten like a happy fall pillow like things that can go a little longer. Yeah. And I didn't think about all that. But I love my Hello pumpkin over there a lot these were already bought. They're a set they're $20 for four you can't get any better than that price wise. And I like them so yeah, we'll see I feel the need at Christmas this year. I really need to get some new stuff. I really don't like my stuff. But I again I think I might focus more like lights and my tree there's not a lot of room in here for a ton of decorations.

Ralph Andracchio  
I remember us having the Christmas tree discussion.

Kristin Wood  
Oh, I think I threw it out and I was mad about it. And I'm investing this year and getting a good one like soon. I got cheap last year and then I was mad at it the whole season.

Ralph Andracchio  
There are people who just trace the outline of a tree on their wall in Christmas lights and call that a Christmas tree. There's people that hang their Christmas tree from the ceiling upside down.

Kristin Wood  
Absolutely weird and that sounds like something satanic

Ralph Andracchio  
Hey. Who knows. 

Kristin Wood  
No, I'm pretty traditional when it comes to especially Christmas.

Ralph Andracchio  
Me too. If anybody's hearing me slurping really loud it's because if you can't see me if you're not watching us on YouTube, it's because I have tea we both have tea

Kristin Wood  
Yeah, I I was a little chilly because I am always cold and my place is so hot all the time for normal people that I turned the heat down for Ralph and then I got a little chill. I don't even really drink tea but I'm having a cup of tea right now.

Ralph Andracchio  
I forgot to turn the light on. Wow, we are not prepared this season. 

Kristin Wood  
I can see us though.

Ralph Andracchio  
I know but I want to put the... right there we go.

Kristin Wood  
I thkn we look better.

Ralph Andracchio  
Yeah, a little uplighting takes away all the shadows from your chin and everything. Look at that. Now we're ready.

Kristin Wood  
So Ralph has been ill it's - this hiatus we've been on it's partly been we I think we needed a hiatus and Ralph and Dan have been under the weather..

Ralph Andracchio  
Yeah, two and a half years, we avoided the Rona. And then we had a party and had some people over and bam. We got it. I got it. Really bad. Like if I was not vaccinated and boosted I would have been in the hospital on my deathbed because it hit me really bad. And I'm still so you'll hear you'll hear me coughing a little bit but I'm fine. I'm testing negative I'm feeling 1,000% Better than I was but as anybody who's had COVID really bad knows. There's some aspects of it that like hang on, I won't let it go. My - I still have stuff in my lungs. And I'm just like my energy's slowly climbing back up to where I was before but I get tired really easy. 

Kristin Wood  
Well, you can take a nap after we record.

Ralph Andracchio  
I mean I may take a nap during. I'll just let you - as you usually do. I'll let you carry the conversation. I'm just here for Comic Relief. No, so if you hear some random slurping or coughing it's just me being unprofessional.

Kristin Wood  
Please. Yeah. Pardon us we're not perfect. That was on purpose.

Ralph Andracchio  
I did that on purpose. How have you been over our long hiatus? Anything new?

Kristin Wood  
No, I don't think so. I'm just it's cold and everyone knows I don't like the cold. So I am already had the long big parka coat out that goes to my ankles. People like it's too early. I'm like no, it's not when I wore it. I was perfectly fine.

Ralph Andracchio  
I want to get I bought Dan from one of one of the Christmas I bought him a house coat. Not not like. No, it's great. It's not like a house coat house coat is like a very thin it looks like a Jedi robe and that's why I bought it because it's in the Star Wars. But he's like loves it where all the time. It's super. I've wore it once or twice. It's super comfortable. It's thin so you think it wouldn't be comfortable and it's like super cozy and warm. And now I want to buy one for myself. Because I don't have anything like that. 

Kristin Wood  
That sounds really nice. 

