Hey! Let's Ask Betty J Smithsonian - S05E02

Our guest for this week’s show is award winning comic, creator, performer, entertainer and producer Betty J Smithsonian talking to us about comedy, clowning, ego, connection, embracing failure, and how much  being present in the moment can help you find joy.

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DISCALIMER:
The views expressed on the Hey Let Me Ask You Something Podcast are solely the opinions of your hosts Kristin Wood and Ralph Andracchio and are based on their years of practical and clinical experience. These opinions do not constitute any kind of advice, diagnosis, or treatment of any mental, physical, or emotional issues. If you are having an emergency or any serious ongoing situations please contact your local hospital or a trusted professional.

Transcript

The Hey Let Me Ask You Something Podcast
Season 05
Episode 02
Hey! Let's Ask Betty J Smithsonian

[MUSIC INTRO PLAYS]

Ralph Andracchio  
Time to get curious. It's the Hey Let Me Ask You Something podcast, the show dedicated to inspiring more people to ask more questions and have more interesting conversations. Our guest for this week's show is award winning comic creator, performer, entertainer and producer Betty J. Smithsonian, talking to us about comedy cloning, ego connection, embracing failure, and how much being present in the moment can help you find joy.

Betty Smithsonian  
The whole point of the physical comedy experience is to share a thing that brings me joy, but it will only continue to bring me joy if I can share that with you. That's the whole point of it. A sharing of joy. That is limitless and authentic. 

Kristin Wood  
It's like a humaneness about it. Like being... I don't think humanness is a word but like, you're really I'm just a human being. And I made a mistake here and everybody can relate to that.

Ralph Andracchio  
That's something everybody could benefit from of not just being an observer being connected to each other calling stuff out saying well, we're in a really awkward pause in this conversation. Where's that coming from? 

Betty Smithsonian  
And I think I think it's constantly admitting, if your ego comes up. We can't be ego less, right? We can't be completely altruistic. If if, if that were true, we would all die of starvation because we would forget to eat 

Ralph Andracchio  
The best way for you to help us inspire more conversations and easily find more of our great episodes is to hit that subscribe button and share this show with your friends. And check us out on YouTube if you want to see us as well as hear us. And remember, we love that you're listening but the show is for entertainment and we are not your therapist or your coach. We are not providing professional advice either from us or our guests. Give the full disclaimer in the show notes. So once over for more info on that. All right, my friends. Let's start this conversation

Kristin? 

Kristin Wood  
Ralph

Ralph Andracchio  
You've had a busy day today.

Kristin Wood  
Yes, solving all the world's problems.

Ralph Andracchio  
You are you've been on Zoom since one wait no before that right. Eight o'clock.

Kristin Wood  
No. 1:30 

Ralph Andracchio  
Oh, 1:30 till till till now 5:45

Kristin Wood  
I always think I want a break when I have something else like after like a you know, but I just don't I rather just keep going is what ends up happening, which is why I scheduled all my clients like in a row because the break almost is like annoying. I'm like I just want to get through everything I have to do for the day. So you know, somewhere.

Ralph Andracchio  
I'm glad we could tack on this one more useless thing to your day.

Kristin Wood  
I don't mean useless just like I'm in work mode and then I want to be out and oh like I want to get into something else. It's not work and then have to play better so how I operate I kind of like to just workload not work good.

Ralph Andracchio  
Yeah, cuz if you take a break it it busts your your groove

Kristin Wood  
This does not feel like hard work to me this is fun.

Ralph Andracchio  
Oh, good. I'm glad 

Kristin Wood  
Seeing your face is always fun Ralph even though we're not in the same room together. I still feel the connection.

Ralph Andracchio  
Yeah, we're we're on Zoom today because Kristen, the diligent therapist that she is had clients up until a few minutes ago.

Kristin Wood  
And I will next week too which we could talk about. 

Ralph Andracchio  
Man. All right. 

Kristin Wood  
Yeah, I'm trying to work that out, but it's not really working. So

Ralph Andracchio  
How can I become one of your clients so that way we can just record it and make it into an episode?

Kristin Wood  
Yeah, no, we can't do that. Against the rules. That would be a rule violation a big one.

Ralph Andracchio  
I am a terrible client as well.

Kristin Wood  
I can refer you out though Ralph if that was your call for help.

Ralph Andracchio  
No, I if I if I call out for help, you'll know it'll it'll. It'll sound like somebody's screaming for help. 

Kristin Wood  
Okay. 

Ralph Andracchio  
So we have a guest today. I'm very excited about it. 

Kristin Wood  
We are excited. 

