Hey! Let's Talk to Jim and Kai About Comedy as a Crutch - S03E04

On this episode, Kristin and Ralph talk to the co-hosts of The Rotten Treasure Podcast Jim O'Donnell and Kai Bobbi about comedy, who gets into the world of comedy, and how humor can be a great sword and shield.

Jim O‘Donnell (He/Him) and Kai Bobbi (They/Them) invite fellow comedians to watch and review movie franchises that arguably went on longer than they should have. Each week will focus on a singular installment of whichever franchise they are covering at that time. You can find Jim and Kai's podcast on your preferred podcast app. Be sure to follow their social media for general tomfoolery. Linktree below!

DISCLAIMER:
The views expressed on the Hey Let Me Ask You Something Podcast are solely the opinions of your hosts Kristin Wood and Ralph Andracchio and are based on their years of practical and clinical experience. These opinions do not constitute any kind of advice, diagnosis, or treatment of any mental, physical, or emotional issues. If you are having an emergency or any serious ongoing situations please contact your local hospital or a trusted professional.

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The Rotten Treasure Linktree

Transcript

The Hey Let Me Ask You Something Podcast
Season 03
Episode 04
Hey! Let's Ask Jim and Kai About Comedy as a Crutch

[MUSIC INTRO PLAYS] - 00:00

Ralph Andracchio  0:08  
Hey folks, this is Ralph and you're listening to The Hey Let Me Ask You Something Podcast, the show dedicated to inspiring more people to ask more questions and have more interesting conversations. On this week's show, Kristin and I are talking to Kai Bobbi and Jim O'Donnell from The Rotten Treasure Podcast about comedy and its use as protection and diversion.

Kai Bobbi  0:33  
Nobody likes to watch someone try that desperately hard onstage. It's an awkward thing. And you're like, you don't have to just be in the scene regularly and stop twirling and being Are you you know, like, you hurt yourself. Like, that was the thought I'm pretty sure most of the audience thought in my like, 101 like, are you okay?

Jim O'Donnell  0:49  
I don't want people to think that I'm actually like, full of myself. So I'm going to put myself down and then it and then it gets too far to the pendulum swings all the way to the other end. And then some people are like, Hey, you're better than what you talk about yourself. And I'm like, Don't do this to me.

Ralph Andracchio  1:03  
And the best way for you to help us inspire more conversations and easily find more of our killer episodes, is to hit that subscribe button and share this show with your friends. And check us out on YouTube and Instagram as well. We've taken over the world basically at this point. And remember, we love that you're listening but this show is for entertainment and we are not your therapist or your coach. We are not providing any professional advice either from us or our guests. Give the full disclaimer in the show notes a once over for more info on that all right let's start the conversation 

Ralph Andracchio  1:44  
...up this morning that's the it's getting brighter out earlier

Kristin Wood  1:48  
right now I'm noticing because it's not pitchblack in here and it's almost like evening

Ralph Andracchio  1:53  
This is a very nice. I wish I could turn people around to see like you have a really nice view of the Philadelphia skyline and it is very pretty

Kristin Wood  1:59  
I love it I don't take it for granted when I first moved in here I had my face pressed against the glass on the regular just at nighttime it was more like so lit up and I was like oh I live here now wow

Ralph Andracchio  2:09  
People walking past are like she just moved in you can tell. Is she Okay, Ma'am do you need help?. Blink once for yes. 

Kristin Wood  2:20  
Luckily the window doesn't even really open. no, I had to worry. 

Ralph Andracchio  2:23  
That is my fear that, like we're on the 11th floor right now. Right? Like, I try to stay away from glass anywhere like above the second floor because I have this is first of all insane fear of heights. Second of all, I don't trust glass. Because I'm a Luddite. And I I've heard horror stories of people falling out of windows. So

Kristin Wood  2:46  
Not afraid of falling out the window. If I had a child or small pet like cat my friend's cat, she opens it like that likes to hop up and like, if I had children, I would be very nervous. But I can't fit out of there. So I'm not gonna fall out and like literally lean up against the glass on a regular.