Ralph Andracchio  
It's wonderful. Like I'm at the point now I haven't gotten one before I'm like I don't wanna wear a house coat. I'm young I'm I'm impenetrable. I'm, I'm I'm going to live forever. I don't need to be warm. And now I'm like I've gotten to the age where I'm like, give me anything to wear I will wear Yes. Give me something warm. I'll crawl into a warm pile of blankets.

Kristin Wood  
Oh I did it my birthday since we last recorded. 

Ralph Andracchio  
Oh, that's right. 

Kristin Wood  
I mean, I dunno how excited we are about it. But yeah.

Ralph Andracchio  
Are you excited?

Kristin Wood  
I mean, I tried to be excited about it. And then I was like, okay, 

Ralph Andracchio  
You've made another year around the sun. 

Kristin Wood  
I made it another year. Yup. So that happened.

Ralph Andracchio  
Mine's coming up in December, 

Kristin Wood  
December what? 

Ralph Andracchio  
December 8. The if you're Catholic, that's you knew that to be the Feast of the Immaculate Conception. Not Jesus's conception. Popular misconception. Not Jesus conception, Mary's conception. 

Kristin Wood  
I didn't even know that and I went to 12 years of Catholic school.

Ralph Andracchio  
Yup. It's not about Jesus. 

Kristin Wood  
Wait, Mary was an immaculate conception too? 

Ralph Andracchio  
Mary was immacualtely conceived. It's weird. I don't go to church anymore. And you know why? That's part of the reason because I had to go to church on my birthday. Every year and I hated it. Not doing it anymore.

Kristin Wood  
That's a fun fact.

Ralph Andracchio  
So fun facts, whoever if you're tuning in today, you're learning a lot about a lot of stuff. 

Kristin Wood  
There's important things going on. There's a lot of festive pillows. I mean, there's a lot going on.

Ralph Andracchio  
We haven't even gotten to our main topic yet. We're just shooting the shit 

Kristin Wood  
I'm gonna let you fire in on that one. I come up with the corniest lines that I pull out of my behind and that was one of them. 

Ralph Andracchio  
Fire into that one. I've never heard that before.  

Kristin Wood  
There's so much laughing in this you'd think they think we have alcohol in here. 

Ralph Andracchio  
No sirie bub. Oh my god. Alright, so let me fire into this one. 

Kristin Wood  
I hope someone else out there is having a laugh. 

Ralph Andracchio  
I hope so. So this week, if you are in the US of A or know of the US of A we are gearing up for our election season. It is election season. Now. This is a midterm. So it's between it's halfway between or presidential elections. And I was thinking we talked a little bit about we started recording but I was thinking and watching the news more than I should and I know we've talked about this before I know I need to watch something else. I make it a habit to try to change the channel. So I don't get a lot of news. But I'm noticing I'll keep it general. We may get into specifics but I'm noticing a lot of people on one particular side of the aisle will in spite of themselves and what's in their best interest to attach themselves to a candidate who is not really the best for them or for a lot of people. And it got me thinking about I'm curious about why people do that. Why do people attach themselves to other people who are not good for them? Do not have their best interests at heart. But, you know, they're still doing it and I know in a political sense. It has to do with power, you know, getting your party into power so you can pass the laws that you want. Whether they're good or bad for people who knows. But I think there's a lot of connections between from that to personal relationships, and you know, maybe associating yourself with people who maybe aren't the best for you getting into romantic relationships that maybe aren't the best for you, you know, keeping in touch with family members who may not be and so it got me thinking I'm just curious about why we do that, like in a general sense, and maybe in a more specific sense of, you know, what do you think about that?

Kristin Wood  
Yeah, thinking I I'm trying to like relate to make it the same for political and personal or business or family. I think that people I think the people's identity is sometimes part of their their political belief like it's oh sure identity. And so, in order if they were to balk or disagree or go against specific things, then that mean might mean giving themselves their identity up, or having to question or look at their own identity in relation to that party. If that makes sense.

Ralph Andracchio  
Yeah, I Yes, I mean, I can I full disclosure, I mean, I'm I'm a Democrat. Vote blue, big D, little D. I just wanted to throw that out there

Kristin Wood  
That was like run whatever I said.

