What's the Deal with Anger, Privilege, and Entitlement? - S02E11

On this episode, Kristin and Ralph get serious and talk about anger, privilege, and entitlement, different kinds of privilege, handling perceived powerlessness, possible ties to imposter syndrome, holding yourself accountable, having tough conversations, waiting in line as a metaphor for life, and the joys of having luxurious hair. 

Don’t forget to rate our show and give us a follow, a like, or subscribe! We love what we do and want to inspire MORE people to ask MORE questions and have MORE interesting conversations. And check out our YouTube channel to see us in action and hear stuff that didn’t make the cut for the podcast. 

DISCLAIMER:
The views expressed on the Hey Let Me Ask You Something Podcast are solely the opinions of your hosts Kristin Wood and Ralph Andracchio and are based on their years of practical and clinical experience. These opinions do not constitute any kind of advice, diagnosis, or treatment of any mental, physical, or emotional issues. If you are having an emergency or any serious ongoing situations please contact your local hospital or a trusted professional.

Kristin's Website
Ralph's Website
NAACP
Cultural Survival
Human Rights Campaign

Transcript

The Hey Let Me Ask You Something Podcast
Season 02
Episode 11
What's the Deal with Anger, Privilege, and Entitlement?

[MUSIC INTRO PLAYS] - 00:00

Intro Voiceover - 00:08
You’ve found the only podcast that refuses to wait in line, unless it’s for ice cream…Hey Let Me Ask You Something.

On this episode, Kristin and Ralph get serious and talk about anger, privilege, and entitlement, different kinds of privilege, handling perceived powerlessness, possible ties to imposter syndrome, holding yourself accountable, having tough conversations, waiting in line as a metaphor for life, and the joys of having luxurious hair. 

Don’t forget to rate our show and give us a follow, a like, or subscribe! We love what we do and want to inspire MORE people to ask MORE questions and have MORE interesting conversations. And check out our YouTube channel to see us in action and hear stuff that didn’t make the cut for the podcast. 

And as always the views expressed on the Hey Let Me Ask You Something Podcast are solely the opinions of your hosts Kristin Wood and Ralph Andracchio and are based on their years of practical and clinical experience. These opinions do not constitute any kind of advice, diagnosis, or treatment of any mental, physical, or emotional issues. If you are having an emergency or any serious ongoing situations please contact your local hospital or a trusted professional. You can find this complete disclaimer on our podcast homepage. And now… on with the show!

Ralph Andracchio - 01:28
Looking good feeling good. Check to make sure.

Kristin Wood - 01:33  
We just ask the make up to step aside.

Ralph Andracchio - 01:38  
Everybody quiet down on the set please. I have I forget how wonderful it is to have a beard. 

Kristin Wood - 01:46
I saw you coming it earlier.

Ralph Andracchio - 01:48
I comb it non stop like I because I don't have anything else to work with. So I am like absent mindedly when I'm watching TV. I'll just have my little comb and I'll just comb my beard  because it's so like my brains like what is this?

Kristin Wood - 02:03
It's probably soothing.

Ralph Andracchio - 02:04
It's very soothing. So I I'm I'm hoping that I don't give myself bald spots on my face. 

Kristin Wood - 02:11
Right now it's looking fabulous. 

Ralph Andracchio - 02:12
Right? I'm training it to be nice and - right? I moisturize I comb I wash. It's you know, I'm getting back into haircare. All right. Thank you. Dan doesn't want it to get too long. Understood. I don't want it to get too long either. This is a good I've been trying to trim it off.

Kristin Wood - 02:34  
No. It's good right there.

Ralph Andracchio - 02:37  
There's a there's a rule. Gentlemen, if you're listening and on the video for YouTube, the how you measure where you want your beard to end is when you find your Adam's apple, and then you put your index finger on it. You're the first knuckle of your index finger. That's - the tip of your finger is where you should end your...

Kristin Wood - 02:56 
This is new information

Ralph Andracchio - 02:58
Because it gives you a nice a nice cut right there and it accentuates your jaw. If you don't have a jaw, it gives you a jaw like me. It's nice. So right there so do the do the finger trick. And you'll never...

Kristin Wood - 03:11  
I don't have an Adam's apple

Ralph Andracchio - 03:12 
You don't have an Adam's Apple but. Hey you don't beard either. 

Kristin Wood - 03:17
Check and check.

Ralph Andracchio - 03:19
Check and mate. Yes. Wow. Yeah. It's getting colder. So I'm glad I'm I have a beard because it really does make a difference. Keeps my face nice and warm.

Kristin Wood - 03:34  
I've got the hair on the head helps keep my head warm, 

Ralph Andracchio - 03:37  
Well, yours like head, ears, neck. Does it really work like that? Like if you have long hair keeps everything warm.

Kristin Wood - 0 3:44  
I don't I mean, it's hard for me to know. All I know is like my friend. He's bald and I remember him bringing a hat recently. I'm like, that's a little overkill but then I'm like not really. He has no hair on his head. Like I at least have a little you know, buffer. When it's really cold, though. We all need our hats.