Ralph Andracchio  3:04  
Just I see people leaning up against glass. Nope. Please. 

Kristin Wood  3:07  
No, I saw somebody sitting had taken screws out because they and was sitting on the ledge. Not trying to hurt themselves to my knowledge, but just thought that was a good idea. Wow, you fall. I don't even know what to say. But if I saw that again, I call the police. That was very scary.

Ralph Andracchio  3:27  
People are not well

Kristin Wood  3:29  
not. And they were not on the second floor.

Ralph Andracchio  3:33  
Oh, gosh I use I have I have distinct memories. I used to sing in the choir in church. And we were up in the choir loft. So it was like two three storeys up. And I have distinct memories of like looking over the edge into the pews below and like, getting vertigo and yeah grasping for dear life because I was terrified even then. And there was no chance of me falling. But 

Kristin Wood  3:56  
You sang up a couple notches there 

Ralph Andracchio  3:58  
I was a tenor in the in the choir. 

Kristin Wood  4:01  
Oh, Ralph, maybe we should have an episode where you sing the introduction.

Ralph Andracchio  4:05  
 We still have to come up with a theme song

Kristin Wood  4:07  
I could hum the background. 

Ralph Andracchio  4:09  
Hey. Can I ask you something. 

Kristin Wood  4:14  
We were doing that. And it was really bad. We have not gotten our training done

Ralph Andracchio  4:17  
No we actually got a letter from the FCC that said Don't ever try that. 

Kristin Wood  4:23  
We don't have a mascot either.

Ralph Andracchio  4:25  
We will soon.

Kristin Wood  4:27  
That's true. We will. Oh. Everyone get excited.

Ralph Andracchio  4:31  
We will have a mascot coming very soon. And we're not joking. There's actually something coming. Let's get into the show. We have guests waiting in the wings. They were kind enough to have us on their show and it was an absolute blast. And then we invited them on our show and they they had a really good question slash topic that I'm really interested to dig into. So please welcome to our show the hosts of Rotten Treasure Podcast. Kai Bobbi and Jim O'Donnell. Yay.

Kai Bobbi  5:08  
I instinctively wanted to like go, beh-beh-beh. That's how you welcome people. I don't know, Jim. How you doing? You okay. 

Jim O'Donnell  5:15  
Yeah, I'm doing I'm doing great.

Ralph Andracchio  5:20  
Had to pull up the sound file. 

Kai Bobbi  5:21  
Yeah. You have to pay for that. I'm sorry. 

Ralph Andracchio  5:25  
Welcome everybody. 

Kristin Wood  5:26  
Yes. Thank you so much again. I'm excited.

Jim O'Donnell  5:29  
Thank you. Yeah, I barely been wanted to show up for a second cuz I was like, I just want to listen to these two talk forever, right?

Kristin Wood  5:37  
Yeah, I can talk forever so that would be a long forever for you

Ralph Andracchio  5:40  
It would be a long forever. Thank you for having us on your show. Again. I want to give you as many plugs as possible, Rotten Treasure. It's an amazing podcast. You You know, you'll explain it better than I can. Why don't you give a little tidbit to the audience of what they can expect when they do listen to your podcast? Because they will1 

Kristin Wood  5:59  
Absolutely

Kai Bobbi  6:00  
I hope so. Yeah, come please come listen to me and Jim invite... Well first off, listen to the one episode with the four of us and the journey into wherever your heart takes you because we had like a year of just Oh, geez. Franchises go Jim. Go what are they?

Jim O'Donnell  6:14  
Oh, jeez Indiana Jones, Home Alone, Aladdin that one time. Lord of the Rings. We did Nightmare on Elm Street with Ralph and Kristen. Uh, I'm sure there's other ones I'm missing.

Kai Bobbi  6:27  
Yep. You blocking out doing Pitch Perfect. You don't want to talk about

Ralph Andracchio  6:32  
Did you do all three Pitch Perfects?