Ralph Andracchio  
Run DMC. But I consider myself a Democrat, because they, they're what they're fighting for, most closely aligns with my beliefs. But there wasn't I don't do that blindly. There was a time where I switched to independent because the Democrats were pissing me off and they weren't doing what I wanted. And I changed my affiliation and I voted independent a couple of cycles because I'm not attached to like, like you were saying, it becomes your identity. I don't think a part I don't a part of your identity, and I don't, I don't think and again just being very specific to American politics. I don't think I know anybody who's like being a Democrat is their identity or part of their identity. I think it's more they always talk about like, I want to help people. I want to pass laws that you know, help people who are food insecure or, you know, housing insecure, or women's rights, health care, you know, LGBTQ rights, like they're more about the issues of like, let's try to help people and like do this right. And then there are people who on the other side of the aisle who are very much like the first thing they say is I'm conservative. I'm a Republican. We are a conservative Christian nation. We're not it wasn't founded on Christianity.

Kristin Wood  
I got a thought, and I got excited. Yeah. But what's interesting is I don't just say I'm a Democrat, I'm liberal and that is bad as part of my that is part of my identity. So it's just like, jumped out at me. So I think it depends. And of course, I think it's great to be liberal and everyone that's conservative thinks it's great to be conservative. Yeah, so that is kind of a part of who I am because it's it shaped so much my values, my beliefs, my all that stuff.

Ralph Andracchio  
I think for me if there was an I can never see this happening, but if by some weird chance in the multiverse, there was a Republican candidate who spoke to my beliefs and was like, I'm, you know, I'm gonna get these laws passed to help people. I wouldn't have any qualms about voting for them. Really, yeah. Interesting. But that's probably no that's interesting. I think that fits into what we're talking about in terms of like why you attach to the people and the and the groups that you attach to like, what are you getting out of it? And I think, in a political sense, its power. You know, the on the right in this country right now, a lot of it is just like, let's just get our person elected so we can get in power, and then do stuff, no matter if it comes out like they're not good person or their values really don't align with us. We're still going to get behind this person because that's our guy and we need to we need to have one more body. You know,

Kristin Wood  
I don't know I think of it and this is probably not fair. So please, if you're Republican or whatever, don't please don't write me a hate email. I just think that it's insecurity in me. It's insecurity mean to me. That you can't stick by your values, beliefs. What's another word that I need to put in there? Values, beliefs, then there's something else.

Ralph Andracchio  
Giraffe,

Kristin Wood  
Yes then giraffe. And then I feel like you have an insecurity within yourself of like what you think and what you believe and you're looking to somebody else to tell you like, almost I don't know, I'm not making sense. I'm trying to get my point across. Whenever I feel like somebody. This is my whole thing. I think that when people are very defensive and I'm not saying all Republicans are Democrats, anyone right now just speaking in general, if people are very defensive, need to argue their point and and shove and shove it down your throat to me I see insecure, because I see someone who is secure in their beliefs, their values in giraffe to just tuning in, you need to start with somebody that's really secure with what they believe and thing doesn't feel which I feel I'm not trying to add harm, but I think that's me because I won't engage in any of that. I want nothing to do with it. I don't need to I don't need to prove my point. I don't need to bring you to the other side. In fact, I do the opposite. When people try to challenge me and I just shut down I won't do it. Like I'm not I'm not it's a waste. of energy. It's only going to get me mad, you mad. We're not gonna get anywhere at the end of it. So I feel like people that feel like they have to do that with anything. I feel that way about religion too. If you feel like you have to go around, telling everybody and shoving it down their throat and and being aggressive when people don't agree with you that says insecure to me. And why do you need that if you feel so sure why is that just not fine in and of itself?

Ralph Andracchio  
And I think that's that's a good point to reiterate is like I don't I don't think either of us have a problem with people just because of how they vote or their religious beliefs. Not at all. I mean, please vote however you want.