Ralph Andracchio  -04:02
Absolutely. So we had a really great episode last time, Episode 10 with Shannon DeVido. And Aubrey Williams. Really popular episode really great conversations Fun, thoughtful, thought provoking and part of what we touched on in that conversation was privilege. And you and I have been talking and there's more there. I think we want to explore in terms of privilege. There was another thing that we mentioned that I that is entitlement. Thank you. Yes. See, if I don't know the word I can't. I can't do it. Sounds like three syllables. No four syllables. Oh God, That'd be terrible at charades. So today we want to talk more about entitlement and privilege. And like, what why? Why do we why why do we pick this topic but also why why do so many people and this is a question for me is this is coming from my my soul right now. I was like, Why do so many people like embrace privilege and entitlement so readily?

Kristin Wood - 05:31  
I don't know if they know the answer, I think because it gives them power is the first thing that comes to mind for me. It gives them more power. Allows them to get what they want easier if they use it. I also feel a little bit of for some insecurity could be behind it. I think with themselves in the sense of if you don't really feel so great about yourself, maybe in one area than another area of your life you might really abuse your privilege to feel powerful and important, etc.

Ralph Andracchio - 06:19  
Would this tie in with imposter syndrome at all? Could it be like a really strong reaction to feeling that way like the pendulum swings really far.

Kristin Wood - 06:34  
I guess I didn't think about it that way but I think if you that episode, as well, as was that one or different one we talked about - How if you're feeling really insecure in one area of your life, it can leak into others and I think you can go the other way around which ties into what we're talking about today. Whereas if you're feeling really small, and insecure and unimportant, whatever the words are, might be in one area of your life. Then if you have another area of life where you are perceived you believe you're perceived to be more powerful, more confident. More important, that you may blow that up quite a bit to make up for those other areas that you feel lacking in.

Ralph Andracchio - 07:18  
Yeah, and I want to - we talked about this too. I want to address the elephant in the room. That there is literally an elephant here in the room. You can't see it. It's off camera. It's standing with all the makeup people. It's very well trained. No the elephant in the room is this is this show. Hey, Let Me Ask You Something is hosted by two white people. Yeah, two cisgendered white people and we realize talking about privilege and entitlement is you know, without more a more diverse voice. You know, we realize that that is an issue but also I feel like I said this right before we started. I don't feel like we're aiming this conversation at anyone else but cisgendered white people. I feel like anybody who's not a cisgendered white person, especially anybody who's not a cisgendered male white person you know this, this is for you. This talk is for you, everybody else who is not a cisgendered straight white male, you can go you may not need this, you can go make some toasts. Put some butter and jelly on it. Turn on turn on Netflix because I this really is for a specific swath of people. And you know, if you disagree with that, fine. We're we're good with pushback. That's how conversations start. And that's a great thing to happen. But at least for the two of us, we feel like this is this is really aimed at a very specific swath of people, you know,

Kristin Wood - 09:09
Yeah and this could be the episode that people may have lots to say about that, you know, as far as challenging us as far as wanting to tap in more into pieces of what because this is such a hot topic right now. Right? So we encourage, as we always say, we really encourage people to push back, send additional questions or topics related to that you would like us to talk about we welcome that there and afraid of that. We don't get our feelings hurt by that. We're pretty tough, right?

Ralph Andracchio - 09:42  
Yeah. Well, you're pretty tough. I cry constantly. I'm surprised I take a break for an hour while we tape these episodes, But then I'm very dehydrated every every day because I cry so much. Oh, yeah. No, I'm okay. Okay, that will make me cry more. So and also I want to mention abilities or disability as well because that came up last week, and it was very - I noticed a lot of my blind spots I don't even know, if I can say that, places where I'm I you know, my my vision could be obscured about certain things and, you know, so not only you know, cisgendered people, white people, male people but also people who are not disabled you know, there's a privilege and entitlement that comes with that as well. So, this is a this is a very now that we're starting to talk discussion and like this deep this is a this is a thorny patch of road that we're venturing into but I'm I'm ready for it. I feel like we've matured as a show enough and as hosts enough, that we can. And again, you know, this is just our opinions. We're talking through stuff. We don't have all the answers at all. We're only we're talking at this you know about this from our respective places in life and our you know, the journeys we've had over 40 some odd years on the planet so but yeah, you're right it is it is a hot topic because just scrolling through social media, you know, TikTok, especially right now, because that's I just got on to it a few months ago, so it's new for me, so I'm like watching all the videos and a ton of them are just people who are either screaming in somebody's face or you know about a parking spot or masks or you know, walking into restaurants and screaming at people because, and I'm just like, Why? Why are you doing that like what, what is is the impetus that is driving you to confront somebody like that, that you don't even know. I would never even dream of doing that in a million years. But also that's because, you know, of the life that I've led. I have never been a very confrontational person. So where do you I think that's a good place to start - I think that's a good place to start is where do you think what do you think the impetus is to that, that inspires people to confront each other like that somebody you don't even know.