Jim O'Donnell  6:34  
We did. Yeah. That's the that's the point of the show, Ralph.

Kai Bobbi  6:41  
So yeah, we, we watch every single installment of a movie franchise and we bring on honestly, we talk about this and before we get into the recordings with our guests, but we bring on people because we're interested in them in the way like interested in having a conversation with them. We find them interesting. And we're just friends and lovely people that we have on. Yeah, it's it's a it's a ride.

Ralph Andracchio  7:03  
It's it was such it was fun for us to watch the movie together. Because Kristin was not familiar. And I I unfortunately was. It's terrible. But then it's it's more about like the conversation that it starts. So it was really nice conversation with both of you. And that's why I wanted you have to have you on our show. Because we're gonna have another fun conversation.

Kai Bobbi  7:26  
Yay, we're gonna I'm guessing we're gonna stay on topic on like our podcast.

Ralph Andracchio  7:31  
Nah, absolutely not. Yeah. We should we should rename the show. Hey, let's go on a tangent. Because that's all that happens. No, but you had a great idea. And I will let you Kai explain it because you came up with it. But what stuck in my head was, since we're three of us, three out of the four of us are comedians in some way shape or form. You're honorary. 

Kristin Wood  7:57  
I think I'm a beginner 

Ralph Andracchio  7:59  
You're a beginner. You have Yeah, absolutely more more seasoned have more more time under our belts. Let me say it that way. Um, but the topic of comedy as armor comedy as weapon comedy as umbrella for the storm, whatever the case may be came up. And it was intriguing to both of us. And we wanted to have you both on to kind of talk through. Why? Or how does that happen? Like I I know a lot of people think that to be a good artist, you need some pain in your life, you know, painter, singer, comedian, whatever the case may be. There's a lot of tragic stories out there. So it's an interesting topic of why why is it that pain or tragedy or something makes a good artist or makes a good comedian and then they use that to kind of armor themselves against other things. And I think that's where and how destructive it could be. So that I think that's a good place to jump off. Kai did you want to kind of go into what you were thinking?

Kai Bobbi  9:05  
Well, yeah, it's it's kind of pointing to you know, people just being I kind of like stems from Well, the fact that Jim and I Well, Jim and I or I was trying to think of something that Jim and I could talk about and originally I wanted to do like about our friendship or about adult friendship. And one of the tying threads I've realized between our our friendship is that we used to have very much so similar like little kid like run around like bang, bang, bang, hey, energy.

Jim O'Donnell  9:34  
We both had our cowboy phase.

Kai Bobbi  9:36  
Yeah. And also kind of just like, I don't know, I was the interrupter Barger into the room with like, you know, little funny zingers and then popping out entertaining my parents kind of kid and and I think we bonded over that. So I was like, Oh, that'd be That'd be funny to talk about because, like, you know, you you brought up tragedy. I love my jaded friends. I find that most of my jaded friends are just very interesting. People, and a lot of them are artists and creators and people who have found outlets that really serve them. And yeah, I just I don't know, I certainly this topic hits hard for me because I've done it as a coping mechanism for most of my life. That's not necessarily the worst, I'm sure it can be in some ways, but as I understand it, I don't know, I feel like it benefits me. In that I'm just, it constantly keeps me on my toes to be interested in be fascinated and like play and just like, I don't know, go play like, I don't know if that's how I might be rambling here but kind of explore areas that I may not have had if I hadn't been a little bit jaded by my world. I appreciate the shakeups because it made me into much more of a I don't know. I'm so worldly No, I've just it makes it but it's given me more experiences in order to just like, you know, feel a little bit more well rounded out and like, try to feel out where I'm at. And oddly enough, I'm really, like comic driven people and people who like to, to laugh with me and like play along. Yeah, they've they've really, it's, it's worked out well, because they're usually the people who are willing to just like gut themselves and be honest and build honest, genuine relationships with you. They validate your reality. And they're not afraid to talk about the bad stuff. So yeah, those are my feelings. I love funny people for, for the fact that they're just real. And I yeah, that's where I'm at with that topic at the moment.