Ralph Andracchio  
She is a God amongst men. love her so much. So our guest for today is a comic. A creator, a performer and entertainer. Award winning goofball. All of the above. She's onstage regularly at Punchline in Philly and throughout the Philadelphia area. She was voted best of Philly up and coming comedian in 2019. So she had the title of Best up and coming comedian for a little while for a year. till somebody dethroned her. She also cast member of The N Crowd and award winning short form improv comedy show here in Philly. And she is the co founder of the insanely successful Free Fringe Philly. And one more thing we co host the uber popular and deeply loved panel comedy show Porn Stash ran for four years here in Philly. It's going to be making a comeback soon. Please help me welcome the completely unfunny and totally talentless Betty J. Smithsonian is here. Wow. 

Betty Smithsonian  
Hi, Ralph. 

Ralph Andracchio  
I don't think that intro did you justice.

Betty Smithsonian  
Sounds like you edited that down a bit.

Ralph Andracchio  
There's a lot of extraneous stuff in there. That I don't think was true, but you know, 

I was gonna say Kristin Nice to meet you too.

Kristin Wood  
Nice to meet you Betty. I'm excited all the that that introduction with God I feel like I should just maybe get off screen and let you you because I'm fairly small.

Ralph Andracchio  
No, no, no, you were a valuable piece. Of this comedy. Machinery.

Kristin Wood  
I did have some an Uber driver just this week. asked me if I did comedy. She said I was so funny. And I was like I dunno if I'm that funny. A little funny. Put me on a stage might not be so funny.

Ralph Andracchio  
I would love to see you do a tight five about some of your clients. So Betty, thank you for being a guest today.

Betty Smithsonian  
I'm glad to be here. I was just gonna say I really liked just watching Kristin hear my bio.

Ralph Andracchio  
It is impressive. You are I don't I don't say this lightly. I think you are one of the most hard working entertainers in the city.

Betty Smithsonian  
Ah, wow. Thank you for calling me an entertainer.

Ralph Andracchio  
Well sure. There were air quotes in there. I should have said.

Betty Smithsonian  
Yeah. Thank you. I feel I feel like I'm really strongly connected to being a person in the city. So whatever you can add to that. Like you're one of the women in the city like yeah,

Ralph Andracchio  
that is a true statement.

Betty Smithsonian  
You are a person that has a vehicle in the city.

Kristin Wood  
Wow. Yeah, yes.

Ralph Andracchio  
Some people cannot say that.

Betty Smithsonian  
I am in the top 91% 

Ralph Andracchio  
You are in the zone. And having worked with you for so long. I'm seeing you perform and hang out with you and just generally loved you from afar and up close. You are also somebody who is people may not know this an actual trained clown. Yes. Yes. Can you say a little bit about that in English,

Betty Smithsonian  
Oh, yeah. Well, I can say that initially in this area, specific in in a in a more improv and stand up spaces. When I use the word clown. There's not a very good response because people typically think birthday clown or they think, you know, white face kind of, you know, creepy clown or that kind of Ronald McDonald stuff. Which I would love if I was talented enough to pull that bullshit. But I talking in circles like if I was in LA and I was like I do clown people were like, Yeah, that's it. That's the thing. Clown is just a I'm trained in physical comedy where there is no fourth wall and the entire goal is to please the audience and make them happy and connect with them. And if you don't do that, you and you fail it that you must admit that to them. And, and that was that real vulnerability in and it is somewhat parts of it are improv some parts of it or stand up or crowd work but all of that is limited. There's so many limits. Clown is something that is limit less. You know if people are like Oh, I love improv and I love doing this and like so I think that's like some people's alcohol or some people's weed. And clown for me is like heroin and crack with non stop cocaine. Coming in and you're just like, wow, I it just so much joy and pleasure and the experience of that. Having to be shared, having to be shared there is no inside joke. In clown there was no highbrow looking down without being seen. The whole point of this of the physical comedy experience is to share a thing that brings me joy, but it will only continue to bring me joy if I can share that with you. That's the whole point of it. So if I fail at sharing it or if I come at it with some cleverness or some inauthenticity, the crowd will do a thing that makes all performers and comedians. Burn inside the crowd will do this. There'll be silent and the performer the clown has to be blown into pieces when that happens. And I think a stand up and an improviser, obviously is likely very much disconnected. They ask for a suggestion and then they say okay, I'll talk to you guys in 40 minutes after the show. Where a stand up we'll do a joke and sometimes they're like oh, why you guys don't get that? You know? So I think there's, if I were gonna really explain it and be able to share what the clown is that I'm trained in is a sharing of joy that is limitless. And authentic. scuze me, amen. Amen. Amen. How many rows must listen, buddy, you know the word. I don't know. My favorite thing to do is to start singing a made up song and then say you know the words coming in and then he killed 6 million Jews you know this one? Come on. MDN protest stole your one will love that chicken sandwich ate all special. Come on. Do you know Okay, let's famous chicken sandwich everybody.

Ralph Andracchio  
Oh boy that's gonna go overwhelm overseas. listening to you talk. It's it sounds like there isn't. There isn't an ego involved? I think yeah. When you perform it's very much ego list of I'm here I'm a person. I want to connect with all these people in front of me and we're going to share this experience and I'm I'm very much at the not at the whim of but I'm like a conduit for and I'm noticing anything and everything that's in front of me and kind of responding to it. Yeah, okay.