Kristin Wood  
My whole family votes Republican.

Ralph Andracchio  
My parents are devout Catholics. Yeah, like, I get all that. I have no problem with that. It's I think when you take it to the level of like, that's your whole personality, and you need to pick fights with people and like, get your point across. It's like, there's no need to do that.

Kristin Wood  
Yeah, I mean, I'm not saying it's right. It's my theory with my therapist hat on about it. People are defensive when they are insecure about something or they're not sure. Yeah, we feel like we have to prove something or defend. When usually when we're feeling insecure, if you think of just an argument between two people, when someone's feeling attacked, and they have to defend themselves or prove themselves or if somebody often when they're trying to try to say when they're trying to prove that they're right, they're going to become very defensive. I don't know. I just think that when you are sure about something, you're not defensive about it, period, I just when you're certain and you're confident, there shouldn't be any defensiveness about it.

Ralph Andracchio  
How much do you think fear plays into this as well? Yeah. Because I can see that with especially in the, in the political realm. I see that you know, there's a lot of stuff happening all over the world Italy, just elected a fascist person to run the country. Great. Wow, it's the 30s all over again on some but I think a lot of it is fear, because if you listen to the rhetoric, a lot of it is this nebulous others. Like coming to take your jobs and groom your kids and you know, steal your wife and you know, steal your car and it's, it's a lot of nonsense that's just made. You know, people are much more malleable and willing to go along with you if they're if they're afraid or something, you know, so that's what and but you know, both sides are are guilty of this as well. I'm not picking out anybody in particular. But I think that for me is a big reason when I hear people talking about stuff and they're getting so worked up about it and so like you can see their insecurities, but also I think a lot of it is like, I'm afraid of this thing. So I'm going to be very vocal and outspoken about how we can you know, stop it from happening, even if it's never going to happen anyway. Yep. So then kind of making connections now from the political realm. Because I see parallels of that with people in their individual lives to you know, just like people will latch on to a candidate that maybe is against everything that you would like to happen in your life, but you're going to vote for them anyway, because it's the power thing of like, I need our team to win. You know, there's parallels of that to personal relationships, like family romantic relationships work. You know, I think people stay in these weird relationships for for different reasons. And I'm always curious about why and especially when it's very obvious to other people, like what are you doing? You know, Have you have you ever worked with people like that? 

Kristin Wood  
Oh, yeah. 

Ralph Andracchio  
I know you can't say specifics but... 

Kristin Wood  
No, I'm just I'm thinking of so many things, my brains kind of firing in all different. Okay, let me get into personal relationships. I think that people are, I think there's two things if we think of like a controlling or we go so far as abusive relationship. Obviously in an abusive relationship that person presents is perfect and the beginning you know, they present is absolutely charming and wonderful and and everything else, and then they start to, you know, show their show their true colors. And I think that the way that those individuals keep the other person in that relationship is by gaining the power over them. Not everyone that gets involved in an abusive relationship or toxic unhealthy relationship went into specifically abusive I'll speak up when name with a low self esteem. That's a myth. That, really Yeah, that's actually a myth. The dynamic within the relationship if the person the abuser, often are skilled at breaking it all down. They know exactly how to break that person down. And when they do, that person has all the control and the other individual is left feeling like they have no self worth no power, no control, and they can't get out and oftentimes in an abusive relationship, the abuser will convince through that whole process. This person that they will never get somebody like them they're not good enough. So it's like a brainwashing effect of you can't do any better than me. You will have no one if you don't have if you don't have me, and through the process through the time spent with this person. They help them with the charm and they get that person to feel and care maybe love. And so that's there that's strong, and then start to chip away at them. And that can, you know, often happen quickly and subtly and people don't even know what's happening sometimes until it already has. So I think that's that's part of that. I think if we step away from abusive and just like toxic or codependent or unhealthy, it's often goes back to everything I say every time, your relationship with yourself. Period, I actually was just watching Tik Tok video before Raph King and the guy said something you know what he's talking about? Like? Like standards like you're going to allow people into your life based on your own standards and what you will allow yourself and you know, we often repeat what we saw as children. She was just having this conversation with someone today. And what we did not get from our parents, we tried to get in our partner oftentimes. And so somebody that's why you see somebody pick. They had a very emotionally unavailable parent. They picked an emotionally unavailable man. Oh, am I too deep? You're no I love it. My saplings No, like they say, emotionally unavailable partner and like how the hell this happened, right? And it's because it's also conscious. The person's trying to get their their needs met. Like if I can get this person to love me and to be there for me then they're sort of almost trying to eat heal their inner child through that relationship. But all in all, what's happening there is a lot of damage to their self worth and not feeling good enough. And that's why I think people tolerate, overlook and accept behavior that's not acceptable and way below what they deserve.