Ralph Andracchio  11:41  
You you. Hearing you talk, it made me think about when I was a kid, I am the last of eight children. So For me, my mom was very tired. So for me, and busy. For me, it was kind of like not only standing out in a crowd, but kind of that like running into rooms and like pew, pew pew. And like, I was like the annoying little brother for a lot of time. But it was just some of it was finding my place in the pack. Some of it was a buffer for because you know, being the younger brother, you get picked on mercilessly. So it was a little bit of that. And then that kind of translated into school because that was the same thing would happen in school and like, Oh, if I'm funny, people don't pick on me, you know. So that made me think about that. And what do you 

Kristin Wood  12:30  
No, it's funny, I haven't thought about this until now. I mean, I've talked about it in different contexts. But I think we're pretty funny family in general. But I definitely am the middle child. And I definitely command a lot of attention. And I'm pretty funny. And I can be like entertaining, I'm kind of that role in my family. And I think a lot of it has to do with like my birth order and other things that were going on in my family. And that being heard and seen. Like you want to make sure you're heard and you're seeing well there weren't eight of us, but there were four. But yeah, I never really thought about it that way, in this context, but it's kind of hitting me right now. Because I have talked about that, like how I I did that I still kind of do it. And I do it with friends too. And but I like it on some in some aspects like me. But you know, in other aspects, maybe we look a little different.

Ralph Andracchio  13:22  
Yeah, Jim, any any family trauma, you want to get out what we're talking about?

Jim O'Donnell  13:27  
Yeah. Hard to say. Cuz I know. I had a pretty loving family. I was the I was I always say I'm the first youngest. Because we had my parents had my older sister, and then me 18 months later, and then eight years later, she had two other kids. So yeah, so I was originally the youngest for eight years. And then all of a sudden, I was a middle child. And so I kind of grew up the youngest. So I grew up the annoying little brother who's always doing things. But I don't know, I was thinking about this topic, before we're going into is like, I don't know, if I use humor as a coping mechanism at all, because I always thought it was like why, when I'm happy I'm, I'm funny. And then even thinking that was like, well, maybe that's my way of like justifying that. I'm happy like, well, you're happy because you're funny right now. And that's the that's the that's where the coping mechanism right? Lies. Who's to say,

Ralph Andracchio  14:27  
Chicken or the egg, right? 

Jim O'Donnell  14:29  
Yeah, yeah. But yeah, I didn't have a the kids where my family was fine. The kids around me. Were not they were they were mean to me. They were the mean people.

Ralph Andracchio  14:40  
Kids are the worst. 

Kristin Wood  14:41  
Yeah, they're so mean to each other sometimes.

Jim O'Donnell  14:45  
Yeah, don't like 'em. Not Not a fan. And then I guess that's where that's where the youth trauma came in. Yeah, well, we could circle around

Ralph Andracchio  15:00  
Well, I think that's, that's the other place that people find, you know, I can't speak for everybody who gets into comedy. But you know, that's where I found like, oh, there's something here is in school where, you know, kids pick on each other to kind of find the pecking order for lack of a better term. And, you know, having that you kind of separate out into the archetypes of like, that's the pretty one. And that's the handsome one. That's the athletic one. That's the funny one. There's Ralph. He's, you know, we don't know what to do with him. So for me that, well, also, it's it for me, I had the extra fun layer of I'm either funny or I'm gay. And I would much rather, that's for survival. Like I'd rather be funny because that that forgives a lot of stuff. You know? Sorry, I think I cut somebody off.

Jim O'Donnell  15:56  
No, I almost cut you off. Because I was about to ask where you consider the funny one around a high school or middle school or whatever, because we're all different people at those different periods,

Ralph Andracchio  16:08  
Right. I won a superlative. In senior when I was a senior, myself and my friend then Martha Volak. We were voted most unusual

Kai Bobbi  16:22  
that's a nice thing to say. But also kind of back handidly mean like a little bit

Jim O'Donnell  16:28  
I thought you were gonna say you got voted funniest. And I was gonna be so mad because I lost funniest because I was in the running and someone else won because I split the vote with someone else who was also funny.