Betty Smithsonian  
I think I think it's constantly admitting if your ego comes up, because I can't be ego less, right? We can't be completely altruistic. If if if that were true, we would all die of starvation because we would forget to eat only be focused on feeding others. Do I'm what I'm curious about is this because I think the thing that brings me the most joy is acknowledging failure. So when you you've seen answering this question, the both of you. Have you seen a stand up comic? Get on stage and do a joke and with it just bomb? Have you seen that?

Kristin Wood  
Oh, no, I don't think so.

Betty Smithsonian  
You've never seen a comedian fail? Have you only been watching me? Yeah, okay, so for your audience if you if you've ever seen someone get on stage and tell a joke and fail out it likely live comedy right? Because what you're seeing on videos and stuff so Ralph, what does it feel like when you watch someone tell a joke and they whiff it?

Ralph Andracchio  
I feel for them like my my insides turn for them because I've been there. I've been on stage where I said something in the audience either there's no reaction or you hear a groan, and I'm like, Okay, I'm having that moment right now. So I know it because I have felt some aspect of it. But yeah, there's a there's an empathetic thing that kicks in where you're like, oh, man, I feel that for you. 

Kristin Wood  
I have that same response. I'm sorry to cut you off. But as I was thinking that it was like, I know me well enough that yeah, if I see somebody trends up there giving it their best in front of a group of people and in any way they stumble, I immediately want to like make it better if I could,

Betty Smithsonian  
right. So beautiful. So it feels terrible. I feel like suffering. Almost Yeah. So there's something that happens in between the moment of that suffering. And either the comic taking the next step to then move past it and pretend it didn't happen. Or the comic saying that really sucked. Wow, you guys should have thought before I said that one out loud, huh? Right when the comic acknowledges it and there's a moment of shared awareness. The feeling of being tortured by watching this person suffer and you suffering. Not only does it go away it creates laughter. The audience immediately so relieved, that we're now in a moment of truth, that we're laughing, acknowledging the failure brings immediate relief, and what is expressed as joy or laughter and I think if you could, if you could, like, if if we could fix the world, it would be to ingrain that experience and understanding in everyone.

Ralph Andracchio  
Yes, and I love that this came up because that's what we do here is talk about how we connect to each other. And I think a lot of times, I think going to see a show is a great metaphor for life in some way. Because if you're in the audience, you're you kind of have this invisible wall in front of you that fourth wall that we always talk about, of you know, I'm separate from the action. I'm just going to watch, I observe. But then when you're at a show where somebody's as good at what they do as you are like comes into the audience does crowd work acknowledges people, right? calls out those moments of you know, we all feel it. Let's talk about it. I'm gonna acknowledge it. It makes it can make the audience uncomfortable, but it also brings them in to the show and to the moment. So they're not just observing. They're actually a part of it. And I think that, like, if we can expand that into the world at large I think that's something everybody could benefit from of not just being an observer being connected to each other calling stuff out saying, Well, we're having a really awkward pause in this conversation. Where's that coming from? You know, I think it throws people off but it also it brings us closer and and people like that when you can call that not in a mean way but just an observant like, wow, that happened. That was right. You know,

Kristin Wood  
there's like a humaneness about it. Like being - I dunno if humaneness is a word but like you're really I'm just a human being and I, I made a mistake here and everybody can relate to that, especially when you're talking about a performer person with some type of power, you know, whatever you want to call it in in a space. So a performer is a leader, you know, anytime anyone can admit their own. Especially I think when they have this I'm saying power, call it whatever you want. Yeah, I think it really what's the word? Well breaks down that power differential and it really highlights that human factor that we all have no matter what position or role we're in.

Betty Smithsonian  
Yeah, I will say this but as a performer there, the power structure just to add on to this. It's always going to be I'm a little bit higher than them always even if it's an edge and as a performer and as an audience member, you want that you want the person you're not just there on the subway watching the person next to you want there to be a difference because and I've stolen this from a lot of different people but the idea that even the stage is up even an inch and the audience has to book up even an edge to make that clear, like okay, we're here for this thing. This person, if we throw a wrench in and we say wait a second, this person's this person, like that's the idea of cloud, right? Like the idea of cloud was silly as part of cloud is that I don't get to come out on stage until you are here and I live backstage and I was born out of I don't know, a guard someone was watering a garden and they were pouring water and out I came and here I am and my my history doesn't matter. The only thing that matters is you guys showed up and I I'm only here for you. But you're only here for me. And I'm in charge even if I come out with nothing, you know the big idea like ah, I have this great idea. I was going to come out I was going to jump through this hoop of fire and I don't have a hoop and I do not have fire. So here we are, you know, thank you for being here. It's not going to be that you know, and here I am kind of flailing about trying to get the audience to love me while I'm loving them actively. The transference of love is what it is the joy of like, oh my god, I'm so glad you're here. Oh my God, I wish I had something prepared. You're here I have. What can I do? Oh, you know, like, think about a little kid you know, they're the best example of that joy. And that's wonder, you know, they're fascinated by whatever it is and they look at it with like, Oh my God, and they try to show you what God look at this, you know, and trying to capture that wonder and and it only matters if it's shareable. It really really does. So that connection, it's almost like Phil burgers has this really great kind of podcast that I listen to over and over about how we're here together. This experience I'm on stage you're here the audio it's gonna be a lot of hard work for me. If I pretend that you aren't here or that it doesn't matter who you are. Right that disconnects me right when you're talking to somebody and they're, they're on their phone. Really cool. Awesome. I love should I wait you know you're like that teacher who's like I'll wait till you guys stop talking so we can actually fucking be here together. What is one of your pet peeves in conversation when you know when you're trying to connect with somebody and they're not present or they don't seem to be present. 