Kristin Wood - 12:35  
I think sometimes people take things personally as against them as something somebody's trying to do against them. And so their reaction is so intense because they feel personally targeted even when in most of those these cases, that's just not even it. I think it's people. It happens a lot when we have people that are very used to things being done a certain way and being treated a certain way and then all of a sudden they're not. I'm thinking of this example where I was at the carwash and every time I go to the carwash there's some sort of debacle because the line goes down Spring Garden, and it's a busy road and people button the lines they don't even know the lines back there. It's a thing. I one day this guy butted in the line and I was behind this woman in front of me and then he was in front of her and she's in her car. I think she was honking and yelling. And then she like jumps up out of her car. And like ran over and then he got out of his car and he was like really big. And then I think she quickly realized I'm just going to scurry on back to my car now. And then there was like a whole like love fest about it when they all both settled down in in the actual waiting room in the yes, all of a sudden she's like I was I wanted to curse I was being ridiculous. And it's like, How dare this person? And the whole time I'm watching this thinking yeah, that's annoying, but the person doesn't know nine times out of 10 They're just they didn't realize the line was there and you all of a sudden think they're trying to get one off, you know, get one on you or disrespect you or disregard you. So I think I honestly know, I'm saying the same thing so many times it's so many times this comes from your own stuff, and your own insecurities, maybe even triggers from your childhood stuff that people blow up go off off the deep end about it. And it just screams an insecurity to me and, and at times, a privilege about it as well.

Ralph Andracchio - 14:41  
Yeah I there's a lot of assumption of you know, whatever's happening is affecting me personally. It's aimed at me personally is an attack on me and my body and my you know, way of life and I need to now attack that thing. You - somebody butted in front of you in line, like, chillax 

Kristin Wood - 15:03 
The line's long if you're gonna go there know you're gonna be in line on a normal day for a while. That's just how it is there. 

Ralph Andracchio - 15:09  
And I get it. I understand that sometimes there is a very heated emotional thing that happens and we're all again, we've said this before, humans are emotional beings. It's how we process information and life in general. So you know, emotions are there, they're not going anywhere. And I understand we've all been there when something happens or somebody says something and immediately your anger monsters like what was that? Oh, what what did you say? Like, I get it where it can go from zero to 1000. I've been there.

Kristin Wood - 15:41  
And oftentimes honestly, it's it's really a trigger for people that has nothing to do with what's going on. But it triggered something in them. So like I'll just just make up an example of the lady at the carwash. You know maybe she's got a deep seated thing around being ignored, or always pushed to the side or no one listening to her. All these - This is a total guess. I have no idea what I'm talking about us right this is to speculate a possible idea what can happen. And so the reactions total so this is total therapy stuff right now. The reaction is so intense and like my guess would be by what I saw in the waiting room after that she probably went home and thought wow, that was craziness. Like why did I act like that? And then she'll be mad and think, why did I do that? It had nothing to do with the guy at the carwash and I knew that watching your because a therapist and I watched the stuff and I'm like oh no, that's it had to do whatever else is going on. It's way deeper than that way bigger. than that. And that triggered it.

Ralph Andracchio - 16:48  
Right? Yeah, power thing more often than not, I would think and yeah, that's what actually gets me I don't I don't respond. I used to respond like that a lot. And I and I did some work on myself and realized what you just said like it's not about the other person. It's not about the situation. It's something about it triggered me personally. Stuff that I have going on in my brain and I like lash out because of that. And now that I know that it's it's easier for me to take a breath and say, You know what, it's just somebody cut in front of me in line has absolutely nothing to do with me. I could you could have replaced me in that situation with a million other people. And it would have happened the same way has nothing to do with me personally. And that actually helps me kind of relax into it like you obviously have somewhere important to go. You know, you do your thing. I'm fine, you know, and it's like, and then I try to picture the waiting room like you said, like two two steps ahead of like, okay, yeah, I could get super angry right now and cause a fight. But then after the emotion subsides because it doesn't last forever, It's gonna go away. You have that afterwards, like, Oh, that was bad. I shouldn't have done that. And that's why that's where I tried to make my mind go first. Like, do you really want to have to deal with that afterwards? And my brains like no, I don't. You're right.

Kristin Wood - 18:18  
And the problem isn't I don't want to go off too far on this clinical piece that I'm on here. But is that sometimes people don't. They just start self deprecating and self blaming, and aren't able to take a step back with a therapist maybe could help them do this and say what was that? What was that really about? What happened there for me what was triggered? And if you can understand that, you're able to recover quicker, and you're able to not beat yourself up as much if you can really do the work to figure out why that's happening.

Ralph Andracchio - 18:51  
Yeah, yeah. And I think one of the big root impetus for us to talk about this today was a very specific kind of person. And I want to be careful because we don't want to, it starts with a K and it's usually aimed at a certain kind of white woman. We don't want to perpetuate the stereotype. So I'm not going to go into that. But there are those are usually what people think about when you talk about privilege and entitlement is those kind of people that have a very over the top reaction to things that are happening and then use immutable qualities of themselves to jockey for power in the situation. Did I say that ok? I'm trying to be as clinical as possible. Man that was tough my brains like right leave me alone. I just want to say it, but it's. It's interesting. I can only speak for myself but it's interesting because this this system, we exist in was built to for people who look like me to succeed without a lot of effort. And so it's, you know, when something challenges that yeah, it is it is jarring because we just haven't been exposed to, you know, an any other kind of point of view about it, you know, and so i i Welcome being challenged about stuff like that, because it makes me a better person. And that's really what I want to do. You know, I don't want to skate through life. I don't want to I don't want to have everything handed to me. I want to fight for stuff and work for stuff. It just makes it feel like I earned it. You know, I don't know you were gonna say something.