Ralph Andracchio  16:39  
See politics are a crock. What did you win a superlative? 

Kristin Wood  16:43  
It's so bad,

Ralph Andracchio  16:45  
You're amongst friends. You don't have to if you don't want to.

Kristin Wood  16:53  
It was most polished, 

Ralph Andracchio  16:55  
You were most polished? 

Kristin Wood  16:56  
My mother was a very happy about 

Ralph Andracchio  16:58  
like put together

Kristin Wood  16:59  
Yeah. Like I went to all girls Catholic school, but I always like, shaved my legs did my hair probably had a little makeup on like, did my did all that every day even though I was going to school with all girls. So I don't know how I feel about it

Jim O'Donnell  17:15  
I was gonna say Did you feel most polished? 

Kristin Wood  17:18  
I was trying to fit in like every other teenager just trying to be cute amongst my peers. You know, girls are competitive with one another. And some throw that to the wayside and Catholic school and didn't shave their legs and came in with their hair on their head. But like I didn't grow up like that. So

Ralph Andracchio  17:34  
I feel a tangent coming on. Forgive me. Do you when you don't shave your legs now? Are you like, thank God? Like, do you Would you care if you never shaved your legs again?

Kristin Wood  17:45  
Oh, I don't care. It's just part of my own, like self care or the way I feel about myself. It's just like, growing up like that and being like that, and like doing my face and like getting dressed and looking nice. It's just kind of like part of like, who I am. For the most part. I mean, there's moments where it's not so much but, you know, it's just like, sort of my personality now. So no, I it's for me, it's not for anyone else. It's not like everyone's touching my leg all day. It's just that I like to do it for myself. Even in the pandemic. Do stuff to feel good about me.Yeah. That's all I got.

Jim O'Donnell  18:24  
Has anyone here ever shaved their legs? Like ever? 

Ralph Andracchio  18:30  
Huh? 

Jim O'Donnell  18:33  
Has everyone here? Like ever shaved their legs?

Kai Bobbi  18:35  
I don't know about y'all. But I lost Jim's video. 

Jim O'Donnell  18:38  
Yeah, my video. My video broke. I'm gonna look into it.

Kai Bobbi  18:42  
I'll still answer your question. Yes, I have. And I didn't really like I, I didn't really care for it. It just didn't work. For me. It was one of those things where like, it was very much around the time and I was like, Alright, cool. I'm non binary. We tell people about that. Cool. What should I do differently? You know, what do I have to do? Where's the manual and like stuff to do? And it was one of those things where I just like got to do side by side. And I was like, I'm gonna go with hairy

Kristin Wood  19:08  
I don't I mean, I have a choice but I guess

Kai Bobbi  19:11  
Oh, no, it's much stricter regulation of norm but also love you know, like, I feel so good and smooth that I was like, feels good. Oh, and then with stubble you're like yeah, F that that's why I usually just keep this going because I don't know I don't want to deal with constant stubble.

Ralph Andracchio  19:31  
yeah, I don't I don't have anything to work with up top. So there's my face is now my my hair. I love it. I love it. I when I when it first grew out, I told Kristin I would just lay on the couch with a comb and just comb it And Dan would be like, can you please stop? That it's terrible. Okay, yeah, I know I never shaved anything else. I think I tried like a little section of my leg once just to see what it was like. I was like, No, this, you know, genetics knew what they were doing these these gams look better with the hair.