Kristin Wood  
You just said it. that is a huge pet peeve of mine. First of all, I don't want to be ignored. It triggers me so I'm sorry. I'm moving around. Here. People that are not paying attention, I guess to me or to us in our exchange. When we're talking or when I'm talking. I sound a little selfish right now. I don't mean to but you know, they're looking around. They're looking at the phone they're talking to someone else drives Oh, it drives me insane that I will immediately stuff that happened to me last night. Last night I was talking and then that person started talking to someone else was not listening to me and I got it secretly annoyed and just stop talking.

Ralph Andracchio  
Yeah, yeah, same for me. I think I because I, I show up to a conversation or I tried to be as present and like fully present as I can. Because if we're having a conversation, I want to share ideas. I want to hear what you're saying. I want to you know, yeah, I and I've trained myself over the years of training I have as a coach and as an improv person and all this stuff has trained me to like have that deeper level of listening that that, you know, average people may not have

Betty Smithsonian  
And by average you mean short?

Ralph Andracchio  
Yes. If you're below five, two, I don't want to talk to you.

Betty Smithsonian  
I mean, their ears. are in a different place.

Ralph Andracchio  
If you're if your ears are nipple height on me, we're not what are we connecting with?

Betty Smithsonian  
I mean, unless you get to talk to one special person who's nipples are their ears.

Kristin Wood  
Where are they? I would love to know.

Ralph Andracchio  
Yeah, once while I was driving through Texas. I'll save that for another time. We don't want to hear that. 

Betty Smithsonian  
I love that story. That Texas nipple story. I could hear it every night.

Ralph Andracchio  
It's the same thing I think. I think everybody had shares that pet peeve of like, I'm talking to you and you're not giving me the same courtesy that I'm giving you of like, I want to contact you. I want to listen to what you're saying. And if somebody's checking their phone or their watch, or they're looking around, or you know, okay, maybe we don't do this right now.

Betty Smithsonian  
I'll say even if it's not personal, right? Even if you're on a phone with someone and it's just bad reception, and you're there breaking up and you're like let's go Yeah, Scott, I hate you because your digital digitally having problems with your phone. And that means we disconnect. I'll say like when you're a little baby tiny, tiny little infant baby and your cry, cry, cry cry. If you don't get picked up to get sued. You will fucking die. You will die. Right? So being ignored is actually death. You know, and like on an evolutionary scale, right? Yeah. So I would recommend I see the joy of seeking of joy and sharing joy. It's like earning the right. Right as a performer come to stage like people are there. Maybe some of them are not paying attention. They're on their phones or they're multitasking. I mean, have you watched a show lately? That doesn't fucking make you want to pick up your phone in which case Tell me about your watch. It does. That sounds great. So even just kind of that right like I'm on my toes here. I got it. What am I going to do to earn the right to stay connected with him when it's so easy to disconnect? And I think constantly seeking authenticity, right? Like there's this example where when I, I have stolen bits from everybody, nothing I do is really mine. It's right. I'm just like recreating other people's stuff. But sometimes if I feel like the room is disconnected and they're not paying attention, or there's not great audience, when I get introduced, I will spend two minutes trying to find my way to the stage. Right? I'm in the audience, so I can't go out and then everyone's like, what's going on? I'm like, sweet, I'm getting your attention. And then at least I got a shot when I get up there. You know, then I could do my what's the deal with this thing? Right into Jerry Seinfeld, right and then go like, what's the deal with Jerry Seinfeld? This is out already. But I think that right we're even if we're fighting against that disconnect as a performer. I'm not gonna blame you for being distracted. It's, in a way. It's my fault. If I was better if I was more, you know, my goal is to get you can get you connected. What else is my fucking goal? Right, Chad Damien. He says he's got a great podcast, too. It's called something like Betty is the best I get all my ideas from her.

Ralph Andracchio  
Yeah. Listen to that. Yeah.