Kristin Wood - 20:55  
No, I was gonna say - I don't know why this keeps. I keep thinking about this. But one of the things - I don't know if I'm going to articulate as well that I noticed is standing in line. Standing in a long line. I've just noticed that non white Yeah. Cisgender I forgot which we generally not people who are not white are much more impatient waiting in line, then. I'm sorry. are more patient than white people in line. It I don't know why this jumps out at me all the time. But I actually look around and observe it. It's like white people don't have to wait as long I don't know months is not a theory. This is something I have observed and it doesn't happen all the time. But I am in it doesn't mean there was a scene. either. I can see it you know, you can tell when somebody is really annoyed that they have to be waiting. They're very agitated. I just feel like they're always white. Or if someone's causing a big thing like where's my food or where's this or where's my prescription or whatever, or why I have to wait in this line. For this. I've just noticed that. I've seen a lot of privilege around it like subtle privilege. And don't ask me why I recognize this but I do all the time. Because I am a very impatient person very, and I worked so hard in lines to not be that way. Like I if I'm doing it, I need to keep it in here because I don't want to be that person. I don't want to present that way. Because I probably am just like all the other white cisgender women out there. And so I I don't know why that jumps out at me Ralph or why, but I've noticed it.

Ralph Andracchio - 22:48  
It's a classic example you know, waiting in line is is something we all have to do. We wait in line a lot for different things and you're right you know when I when I think about who I've seen having a problem waiting in line, or you know problem with something while they check for something waiting in general. It's usually people who look like us that are like "Um I - 

Kristin Wood - 23:11
There's a bug we have to talk about it for a second. It's like a gnat, It looks like he's gone, but he's not on your hand.

Ralph Andracchio - 23:18  
Yeah, I don't know. He's hiding somewhere. He'll be back. Alright,

Kristin Wood - 23:22
He's actually our guest.

Ralph Andracchio - 23:24
Oh, no. I hope I didn't crush him, man. I want all of our guests to feel welcomed and safe and not crushed by my giant hand. No, it's it's a way to it's a I think there's a feeling that I shouldn't have to wait. This is not for me. This is for everybody else. I'm different. I shouldn't have to do this. And then I immediately think why you're no better than any of us. If there's a line. I'm going to wait in line everybody else is waiting in line. I'm not any different from any of these people and I want to - I just want to get my thing you know, and it's It cracks me up more than anything like where do you have to go? Are you a doctor? 

Kristin Wood - 24:14  
No. Most people have nowhere to go.

Ralph Andracchio - 24:17  
Right is if you're a doctor and somebody is like coding on a table. Why are you at Home Depot buying screws, you know, like, maybe rethink your choices. But it's it's always something it's not a life that I could understand if it's like life or death. Absolutely. You know, fight for your fight for your life, fight for your rights, you know, whatever. But if we're all at Home Depot waiting in line to buy stuff, and you're just impatient and don't want to wait in line too bad, Wait in line like the rest of us. You know?

Kristin Wood - 24:56  
I hadn't thought. Um, I also think it's the way people like what people are used to the way people are used to being treated. So it's like it's even if you go, somebody lives in a middle to upper class, suburb, okay, and they're in different types of stores or restaurants. I feel like sometimes there's I don't know if I'm generalizing here. pampered a little bit more by staff, than if you go into a city where you're just not going to get and there's nothing good or bad. It's just different. And it's a city and there's a lot of people and people, a lot of different people, whereas in a lot of suburbs, it's a little so if you lived out in one of these types of neighborhoods, and you were dealing with some type of issue or problem or wait, you could be treated differently than if you were in a city and that was happening.Not treated differently. Just not pamper about it.

Ralph Andracchio - 25:58  
Yeah, I've - pampered is a good word. And I I'm glad you said that because it brings up the idea of the customer's always right. This is a whole other show about how retail especially has really fostered this idea of I can do no wrong in some people. You know, I worked in retail for a while long time I worked in food service for a while like I've had those jobs and let me tell you the customer is not very much not always right. No, not at all. And it's what what are the what are these companies do? They're like, Oh, no, we need the money. You know, we don't want to have any bad reviews already. But you know what, if somebody is being a jerk, I as a consumer, if I saw somebody being a jerk in a restaurant or in a retail shop or something and I saw the people working there say no out. Like we don't you're not going to do that here. I would be like cool I'm gonna shop here all the time. It's nice you know, I cuz it's theirs. First of all, I want to see stand up for yourself hold people accountable. The customer is not always right. It's more about Yes, it may hurt your sale that day. But in the long run, treating people with respect and insisting that they treat you with respect, it just makes a better and it ties into things we've talked about before on different episodes of like, having a job that you love and working in a place that respects you and there's a mission and a vision that you agree with that goes right into it. Like my saying the customer's always right is very undermining for team morale and you know, being abused again, being opening yourself up to abuse like that from people.