Kai Bobbi  20:07  
I forget I forget

Kristin Wood  20:08  
My gams look better with a hairless. Yeah, 

Kai Bobbi  20:12  
It might have been Jim. I'm not sure who I said this to. I had an identity thing too and I shaved half of my chest too. And when it's just like one side. It's like when you're doing your Yeah, I was gonna say like Two Face on my chest. Like my and my stomach. Like all the way growing that back was such an awkward phase that I'll just never do. It was a learning experience. Yeah,

Jim O'Donnell  20:37  
it's so itchy. Yeah, boy, I want shaved my legs because I was like, let's see what this is like. And then I was like, Oh, I like it. But that was so much work. And I hate this in between part. So I'm never doing this again.

Ralph Andracchio  20:47  
Especially like, I know every guy listening to this or anybody with a hairy chest has shaved their chest at one point. And you know how utterly uncomfortable it is when that stuff starts growing back in like and you look like your chest is going through puberty again. Because it's all like, bumpy and ingrown and are and it's like, I can't sleep.

Jim O'Donnell  21:09  
Yeah, it's funny because I shaved my legs. I've never shaved my chest before. I was like, get rid of these legs. Chest. No, I like how this looks

Ralph Andracchio  21:19  
right. It's weird. What's socially acceptable?

Kristin Wood  21:22  
Like, I think it's different now. Yeah. I mean, I think way more things are. Yeah, it's got it's gotten a little bit better, I'd say. But it's yeah, it's just for me. That's what I do.

Kai Bobbi  21:34  
I feel like it's just changing. And also, depending on the circles, like I got yelled at, by someone just on the internet, who was just like, you're not trans. And I was like, Alright, this is interesting. Let's follow where this conversation goes. This could be fun. I was like, Cool. What's up? They're like, you have a beard. Stop calling yourself trans was like, Oh, cool. So I have a beard. I can't be trans got it. I just decided to ask more questions. And it kind of kept going probably longer than it needed to but haha, tried to find the funny in it

Jim O'Donnell  22:04  
What an interesting gate to, to install. Like, that's where that's where they're they that's where their line is?  Yeah, 

Kai Bobbi  22:14  
But I got what they were saying. You know, like, I was like, Oh, so you're saying that in a very binary sense that that's the limitation for someone to be you know, trans and I started to started asking a lot of questions. I was like, Okay, I see that very like, unfortunately not really open. And I wish that like I hope that you find like the ability to like really open that up a bit and you know, kind of Godspeed. Yeah.

Ralph Andracchio  22:35  
There's women that have beards.

Kai Bobbi  22:37  
And it's one of the things I brought up. Yes. I mean variety of them across the gender spectrum. 

Ralph Andracchio  22:43  
Yeah, I mean,beards are not why gatekeep beards. Beards do not need our help. Beards are just beards,

Kristin Wood  22:49  
I'm not gonna get a beard. If you want to have a beard have a beard.

Ralph Andracchio  22:52  
I think you would look great in a beard.

Kai Bobbi  22:55  
And luckily, there's an app for that. So

Kristin Wood  23:00  
I do not think I would look good in a beard

Ralph Andracchio  23:02  
as the only one on the panel without a beard, I think you need to grow one. Immediately. Push, push really hard and see what comes out 

Kristin Wood  23:02  
Like beard extensions? 

Ralph Andracchio  23:10  
Yes. 

Kai Bobbi  23:11  
Oh, my God. Yes. Is that what you've been doing is you just push out your beard? I haven't been trying that.

Ralph Andracchio  23:16  
It's like the playdough man you just push and it comes out their head

Jim O'Donnell  23:20  
Yeah, I actually I push the back of my head and it starts coming out like that.

Ralph Andracchio  23:26  
Please date us. Getting back to comedy, which what just happened was an example just what I'm talking about. And we're in it. We avoid hard conversations by taking it on a weird funny, but also, I like to see it this way as and I think this is probably my improv training kicking in. But when I hear something interesting that comes up in a conversation, I want to explore it because it's interesting, it piques my interest that that made my improv brain is like, there's something there. Let's talk about that and explore. It's gonna be fun. So I don't want to in some ways, I do see it as a defense mechanism. And in other ways, I just see it as like, Oh, it's just like, I've been trained to do that, because it's fun for the conversation. But I can see them both is like yes, but you're doing that because it got uncomfortable.