Ralph Andracchio  
Wow, you're dropping truth bombs left and right.

Kristin Wood  
Did I just... TikTok helped me prep. 

Ralph Andracchio  
Wow. But everyone 

Kristin Wood  
I don't know if I'm on topic tonight. I definitely went on a 

Ralph Andracchio  
No, I think you are and I think I see parallels between everything we're talking about in terms of like, first of all, I thought that and like if somebody was very self confident, they wouldn't fall for a narcissistic person like that. But you just blew that out of the water because anybody can do that. But then also, I'm seeing a lot of parallels between we'll be talking about political, religious, family stuff relationships in terms of like, I know how to, I have what you need. The only way to be cool, be empowered, be respected, you know, have everything you want to be anybody is to come with me and if I am the only way and if you're not with me, you're gonna be 

Kristin Wood  
Yeah like cults and stuff like that. 

Ralph Andracchio  
Right.

Kristin Wood  
I want to go back for one second. I do want to say about the abusive relationships, that often people that have like people that have very low self esteem that have grown up in abuse are attracted to they don't know it, but they're they choose partners that are abusive, and then when the warning signs start to go off, they don't see them because they grew up with that that's familiar. And then for some where it's really extreme or self worth, as you know, in the gutter, they they equate the abuse control for love. So there is there is that too I just want to make sure that I'm saying it all.

Ralph Andracchio  
Yeah, it it fascinates me why how people can do that. Yeah, you think I think looking at it from the outside, I think it's easy for us to say, Oh, I would have noticed that the second it started to hell and I would. It's so easy to you know, armchair quarterback, you know, when you're not in it to say, Oh, I could have seen that coming a mile away. No, probably not.

Kristin Wood  
No. And the interesting part about it is that the abusers are so insecure themselves. That's what that's what's that's what's bananas about it is they the reason they need to exert the power and control the person is because they don't feel like they're good enough.

Ralph Andracchio  
So it's like a power vacuum. The people who are in that place of authority are the ones that are like, oh, you can't be anything without me. They get their power from taking it from somebody else. 

Kristin Wood  
Exactly. It's like if you were not if you were secure with yourself, if you were secure with the relationship, why would you need to control somebody? Right? Why would you need to control them and beat them up every time they do something you don't like? That's how you learn to keep them because you really don't think you're enough and that you can get anybody else. It's like a whole psychological s show

Ralph Andracchio  
How much of it is there's also a side to it, I think of especially with with men. I am owed this I deserve this kind of thing. Like in terms of of well in terms of anything really political jobs relationships. I there's there's this very pervasive undercurrent I see of you know what how could you How could you not want me You know, I deserve you I am owed this job. I am owed this woman I am owed this life kind of thing.

Kristin Wood  
That's either a narcissist or it's complete bull. And it's it's an arrogance fraud with an insecure person inside.

Ralph Andracchio  
Throwing big words at me.