Kristin Wood - 27:44
Yeah, is moving to something else. So in my building where I live, I happen to know of one person I'm sure there's many that is extremely rude, mean troublemaker to the staff. And as almost caused people probably cost people their jobs, by the way in which she speaks to them and treats them because she has more power, per se. And not to mention that in my building. My building is majority white. And and the people that work in my building are majority black people. So when I found this out, oh my gosh, she should have seen me I was like Who is she? And I will tell you right now as much as I follow the rules, and I don't. If I'm standing there and I witnessed this is not going to be pretty. I'm going to be highly upset because I feel like you would have a same reaction if you see somebody and I honestly had to be about privilege. But especially with that, using their privilege to just just real directly try to put somebody down or make someone feel bad or criticize somebody just because she can. I'm gonna have a really hard time stand stand by watching that. Because they speak up in that environment. They could they could that person could make them lose their livelihood, Even though the management knows this person's terrible, but if it got too bad, they would be forced to fire them. And so they have no power really in the situation. And I guess I kind of do have more power and I would feel like I needed to say something and I don't know if that's right or wrong, but I would be just thinking about it makes me very fired up.

Ralph Andracchio - 29:36  
Yeah. And there is an there's a certain amount of privilege to having the choice to say, oh, I can stay out of this. I don't have to I don't have to stand up. I don't have to help that person do that thing.

Kristin Wood - 29:50  
I mean, it's not like the person isn't capable of it but it's your circumstance. It's it's the it's their work is that their job is customer service to the max that that Yeah, I mean, it's the structure the read if it was out on the street, I'm sure. I'm sure miss so and so wouldn't open her mouth. And I'm sure that the staff would tell her what time it was.

Ralph Andracchio - 30:13  
And it it's it's actually I'm glad you said that it's actually up to us to hold each other accountable. It's up to white people to hold white people accountable. And if you see somebody being an A hole like that, me going up to them and saying, Dude, relax, like you can't do that. I'm holding you accountable and yeah, they're gonna scream and yell at me whatever. I can take it I don't care. But it's we have to hold each other accountable because for far too long. I think it's we've looked the other way. And like I said, it's not it's not happening anymore. And I think that's where a lot of the the friction is coming from is that people are realizing, Oh, this isn't I'm going to get pushback from those people are going to fill me and put it online. People are going to like those are some of my favorite videos to watch. On Tik Tok is when people were like, check out this guy who yelled in this person's face -this is his name. We already emailed his company and he's being held accountable like good that should happen

Kristin Wood - 31:22  
And the women in many of the videos not all which gets me also worked up is when they get called out for abusing privilege and then there's the crying. That really, really bothers me

Ralph Andracchio - 31:41  
I can't talk to it, but I hope you can what do 

Kristin Wood - 31:43  
You can because it's more about white people then it's all of a sudden. I think it's that person recognizing that they just were totally  - the videos. I've seen have been about that race race. I mean, this could probably be in other situations.

Ralph Andracchio - 32:01  
The reason I say that is because I can't do that as a as a guy if I if I burst into tears, it doesn't have the same effects if you burst into tears.

Kristin Wood - 32:09  
It's like all of a sudden, the person gets called out for saying some things with a lot of white racist things and showing a lot of white privilege and then we're crying on the grass about how we're a victim. And I - literally as a white woman I'm watching and I can only imagine what people of color are thinking watching that it's comical for some like, really, you're all of a sudden the victim i don't know i don't get that.

Ralph Andracchio - 32:41  
Yeah, it's - you - we need to hold each other if we're in the same community, we need to hold each other accountable. Same thing for the LGBTQ community. You know, I've saw there's this one video I saw where this really lovely guy who was a little overweight, said you know and didn't go out a lot said you know, and I'm probably butchering this whole story but people out there may know what I'm talking about. He said he said you know what, I've I've spent too much time inside feeling sorry for myself. I'm gonna go out to a bar and drink and have fun and hit on people and I'm like good for you. Cut to him leaving the bar and in tears like I got made fun of them call me fat and a loser and I'm like, it is rampant in the gay, especially the gay male community. There is a ton of racism, sexism, fat shaming, you know, if you don't look a certain way in this very small sliver of masculinity. You are trash and it sucks and I've I've never fit into that small sliver. So I get it like I have had people laugh at me and look at me and like whatever. That's again like you said that's your damage that ain't my deal. But we in the community need to hold each other accountable and tell those guys you're you I want to curse so bad. I know this. Like, why aren't you doing that like that serves absolutely no it doesn't make your life any better making this guy feel terrible about himself and making him leave a bar crying. Why? Why Why just we're all there to drink and have a good time. If somebody is not your type. Just say he's not my type. Great. Don't call them ugly or fat or shame him in any way. See, cuz...