Kristin Wood  24:19  
Can I go? I don't think it's bad or good? I think it's, it's it. It's not black and white. It's, it's fine, if that's what you're doing in a moment and a space to feel better, and defense. But if that's all you do, and you're never really allowing yourself to feel you're never really sharing and being vulnerable with others and getting what you need from that, that's when I think it becomes problematic. It also can be I'm not saying with you guys, but it can be self deprecating. And in minimizing like, I have clients that do this, they're not comedians, but they use humor and play down how they're feeling or put themselves down in a funny way. That's when I think it becomes destructive. If that's all you're doing it you know, it's one thing if you do it, then you like you're on stage or you're with your improv or comedy friends, and you're doing it and then But then you're processing it for for real, somewhere else. But I think if you're constantly minimum, I mean, that could be a part of some of our fallen folks, that I think some of them have pretty severe addiction and mental health problems like Robin Williams and Chris Farley and multiple other major talents we lost. And, you know, I have to wonder when I see that, like, did they get the help they needed? Were they able to like, maybe not, and that's when I think it can become very destructive.

Jim O'Donnell  25:52  
I had a interesting thing with that where I can get very self deprecating myself. And I always found I always did it because I have a thing where a lot of people think I'm arrogant. And think I'm very, they think I'm, I have this huge head and that I think I'm a golden god, which might be because sometimes I declare that about myself. But

Kai Bobbi  26:21  
he's always shouting that in the middle of the street. I am a golden god. I'm like, Jim, you can't

Jim O'Donnell  26:26  
if I ever have a good show in improv, I yell it, But yeah, I do that a lot. Because I'm like, Oh, I don't want people to think that I've actually like, full of myself. So I'm going to put myself down and then it and then it gets too far to the pendulum swings all the way to the other end. And then some people are like, you know, you're you're better than what you talk about yourself. And I'm like, Don't do this to me. I can't I can't find that middle ground.

Kristin Wood  26:53  
Well, I think I don't want to get to therapy-ish here, but I think it's also there's a difference between arrogance and brag, braggerty it is that a word of bragging and confidence. And I think sometimes people get tripped up and when they're confident and believe in themselves. They think that's being arrogant. And so that's what can then lead to the self deprecating try to offset that. And I think that's that's a shame because self confidence is self confidence and you know, it's not the same as arrogance I think arrogance is often stem from insecurity anyway, people have to be puffy and blow things up because they really, for real don't feel good about themselves. Confidence is solid sound and quiet.

Kai Bobbi  27:38  
I I'm like kind of worried that I'm too confident, but thank you I rather that than arrogant, but I can't stop. Like, I love to visualize it. So confidence. I like the kind of person who like walks into a door without knowing where it's gonna go. Right and then just like, Oh, wrong room I'll tap dance out that you know, so that kind of, you know, is generally how I conversate and connect with people. Yeah, so I don't know. Sometimes you do this thing where you're like, I guess I'll say it wrong and then comically work my way back. If that makes sense. Do you ever just like, I tend to I tend to find the right people to just like, let loose to just like, say the rough draft out real easy. And know that, you know, we'll be able to like, laugh it off or kind of like laugh off how I oddly said it or oddly put it that they're not gonna judge me.

Ralph Andracchio  28:36  
Yeah. And I love going back to childhood trauma because that's where we live. Right? That's where I have a little summer house in the Poconos. Childhood Trauma, Pennsylvania

Kai Bobbi  28:51  
You could make it a thing people would pay to go there.

Ralph Andracchio  28:54  
Near its near Altoona, if you look on a map. So I think just for me, personally speaking for myself, I got into being self deprecating with humor, because I saw other people making fun of me when I was little. And I said, Well, I'm just going to own that then I'm going to take it away from you. I'm going to own that power and make fun of myself before anybody else can and then I don't have to deal with that trauma of people making fun of me. No, you know what all those things you're going to make fun of me for I meant to do that already. Did it meant to do it funny. Haha. Right?