Betty Smithsonian  
It's stand up and clown he runs this great show in LA I've stolen it. He he he delves into this art a little bit more. It's, you know, one of the things he says is when you leave stage you better be exhausted. You better be you can be invigorated, but you you have worked for them. My one of my clown mentors or my clown tours, says when I'm on stage and failing, failing failing, and she's like, you know, what are you doing? What are you doing? We we came here for you? We found parking we got a babysitter. We're sitting in this audience waiting for you now know, do the thing, do something. And then I'm like, oh, it's not working. Yeah. I know. We'll try again. Try again. Try harder, like bit the whole point is that don't ever get into this idea where you're like, the audience's really, you know, they were really not great tonight. Like no did you whiffed it? You whiffed it? No seriously, they were all there from like some Republican convention and they didn't like my style. Like he knew they were from the Republican Convention and he's still fucking with it with all that information. You know, like, that's your fault. And that's okay. Like that's it that isn't about like, I'm bad. It's all good data. It's all good.

Ralph Andracchio  
Yeah. Yeah. It's, it's that it's something that we're trained to do, I think as performers that again, gives us a unique perspective into human connection. And it and like I like what you said at the beginning of it's not necessarily absence of ego, but it's being able to turn it down or put it aside or look past it and say, there's more to me than that, that self protection that we all have. And like if I can be fully present and you know, wow, I'm not getting laughs right now sir. What's going on? Are you okay? Are you know, they see your phone What are you who you texting right now, you know, calling stuff out like that. I think it's just this this up higher level. of connection and under human and human understanding? Yeah, learning of the human condition. Yeah, I think can benefit everybody. And you keep bringing up the subject of joy, like finding joy or tapping into joy or whatever. And we had Kristen we had Neil Neil King on a couple episodes ago, our most favorite episode and it's our like, highest downloaded episode. And I think because it tapped into this idea of what we're constantly focused on. And a lot of times we're focused on in a nutshell, what he said was, we're focused on the sea of stress in front of us and finding a little bits of joy. And he said, What if we reverse that and say, Hey, look at all the joy I have in my life. And if I keep that, use that as the baseline, it's easier to pick out the points of stress and deal with. You know,

Betty Smithsonian  
Yeah, I want to say one other thing because about physical comedy. The other piece that I think for me helps, really, because a lot of what we're doing right now is just bla bla bla bla bla talking. Yeah, the thing that's so specific for me and clown is to just show show how you're feeling. Don't tell me how you're feeling. So that's a very different thing. It's very different in improv, it's very I mean, it's almost unheard of in stand up. But it's it's show it's show it's not. I'm so sad because my parrot is sick and I get sick. When I get so sad. I have trouble sleeping and then I get really tired and it's like, okay, cool. You lost me at pirate. But if you were to say like, oh my God, I know my parents sick. I cry sometimes and I make noises like a bird to honor him. Tweet. You know, then we started sharing a real authentic emotion or out of our heads share in a way that's almost like why are we laughing and enjoying this we don't know why, you know? So I think, you know, saying like, Oh, my tongue hurts, you know, and it feels weird when I point it, like cool. If you don't show us your tongue, we're so we're so bored. We don't even believe you. Right. So I think physical honesty is also really important in that if it's even a thing if you can even like have you ever done or learned about neutral mask? Do you know what the art of neutral mask is?

Ralph Andracchio  
Can you nutshell it for us?

Betty Smithsonian  
Sure. It's an art form on stage that was created as an exercise to design to help actors and their bodies, but you basically put a mask on that is completely neutral. So there's no it's just a it's not a smile. It's not a frown. It's just a blank mask with a face but there's no expression. And then you perform on stage using just the rest of your body. And you just learn about how the tiniest shift in one part of your body can convey a huge emotion. With nothing on your face with no words, you can express these huge grand dramatic ideas with Dum Dums like get lost in our brain words.

Ralph Andracchio  
Amen. Well, that makes me think of we've Kristin and I have talked about this before of body language and trying to connect with people and how humans have really good bullshit detectors. We and we don't often use them enough but we have them like there's that study that says you know, you know within the first seven seconds of meeting somebody you already know, if you liked them, you trust them, whatever, you're gonna talk to them more. And that's it's not only a survival mechanism, but it's like this way we connect without our words is reading each other's body language. So we all do that in really minut degrees compared to how you do it from your you know, training, but it's something we're all capable of doing of you know, and if we can connect with ourselves enough to say Oh, my body's not matching my words. I need to fix that if you fix it, you actually come a better speaker and a better communicator.

Betty Smithsonian  
100%. I mean, you know, when someone goes on stage stage, either an improv or not and tries really fucking hard to be funny. You hate it. Yes, I hate seeing them try with that. fakeness you're like, I don't know why a fucking hate this guy. But since has been on stage I went and set his house on fire. That's how much I hate him right now. And also, I've been running that's how I was able to get their and back.