Kristin Wood  
I meant to say like an arrogance like costume like like they're hiding behind that puff themselves up so it could be either there are people that truly believe that that are you know, I don't like to throw the word narcissist around because everybody does. And there's a diagnostic criteria for true narcissist but I think somebody that is truly a narcissist and everything's about them could could present that way. And I think that's somebody that's highly insecure but works real hard to put on an arrogant arrogant, arrogant

Ralph Andracchio  
Facade? Air? Giraffe? Arrogant giraffes are the worst.

Kristin Wood  
I think a lot of times that that it's, it's just bowl like underneath and I you know, I It's major. I can't I can't be it's very difficult to work with people like that, because very hard to get them to put that down. Because once they put that down to this big, you know,

Ralph Andracchio  
yeah. And that brings me back to where we started with the political the political aspect of it. It's fun to look at the different candidates when when the season comes around, and I can tell immediately sometimes like, Oh, you're not gonna, you're not gonna win. I'm sorry. You're You're precious. Like they seem like really wonderful people, but it's like I think we've trained ourselves as a society like, we look for people in command or in leadership positions, or where we elect people we look for. I think we look for some of those, those toxic traits that you're talking about, like the narcissism the bloviating, like the big ego, we think like, oh, they're gonna be a great leader, look at them. Like that's entertaining, not necessarily because we just went through for years with a president who was very empty, like he had all that stuff and like, Oh, I know him from TV. I'm gonna vote for him. Great. You know? It, not not great. And so there are some people who are running for office and I look at them and I'm like, you stand for the right stuff and I would vote for you in a heartbeat but

Kristin Wood  
you know, that will happen a lot. They're just kind of more of a regular person that's probably would be the best leader because there's no BS around it or show they just are and they're not gonna Yeah, I could think of some right now. Like, they're just not going to get there.

Ralph Andracchio  
It's, I wonder how much of it is an evolutionary thing to like? We have we evolved to push down our, like what's best for us in the long term for short term gains, and success.

Kristin Wood  
I think I don't know I took this class. In college, and I've never forgotten stuff so long. And I don't remember all the ins and outs. I just remember I really liked it and found it fascinating. And it was like the psychology of politics. That's fine. But it was something like that. And it was so maybe people know this. I don't know. I find it so interesting. It was basically studying what were the reasons and the things as to why people would vote or choose a candidate. And okay, so maybe they stay in their party and all that. I don't want to get too wild with it. But it was dumb. stuff. It was appearance. It was dress. It was like charisma, of course, it was all these things that you would like I was blown away at the time. Like what like this is the main things that people pay attention to that actually is what determines who they choose to vote for. And I was just like, oh my gosh, and and they were talking about who's the This is terrible. The president that was in a wheelchair so 

Ralph Andracchio  
Oh FDR 

Kristin Wood  
FDR. FDR would never have gotten elected. Once TV was around.

Ralph Andracchio  
well he also hid that really well. Like and all the pictures you see of him and all the news footage and everything. They they made a point to like...

Kristin Wood  
Right but you couldn't do that today. 

Ralph Andracchio  
Of course not. 

Kristin Wood  
I'm not I can't predict or know whether or not he would have been elected. But my guess is no.

Ralph Andracchio  
Well, I mean, the governor of Texas... Abbott is a wheelchair user.

Kristin Wood  
But that's today, right? Today. It's it's changing, but like, you know, 1980s I'll just give it like, that stuff is more powerful than we think is I don't have the statistics. This was more than 20 years ago that I'm talking about right now. Yeah, so I just found that really interesting. But yet, it was disturbing and I'm like, yeah but

Ralph Andracchio  
Well it makes me think of in my coach training. I took a class where we talked about procrastination and how it's not. Procrastination isn't a time management issue. It's an emotion management issue. Because when we procrastinate, we're not it's not about like the time we're spending on stuff. It's us protecting ourselves in the short term from some emotional thing for like a long term instead of like long term benefit, like yes, I really need to do my laundry because I don't have any clothes but I don't want to because then I have to get up and it's like you're protecting yourself and not from the time it's like the emotional lift of doing like getting up and doing laundry. But then when we do it, it's like oh, okay, this is nothing I can like, let me get this done. So it's Mary with what you just said. It's like, we have this humans are really dumb. Animals. If you think about it, like we always we, we we exchange our long term happiness for like short term gain a lot of times because we can't, it's easier to see the short term successes than it is like the long term successes because the long term they're not sexy. No long term goals are not sexy. You know, they're not immediate like we're very much like give me the that hit of you know dopamine now. Serotonin. What is that?