[Ralph's Apple Watch begins to speak]

Kristin Wood - 34:40
Siri really wants to be part of the podcast.

Ralph Andracchio - 34:43  
My watch has been dying to be a part of this podcast.

Kristin Wood - 34:46  
I saw it swirling around I thought maybe something was going on there.

Ralph Andracchio - 34:49  
We should try I want to see if we can try - we should have Siri as a guest. I'm wonder what I wonder what that would be like anyway, sorry, I was on a roll and then my watch. I got super excited but it that that that that specifically bothers me because I've never been somebody who I feel has been fit into that category of like, the cut muscular like chiseled man who everybody's you know clamoring over and you know, for somebody to say I'm ugly or I'm fat or like bald or whatever, like, I get it. But just say I'm not your type like going that extra step and attacking me and saying I have no worth - I have no worth because I'm not - oh wait. I have no worth because I have no worth to you. Right? Bull hockey, like get that out of your head immediately. That's that's that's terrible in and of itself. So if you if somebody is not your type and you don't find them attractive, that's fine. Just say that you're not my type. But you know, thank you like we can hang out, have a drink whatever like you may meet you may make a wonderful friend, right? You don't need to completely negate a person's experience or existence because they don't fit into what you consider valuable. 

Kristin Wood - 36:20  
Yeah, I know I feel like this has been a little bit of a group therapy session we're having here about really hot topics.


Ralph Andracchio - 36:27  
We're changing the name of the podcast to hot topics

Kristin Wood - 36:30
A hot pocket

Ralph Andracchio - 36:31
Oh hot pocket oh man I could go for a hot pocket right now. anyway which is does that bring up anything for you? 

Kristin Wood - 36:38  
Oh, I mean, I am an empath. So outside of the topic of our conversation today, if I see anybody abusing anybody, I react I remember not that long ago, which is this is not my typical MO. But I don't get in a lot of arguments, especially people I'm I don't know, I don't get a lot of arguments. But I was at a tennis game. And this this, this gentleman, who I believe has actually pretty serious mental health problems but he said something really really rude and mean to a guy who was his first day there. And I don't know why I felt I had to come up I really thought I felt I had to jump in because this guy literally just got there. I had no idea what the heck was going on and why this guy came out of nowhere with a really crazy thing that he said to him and I end with the guy that said to him, because I can't stand to see people and only reason I felt that I was vulnerable was just in the sense of he was new and never met all of us and we all knew each other and if I didn't like I didn't think he could stand up for himself. But if I ever see anything where I feel like if it's an animal someone's not I feel like someone's being anyway abusive to an animal to a child just to an older person or just to anyone or like if it was somebody that was bullying someone because they were big or ugly to them or whatever. I have a very hard times being quiet I need to now could I do it differently sometimes. A different way will say that day a tennis so I'm not proud of that. But yeah, I can't stand there and watch that. I just can't. It's not necessarily about all about privilege. It's just it like hurts me. And this is why it hurts me to see someone try to have more power and managed to really put somebody down or hurt somebody in any way.

Ralph Andracchio - 38:36  
And referencing last episode with Aubrie and Shannon, it came up where you know, when somebody does fight for equality or equity in some way. There's always that backlash of Why do you get special privilege immediately anything that's like leveling the playing field is seen as somebody getting more than me. And that that that can trigger people to and wearing that mantle of victim can can sometimes like feel good for people who feel like that like oh, well now I'm the victim and so I'm going to - Case in point I'm not gonna I'm not gonna name names or get very specific, but I heard somebody tell me a story of they were having a DEI, session diversity, equity inclusion. I think I said that right. At work and talking about the different kinds of different segments of people that are covered by that and then somebody brought up well, I don't want to wear a mask. So I fit into this and like we need to talk about that in this meeting. And my my blood pressure went through I was like, Oh man, if I was there that would have not been...

Kristin Wood - 39:54  
Wait. They wanted to be considered under the umbrella of diversity, inclusion and equity because they weren't going to wear a mask?

Ralph Andracchio - 40:01  
Yes. And then that hijack the meeting and that was like...

Kristin Wood - 40:06  
Were they - were they vaccinated or unvaccinated?

Ralph Andracchio - 40:10  
I don't know any details. All I know is the story that was was relayed to me. 

Kristin Wood - 40:14  
That's just absolutely ridiculous. 

Ralph Andracchio -  40:16  
And I was like, as somebody who is in a community who falls under the umbrella of diversity, equity inclusion, like, Oh, if that happened in a meeting I was in I would have been like, Listen, buddy, we're gonna have a talk right now. That's not gonna happen, because that's right. Why why, you know, like, these are not dumb people. Everybody that we've been referencing who you can think of have seen a video or I've seen a text from or congressman or anybody who we can think of who fits into this like abuse of privilege and, you know, conversation we're having they know - they're not dumb people. They know exactly what they're doing. Well, sure. Yeah. They know exactly what they're doing. They know exactly why they're doing it. So anybody who feigns ignorance in any way, I don't believe them because they they know exactly what they're doing. And I think it's, it's rude. It adds an extra layer of rude to it to think that I'm not smart enough to know that you know, 

Kristin Wood - 41:29  
Yeah, it's like, beyond the that's the privilege with 5000 exclamation points, and a sense of I, I'm privileged and now I'm going to try to get into a group of people that are not - so that I can get even more than what I already have. Wow, I want to curse this episode. 