Ralph Andracchio  
That's why I'm out of out of breath. 

Betty Smithsonian  
Yeah, that's why I'm out of breath and smell like gasoline. I know you were wondering

Ralph Andracchio  
But this date is going great, isn't it?

Betty Smithsonian  
It is and luckily, we won't have to see him ever again. But yeah, there is that like visceral response. We don't even know why. Just our detector goes off. We're like, Oh, this guy sucks man. So disconnected from us. He's literally on stage. You might as well be texting someone while he's up. There. Right? We can't feel or connect. I think for your jobs as therapists and coaches kind of helping unpeel the layers of onion for someone. When you when you find a person who will put themselves on stage. It's probably not good advice to say go there. up on stage and be your most vulnerable stuff. Right, right. Yeah. We always put on an armor to get to get up there, you know, to have a hard conversation or do something that's scary. So to like guide someone through something where I mean I listen I fucking love it now but I've been in recovery 20 plus years. I mean, my life feels in insured by authenticity or I will die a miserable drunk if I don't stay, you know, honest. So I don't know if most people have that kind of you know, maybe radical desire to just like share every fuckin honorable thing. I think it takes a different I think most people are trying to protect, wouldn't you say?

Ralph Andracchio  
Yeah, Kristin you can probably talk to this more than I could. 

Kristin Wood  
Absolutely people are trying not protect they're trying to hide their, their they're scared to show what's really going on. They're embarrassed to show what's really going on. It's way too vulnerable and scary. And some people are really good at it. That's the thing. There are people that are really good at there's people that are really bad at it and you know, some people you can meet and that's another thing. I'll call it a pet peeve but I literally just cannot be around people that are disingenuous if I feel a sense that this whatever the form of that word is, if I sense that I immediately do not want to be anywhere near that person in a social setting. I'm talking about but yeah,

Betty Smithsonian  
Your hauch goes up. right Kristin, you can feel your hauch.

Kristin Wood  
I get like the baby that can't find mommy's face. I'm like, Well, no, no, no, you know, yeah, immediately want to run away because I'm a connector.

Betty Smithsonian  
I know and that person feels dangerous to someone like you or me.

Kristin Wood  
A little bit. Yeah, just feel highly annoyed. But that's probably more of a reaction of just like yeah, like you said, I forgot everything I was saying before that to do with it. No, you're you were totally fine. But yeah, I think I remember that. Yeah, I think a lot of people do that. And it's such a disservice to everyone. Unfortunately, if more people could just be more authentic and be able to really like you said tell their truth and be their authentic self. We would all be better off because when people walk around like that, a lot to do it just sort of what's the word it just, it just perpetuates. There we go. The idea that people are perfect and everybody's got it together and then Facebook, Instagram, everything else just just adds to this and if more people were just like, I feel like shit. Yeah, it's so highly anxious today. Like I hear that, but I'm a therapist, and those are my people. So when they come ups like I have the shittiest day and like, and they're just like so real then I'm immediately the opposite of the other like I want to be all around them. And I just wish more people could do that because it's so it breaks everyone. It breaks and breaks down is the wrong term, but just sort of Allah like disarms. That's what I'm looking for other people often and then like, oh, and then maybe they'll share how they're really feeling.

Betty Smithsonian  
And in some spaces, that's 100% what we're doing right, we're at an AA meeting, or we're in a church or we're in a space where it's like an environment set up to not just encourage that, but that's where that's going to feel the best you know, and I think humans compartmentalize for safety and for survival. I think also that our shared experience of or I guess our individual experience of when we've last been hurt and sharing a thing it's hard to you know, shake that loose. I know one of the biggest secrets and things that I've had in my life that I was like, oh, If anyone finds this out, or if anyone knew this about me if anyone knew I was thinking this or whatever, especially in early recovery, like Well, I'm gonna go to my grave. I'm never going to show people this part of me or I gotta change this part of me and I can't let anyone know. The great myth and the great kind of disrupter that anxiety that fear of authenticity was when I did share it all. So here it is, here's all this stuff. Here's all this fucking horrible shit and people were like, Alright, cool. You guys. You guys want to go get some pizza? I'm like, Well, yeah, why would you major RIA memes or whatever, you know, and then having that being like, oh, you know what, this actually didn't push you away. This made this lighter. And once you have enough of that, then you're like, not only did it make me lighter and we're connected to you, but when I was more connected with with you, I felt joy. Oh, no, that's all I want. I don't want to feel the panic or the relief off and God didn't find out. I don't want that. They found out they still love me. Let's go play.

Kristin Wood  
Let's go somewhere people

Betty Smithsonian  
Absolutely are just like, let's know that the uncovering, and the sharing is what is connecting us you know, and for fighting all the time. You know, not saying you should go on your zoom conference call with your you know, with your work and say Hey, everyone. Sometimes I do this thing with my sneakers at the end of the night where I place them by my bedside and put a little candy a meme and see if anybody visits me in the night. They didn't have the next agenda item. 