Kristin Wood  
Oh don't ask me. No, they both sound great.

Ralph Andracchio  
Epinephrine? Laura Efron? Enron? No, that's the company that went out of business. I don't know. Well, we could keep going forever. But no. So maybe a lot of this too is like that short term versus long term view of our lives. The world like the benefits were always we were much more apt to trade in our long term success for a short term win. And it doesn't necessarily work out in our favor all the time.

Kristin Wood  
No with procrastinating too... side note here like outside of laundry I don't know that might be but of course coming to like a project schoolwork, those kinds of things. It's often best to do and they're really nervous about doing it. They're unsure how to do it, they're worried about doing it wrong. Bla bla bla bla bla, they may not understand it. That's often when people procrastinate, and it has and then what's bad about procrastinate on attention is that often it gets that word I don't like lazy people calling themselves lazy or other people calling them lazy and it ends up being a lot of self criticism, self punishment around it. When in fact, like you said, What you said is exactly kind of what I'm saying to you. It's about an emotion of fear of blah, blah, blah. That is is tough to deal with. And by just avoiding it, we can kind of like push it to the side.

Ralph Andracchio  
Yeah, there's fear again popping up. Fear's poppin' up.

Kristin Wood  
We hadn't sung today

Ralph Andracchio  
We're gonna get an acapella group together. Hey Let Me Sing You Something. Look for us in the seedier dives in your town. We will be doing a tour 

Kristin Wood  
Yeah, like you yell out the song. I'll start singing. 

Ralph Andracchio  
Oh, it's like karaoke almost. Jukebox? Live jukebox? Yeah. There's a great group. Postmodern Jukebox. And they do old songs in like, the style of like, 1930's 

Kristin Wood  
Oh that's fun. I love that. 

Ralph Andracchio  
Look up Postmodern Jukebox. 

Kristin Wood  
Do they play local, or 

Ralph Andracchio  
No, no, they're like famous. But they but they do like they'll do Guns and Roses or like, Pat Benatar. but it's like very much in the style of...

Kristin Wood  
And they tour and stuff. That's fun. That will be a lot of fun.

Ralph Andracchio  
I like I like when bands do that because it's a nice oh, I know this song. Oh, it's a different. 

Kristin Wood  
We should wear like 1930s outfits and go see them. 

Ralph Andracchio  
Yeah. 1930's. Well, 1930s outfits are very... But it's very, it's very confining, ya know, especially for, especially for I think the 30s is when women started to wear getting rid of like a lot of the confining stuff that they would wear

Kristin Wood  
but it would probably still feel super confining. today.

Ralph Andracchio  
Well if you dress like a flapper. 

Kristin Wood  
I love a flapper. I was a flapper for Halloween. 

Ralph Andracchio  
Guys though,

Kristin Wood  
I'm glad we figured out my outfit for the concert

Ralph Andracchio  
Right? Guys had to wear the shirt and a tie and the best and the overcoat and the pants and the suspenders and the things that keep your socks up and your shirt down and, man there's a lot hiding under there. 

Kristin Wood  
I don't want to know about it, 

Ralph Andracchio  
Right? Yeesh anyway

Kristin Wood  
I don't know what you call this episode, but it was a lot of fun on my end. I'm having a good time. I hope everybody else is having a good time.

Ralph Andracchio  
No, getting back to hitching your wagon to the wrong star, I think is what this... 

Kristin Wood  
Wow, look at that. 

Ralph Andracchio  
This episode is about... 