Ralph Andracchio - 41:53  
I know. Right? It's really hard

Kristin Wood - 41:57 
That's maddening.

Ralph Andracchio -  41:58  
And also it's educating yourself. There. There's I heard somebody say this and it's stuck with me and and I get it on some subconscious some subconscious level of the Oh, you can put the onus on the person who is being discriminated against to explain to you why it's not good. Like you can't expect the person that you're discriminating against to educate you that's an extra burden you put on that person like, so it's up to you to educate yourself about it. And so I enjoy watching videos where people explain to me why certain things happen. Like the first thing that pops in my head was African American hairstyles. You know why? Why it's not okay for people who aren't black and don't have black hair to take - comment at all. But also take that aesthetic and wear it like you have no idea, the history, the practicality, like there's so many things that go into those hairstyles, how much care takes, and like the the community aspect of it too. It takes hours and hours and hours and hours and hours to make hairstyles like that. That's a whole other facet of that community and that culture. And we just kind of take it and wear it because it looks cute. Well don't because - we take it wear it because it looks cute or it's like an aesthetic thing. You can appreciate somebody's aesthetic, or trendy like you can appreciate somebody who's esthetic without stealing it and like wearing it. It same thing with Native American culture or like indigenous peoples with like, the head dresses and feathers and stuff. Don't do that. Don't do any of that stuff. It's terrible, 

Kristin Wood - 43:49  
Especially when you it's not something that you're even educated about. involved with. You know, I mean, it's, you know, people will say, Oh, it's an expression. Oh, sometimes I'm kind of like, like, what do we know? You know, and that's, that's not always but can can be privilege. entitlement and ignorance. And again, not saying dumb, there's a difference. You can be highly intelligent, very ignorant.

Ralph Andracchio - 44:19  
And then and then the next step is knowing that you screwed up and say, Oh, I'm going to educate myself. And I think that's the difference. I think people when you hide behind your privilege and say, Oh, well, it was just, you know, whatever. And just, I just wore that hairstyle, because it was cute, you know, okay, fine, whatever. Like, no, that's not that's not the right answer. Say, oh, you know what, I get it. I'm going to educate myself. I appreciate you calling me out and saying it. I'm going to do better. Great, but that also I understand. That also puts you in a place of less power, having to admit a mistake and say, You know what, I was wrong. I'm going to do better next time. Not not a good place to be not a comfortable place to be in 

Kristin Wood - 45:05  
No but I saw so much of the stuff to cut you off. But I saw so much of this. Especially when you know the Black Lives Matter movement. I should also say movement because it's the issues that prompted the movement had been going on for way too long. And the protesting and the rioting and all that all that and all the discussion that that surfaced just really prominently. There were a lot of people that some a lot of clients or maybe some people I knew personally, that were really I think humbled of like holy crap, I really have not known what the hell I've been doing, thinking, contributing to just not knowing enough about and I did see that not saying these were super like people walk around like I'm so important, but just just seeing taking a step back and really recognizing that I have a lot to learn. I have a lot to do I want to do and a lot of I don't know what to do, but I want to do something and a real awakening that Okay, did where did it go from there? I don't know. But it was pretty it was a lot of people and you know, have really been like, Gosh, I really didn't get it. And now I want to get it. I'm not really sure how I'm being very uncomfortable with it with themselves and just not in a bad. Way deflated. That sounds terrible. But just really like compelled to say like, I don't know what the right word is just like Oh, wow. Oh, I didn't know I was doing this. I don't know if you know what I mean? 

Ralph Andracchio - 46:49  
Yeah, yo, no, absolutely. 

Kristin Wood - 46:50
I saw a lot of that. But uh, you know, ultimately that's not enough. For - to make the changes that need to be made in this country. But I thought it was the only time I've ever seen that. So anyway, I kind of think that speaks to what you're saying. 

Ralph Andracchio - 47:07  
Yeah, absolutely. It's, it's and there's people who are much smarter than me that that can speak to this specific point but there is a there is a actual term for like when we as white people realize oh, wow, like the system is not Wow, this is this is screwed up. How the system is set up for me and it way and also realizing we have the power to to make changes that other people don't. And the more you know I want to I want to shift into like, ways that people can kind of address this in their own lives. And I think you said a great things like addressing it in real time when it happens. Like you seeing somebody talking to somebody and you're building and you can go up and say hey, no, no, no, no, no, no smack his hand, you know, or, you know, the last episode we have with Aubrie and Shannon, Aubrie is great at making sure posts are accessible for everybody. You know, she she re re upped reposted her her posts about our last episode because the closed captioning wasn't right. Not closed captioning. Yeah, the captioning wasn't right. And she wanted to make sure it was right so people could read it. That kind of stuff. It's Yes, it's an extra step but really it's time well spent. Because I'm I'm trying to make it a point to put subtitles on all my videos and like make sure everything's accessible. Because I it's just first of all, it's just good business. Like the more people that see my stuff is the more people that can connect with me to do stuff but also I want people to enjoy my content. I enjoy making it I want people to enjoy listening to it or reading it or experiencing it. Little things you can do like that. And the second really big thing is educating yourself. Please educate yourself, you know speaking as a member of the LGBT community, I'm tired. I don't I don't have time to educate you about what I go through.