Ralph Andracchio  
This also speaks to the danger of living in a world that we like we do now where everybody kind of puts their best fakest digital face forward. You know, instant on Instagram or Twitter or zoom or wherever it's like it's all these different kinds of modulated and manipulated versions of ourselves that we kind of get lost behind and then we see everybody else's perfect vision of themselves staring back at us and we're like, oh shit. I feel bad about myself now because I don't look like that. I don't sound like that. I'm not as funny as that I'm not as beautiful you know, I can't make a pie that looks that great. And I'm actually happy. I'm feel lucky that I am in the comedy community because I have more...

Betty Smithsonian  
I'm actually happy that I can make a pie that's that great.

Ralph Andracchio  
I also yes, my pies are fantastic. And you know, I have permission to to show all my words and you know, call out all that bullshit to everybody. And it serves this you know, I don't want to get all like high on my own supply. But like, I think comedy serves this purpose. This higher purpose. Of like, it's not just making people laugh. It's like what you're talking about, like it's connects everybody in the room and it's like, hey, let's talk about these awkward things in this kind of safe space where we can talk about it. And maybe once everybody leaves somebody will have pulled something away subconsciously that will help.

Betty Smithsonian  
Yeah. Yeah, right on. I'm about to go do this bit show tonight at this. I think it's this bar in the gayborhood. And I thought it was just going to be stand up and then they're like, oh, no, we saw you do that thing last week. I have a silly bit. Haven't done in a year is where I come out and I hold up a sign that says I want you guys to throw eggs at me and then I pull out of thin eggs and they people throw eggs at me. I know it sounds brilliant, but it's it's actually really ridiculous and fun and just the most ridiculous things will happen. As a result of asking the audience do that. Anyway. This comics like oh, yeah, I booked you for like 20 minutes of like a bit and not stand up. And I'm like, Oh, I'm gonna have to create some joy silly clown thing. And this morning I was like writing starting to write it and I immediately was like, No way. I'm gonna leave my house today. I'm gonna grab three objects that are fun, and I'm going to go on stage and do whatever. Like I think that's the other thing where like over overthinking or over planning anything will by default take you out of that. emotional moment and experience. That live authentic connection will be impossible to fake. If you've written it out and scripted it.

Kristin Wood  
Yeah, I do that with my clients all the time where they're stressed. About talking that's the word, talking to somebody about something or sharing something really difficult. And they're going on and on and on. Like, oh, we just break this down. How are you feeling? Let's get the feelings. Okay. That's what you want to say. Yeah, all that other fluff and stuff that you're trying to write down and you think you gotta like prep them for this and then explain this and like no,

Betty Smithsonian  
you're really good. You're really good at sharing your feelings. And some people are just caveman, right? Men, women, non binary, they're cavemen. They're just like, oh, I have you know, like so right? It's like, even saying that you're just like, okay, just like name the feelings I'm trying to like, figure out and process it. I feel like with my dad, especially like, he's such just like, you know, grown up in a time where no one no man, we're allowed to share their feelings. And by default, he's a monster when it comes to any feelings that are difficult. And it just kind of like gets, you know, agita and it there's no processing. But that's the best he can fucking do. That's his best. He doesn't have any of the solution on how to process share Express or authentically connect. And that's where we're at. So the people around them are just like, Okay, here it goes. You know, here it goes is whatever. So I think in terms of like emotional intelligence to checking in on not everyone can be in their most joyous, expressive, authentic selves. If if they were we would likely not have a planet because things would just implode. We're like Oh, Putin expressed his anger. And now we're all dead you hear? So I don't know if that made any sense did it? How bout this?

Ralph Andracchio  
That actually makes more sense.

Betty Smithsonian  
Before we go because I feel like we're starting to wrap up but I want to say before we go, I want to say during the Zoom zoomy tunes of the pandemic. One of my favorite things to do was while I was like chatting with somebody on Zoom, I would just like be like, Oh, what's this? Oh, hello. Oh, the meetings not over yet. We're not we're still on the call. This is my boss I'm sorry. You guys. This is my boss. You can see he's wearing a tie.

Ralph Andracchio  
Oh, yes.

Kristin Wood  
Yeah, so cute. Yeah. Sorry. Like, oh, it's cute. 

Betty Smithsonian  
We only have one Zoom meeting so we share it. I'll be right with you. Okay, you can use it in a second. He's got like a conference call with a bunch of crayons. 

Ralph Andracchio  
Well I have two things before we go. Well, three things but first, what you were talking about, about being able to process emotions. I think very quickly. I know this could be a whole other episode but I think men specifically when we grow up, we are not taught to process emotions at all. And we are taught the only way to connect with each other is either through anger or through sports or through like

Sex 

Yes. So those are the only three things you can do. 