Kristin Wood  
Is that what you're gonna call it? Don't do that. No one will know what you're talking about. 

Ralph Andracchio  
Yeah, no, I'll think of something else. But if we all do it at different points, whether in a political sense, romantic relationships, family, work in a staying in a job, whatever it is. I think there's aspects of this everywhere. But I think what something you said I think is really important have a gonna happen to anybody. If you feel like oh, I wouldn't ever happen to me. I would never attach myself to somebody who you know thinks like that or works like that. Can happen happen to anybody? And sometimes it's it's really hard to get out of it. And I keep going back to the political side of it, because, like we were saying, it's such a big part of some people's identity like and if they don't have that, and if they want to change it. It's not just them, it's their family, their friends, their child might be a reset of their values their Yeah, or their worldview. It's like a lot of things are attached to it. And when that all starts to crumble, that's that's bad news. Because it puts people in a very vulnerable state Yeah. Know I want to leave people with with something like a quote or like something happens to the all of us. Again, I think the more you talk about it, it's like that old quote 

Kristin Wood  
Stay golden, pony boy. 

Ralph Andracchio  
What? Stay golden pony boy? Is that from something? 

Kristin Wood  
The Outsiders! Oh my god, I was so proud of that you missed it. 

Ralph Andracchio  
I don't remember. Stay golden pony boy. 

Kristin Wood  
It's like stay true. Oh my God, You can't laugh at me on this one because that was good. You just missed it. And I can't say age because you're almost the same age as me. All right. Me and Ralph need to sit down and watch The Outsiders.

Ralph Andracchio  
We're gonna have a talk after this.

Kristin Wood  
And any of you who don't know what it is... go watch it. It's a fantastic movie. 

Ralph Andracchio  
Sorry, everybody. I dropped the ball on that one. Yes, stay golden pony boy. Stay pony golden boy. 

Kristin Wood  
I'm gonna find the meme and send it to you later.

Ralph Andracchio  
Stay boy golden pony. I like that one better. 

Kristin Wood  
Alright. We're done. Thank you. If you've gotten to this point thank you. 

Ralph Andracchio  
If you've gotten to this point. This is just This is a lot. 

Kristin Wood  
No I think we covered some really serious stuff but we laughed a lot. And that's the best combo I think.

Ralph Andracchio  
Okay, yeah. The unexamined life is not worth living is what I wanted to say. That's, that's a good quote. That's my name now. Hey Let Me Ask You Something with Kristin and Ponyboy. 

Kristin Wood  
I hope to laugh this much next week. I'm having a good time. 

Ralph Andracchio  
Maybe. We have guests coming up. We have a lot of things hapening. We have a lot of guests coming up. We're gonna keep it under wraps. But yeah, ask why. I think that's that's a good first step for a lot of things. If you feel like you're in something and doesn't feel like feel right. Like why am I here? Why do I believe this? why am I here? Why am I doing this? Why do I keep hanging out with this person? And be open to any answer that you get. I think too, you know, it's there's never it's never too late to change. It's never too late to change your political affiliation. Your job, your you know your relationship. It's yeah, you gotta sometimes you got to stand up for yourself and do what's best for you. Trying to help. 

Kristin Wood  
I'm sorry. I got the giggles like I'm 12 years old. You know what it's kind of really fun. 

Ralph Andracchio  
All right. I think we've said yeah, we've said everything we need to say Welcome back everybody to season five we're gonna have a lot of fun this season. You know, I'm not going to check the box anymore. We curse, we curse.

Kristin Wood  
Oh, watch out.

Ralph Andracchio  
I think we've we've built up enough 

Kristin Wood  
My clients already know, so I'm not going to hold back. That I am a cursasaurus rex over here.

Ralph Andracchio  
I think we built up enough of a fan base that they'll be okay. Well, we can if one slips by it's fine. If a couple slip by. Alright everybody, thank you very much for listening. We'll see you next week. Same bat time, same bat channel. Bye

Transcribed by https://otter.ai