Ralph Andracchio - 49:25  
I don't I don't I don't that's not my job. And I'm tired. I have enough going on in my life. I don't need to educate you about you know my fight for equality. It's so that's why I watch videos I do that's why I Google stuff. That's why if I know somebody personally, who is okay with having the conversation, you know, I can ask them Hey, are you okay with having this conversation? Or ask them little things you know, especially like for me, what pops into my head is is I am friends with a few trans people. And yes, there was a learning curve in terms of pronouns, you know, making sure I'm using the correct pronouns. And I learned very early on if I screw up and use the incorrect pronoun, and I'm corrected, just move on with the conversation. correct yourself, use the right pronoun and then move on. Don't make it about you. Like if I go in oh my god, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to do that. Oh, God, this must be terrible. Now I'm making it about me. Being sorry. And not about like, oh, I screwed up. Alright. They Great. Let's move on. That's what you're supposed to do. And I learned and so I think for people who want to change and grow and use their privilege for good rather than evil I think that's a big thing is to educate yourself Google stuff, talk to people talk to people who don't look like you.

Kristin Wood - 50:53  
That's exactly what I was gonna say. Yes, I think the education piece is so important. But I think looking expose yourself makers get connected to people who are not like you. I am intentional about this in my life. I want to know people that aren't like me because it's just enriches my life. I learn I grow. I like to be around people that are just different than me. I mean, I don't want to be around the same kind of people as me. So that is the best but like, well, the education part isn't on you. But that is really how you can really grow a lot is by just knowing different people that are different from you and having those conversations with them. Not that it's their job to educate us. But just having that exposure. I think a lot of what keeps people stuck in these places of privilege and entitlement and ignorances because they're around all people they're just like them only all the time. So they can't get it. Even though they read a book they might not get it. You have to be exposed to people are different. And for white cisgender people maybe you have to be intentional about it sometimes

Ralph Andracchio - 52:02
You have to be more intentional about it. 

Kristin Wood - 52:04  
Yeah, maybe you got to go out and put yourself in situations is gonna expose you to different kinds of things and different kinds of people. religion, race, sexual orientation, whatever, like all of it.

Ralph Andracchio - 52:14  
Yeah, absolutely. We could talk for 20 hours about this. We did a lot. I would say if anybody's listening to this and has a strong reaction or strong opinion, we got something wrong, which we absolutely may have. Please let us know because we we have we want to use our position and our voice to amplify points of view and topics that may not be amplified. So that's one thing I want to do with the show is make sure that we talk about topics like this that that may not get you know the airtime that they need. 

Kristin Wood - 52:57  
Yeah, we may not always get it right. We may say especially as to two white people sitting here we may have said something that that offended somebody or was incorrect and we welcome you. It's heyletmeaskyousomething@gmail.com Yeah. If you want to email us directly, you know, because I know this is a this is a sensitive topic, but an important topic that we we thought we would try to try to get to,

Ralph Andracchio - 53:23  
I mean, there's no dancing around it. I mean, there's topics eventually we're going to get to that are like this. It's a it's a, you know, a minefield, and but it's we have to talk about it.

Kristin Wood - 53:36  
Yeah. And I think just always going off to making sure I get this out there that like I don't claim to know everything because I make these attempts to do certain things in my life. I don't claim that I'm not in you know, I'm not a cisgender white woman with privilege because I sure am, and I never do something. You know what I mean that I've never been discriminatory. Maybe not on purpose or not realized my privilege here or there. Of course, we're just trying to grow and learn like everyone else.

Ralph Andracchio - 54:08 
Absolutely. So yes, again to reiterate if you want if you have an opinion and you want to share it with us, yeah, you can email us heyletmeaskyousomething@gmail.com. We are also on Instagram @heyletmeaskyousomething. We are on Facebook. @heyletmeaskyousomething. Both of us are on Instagram, LinkedIn, you know every you can find us we're not hiding. So even if you don't connect with the show directly and you connect with one of us directly, please do that because we want to make sure that we're giving out good information. And we're not just assuming a lot of stuff. We're trying our best and we want everybody to try their best as well and connect and grow and talk and so cool. Thanks. That's it right? 

Kristin Wood - 54:59
I feel like this was deep today. 

Ralph Andracchio - 55:01
Yeah, I need to I need to take a nap.

Kristin Wood - 55:02  
Yeah. I was gonna say I need to lay down and eat more of those chip things

Ralph Andracchio - 55:06 
Delicious. Yeah, we're not gonna plug but there are delicious. We may I don't know. All right. All right, everybody. Thank you so much for listening, and we'll see you next time. Bye.

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Transcribed by https://otter.ai