Betty Smithsonian  
I also took a mime class so so

Ralph Andracchio  
I think that could be a whole other conversation but it you know, if you're a man or somebody who's male identifying, listening to us, give yourself permission to feel emotions and to work through them and you know, process them. You don't just have to be angry or sexy or you know, play sports or whatever. There's a whole other range of emotions out there waiting for you to shake hands with them and say hi. Secondly, Betty if you if you met or uncorked a genie, and they gave you one wish, to that you could, you know, fulfill for all of humanity. What do you think it would be?

Betty Smithsonian  
Yes, yes, yes. My wish would be to be able to... Yeah. I think I want it to be two things. I want people to be able to experience joy at least once a day and I want people to feel effortless in acknowledging their failure. Effortless game that could just be here it is.

Ralph Andracchio  
I love that. Kristin, do you have any final questions?

Kristin Wood  
Oh, final question

Ralph Andracchio  
or thoughts?

Kristin Wood  
No I just I love this whole concept that Betty sort of brought about of the joy in your failure. I am trying to figure out how I can use that in my practice, like it's so far from a lot of the issues my clients present with have you know, they're on the other opposite end of that of self punishment and everything else. And I love that concept and I'm just I'm it's percolating in here for me, like,

Betty Smithsonian  
yeah, 10% Whenever you collect from your clients

Kristin Wood  
I'm letting it and letting it but I appreciate that and you you know, talk about how that relates to comedy. And then I'm just pulling from that and thinking how can I take some of what she's saying to and apply that so I do so thanks.

Betty Smithsonian  
Absolutely. I'm here for you. And if you need anyone to point out failures of others, I'm happy to listen in on any of your calls. 

Kristin Wood  
Okay. I'll let my clients know that you're there

Betty Smithsonian  
We have a a gay Jewish clown in West Philly, who's going to be Zooming in with us today is that alright Mike? 

Kristin Wood  
Sounds good.

Ralph Andracchio  
So and then thirdly, and finally. Can you can can you share with our audience any any place if they love hearing you where they can find you online? Or if they're close to Philly, where they can see you in person?

Yeah, definitely. Go to bettysmithsonian.com. I try to keep my like on a month to month you'll see my updating shows we have all kinds of stuff happening bid shows and stand up shows I'm at punch line. The second weekend in November featuring hosting for Jesse Kherson is one of the funniest comics out there right now. She's going to be doing a weekend of shows. I have a gay comedy show that Ralph is actually going to be on at punch line on Sunday, October 30. We're going to be doing scared gay Halloween comedy show 

Gay stuff.

Kristin Wood  
I'm gonna get the details. Go ahead.

Betty Smithsonian  
and yeah, just follow me on whatever and I'm constantly share with me how great you think I am.

Ralph Andracchio  
We will we will put all of that information in our show notes so people can get it.

Kristin Wood  
Yes, thank you.

Ralph Andracchio  
One final thing I almost forgot. Did you Did you see that? Comic who got the beer thrown at them? By the Trump supporters? Oh my God, would you have handled it any differently?

Betty Smithsonian  
Well, I guess I'm sober. I probably wouldn't have drank the beer 

Ralph Andracchio  
true. 

Betty Smithsonian  
Um, I probably would have done something just as clowny for sure. And yes, and did whatever it was, um, maybe put it down my pants or poured it over my head or put it between my boobs or?

Ralph Andracchio  
Yeah, the thing I think that's all of our if you if you get on stage, you know a lot I think that's one of our fears is that somebody's gonna throw something at us or get on stage and do something so to see that, like you were talking about before I was like, oh, man, my empathy muscle twitch. But also I think she handled it beautifully. I mean, it will do that.

Betty Smithsonian  
I've never been more adored by an audience than when someone in their audience said something to me and a horrible thing. And then everyone in the audience fucking hated that person. And immediately they're like, Get off the stage and I'm like, what? And everyone's like you know, freaking out on them. This is my dream and I have this whole group of people is like standing up to my bullying. This is maybe the greatest thing ever.

Ralph Andracchio  
Were you in high school?

Betty Smithsonian  
Seriously,

Ralph Andracchio  
you're 30 years too late.

Betty Smithsonian  
I wish 30 years Jesus Christ All right. Thanks, guys. This is really fun. 

Ralph Andracchio  
This was great.

Kristin Wood  
Thanks so much.

Ralph Andracchio  
Thank you so much for being a guest. This was amazing. Again, everything will be in the show notes. I want everybody to go visit your site and see your shows if they're in Philly. This was wonderful. Kristen, thank you for making time in your busy therapist schedule.

Kristin Wood  
I wouldn't have missed it.

Ralph Andracchio  
Thank you for listening to another wonderful episode of Hey Let Me Ask You Something. We'll see you next week.

Kristin Wood  
See ya. Bye. 

Betty Smithsonian  
Bye. 

Ralph Andracchio  
Bye 

Betty Smithsonian  
bye.

Transcribed by https://otter.ai