Jim O'Donnell  29:29  
I I remember the second I learned that lesson. Because someone had made fun of me for a thing. Oh, I remember it was some kid. I did something weird because I was a weird kid. You know how you're Yeah. Yeah, I said something weird. And some kid was like, Man, how long did it take for you to escape the insane asylum? Which terrible joke No. Good. Bad joke. Yeah, got it. Structurally structurally bad but other for other reasons as well.

Ralph Andracchio  29:59  
No, that was joke. Yeah, nothing structurally structurally bad, but other for other reasons as well. 

Ralph Andracchio  
No, that was not a comedian.

Jim O'Donnell  
No, no, I

Kai Bobbi  
No that's drunk person who went to an open mic and just showed up and was like

Jim O'Donnell  
You are all nailing the exact personality of this person. And I just remember being like, took a while, and then that that guy went, Oh my god. It was like that was actually funny and I was just like, Don't do this to me that I'm now going to insult myself all the time so that you can fake it make it seem like I'm this bad on purpose.

Ralph Andracchio  
Yeah. And I think it's because I've veered into the helping arts and now I'm like a coach and have my own business and helping people through a lot of this stuff. I've learned to temper my self deprecating humor because I realized I was that guy who would walk into bars and hang out with friends and every word, every line out of my mouth was a joke or a punch line, or like, That's what she said. And like, I realized people were getting sick of it because I was getting sick of it. And I didn't want to be that guy. I didn't want to be that guy who people were like oh Ralph's gonna be at the party. gag you know, I wanted to be welcome and everybody be like, Oh, Ralph's, here great. We always have a fun time. And a lot of that was me saying I need to be kinder to myself, and not there's other ways to be funny and humorous without completely tearing myself apart just because it's comfortable. You know, and I saw myself do that as an extension with me and Dan, like, we would go out and we would be funny with each other, but we would be like, I'm gonna kill you when we get home and like we're gonna I'm gonna strangle you and love you. You know, it's a weird, like, violent, fun comedy, like couple thing that people do. And I realized

Kai Bobbi  
and no one's gonna find the body. Yeah. And

Ralph Andracchio  
people weren't laughing along with us people were I read people's faces and they're like, ooh, are they mad at each other? And I realized it wasn't translating. We we knew we were joking. But nobody else did. And so we temper that as well now, because it's just not. It's not funny to people. And it's more of like a defense thing than anything. I don't know. Do you find does anybody else do that?

Kai Bobbi  
I mean, the fake fights that I have with, like friends or partners are usually intentionally to avoid talking to people with clipboards on street. Oh, it's a good one. Yeah, you just you just be like, No, I didn't move your chair like why would I move your chair?

Ralph Andracchio  
Your mom's coming? No,

Kai Bobbi  
right? Yeah, the more you can absolutely not want to get into it the better. And also, it's just kind of fun to do it in a supermarket and be like, Babe, did you get the yams you know, it's, it's, I also just don't like babe and sorry if anybody likes calling their partner babe, but I usually do it like jokingly with my like hey babe. No, we go with cutie. That's our gender neutral. Yeah, yeah. It works one for us.

Ralph Andracchio  
I'm always fascinated by another tangent coming in everybody tangent alert. I'm always fascinated by how we infantilize the people we love... baby cutie little little nugget, little pickle. You know, it's like why why would you want to be in love? With somebody who's a little baby you know? we all do it.

Jim O'Donnell  
I don't I just doesn't that's a whole different issue for me but yeah, I don't like doing that. I like good. I don't like the baby. Doll Face.

Kai Bobbi  
Good morning, partner.

Kristin Wood  
Hi, gentlemen.

Jim O'Donnell  
cowboy hat.

Ralph Andracchio  
Howdy ma'am. 

Kristin Wood  
FIne person. 

Ralph Andracchio  
Good day. cohabitator. Eggs?

Kai Bobbi  
Have you seen my toothbrush? Good, sir. 

Ralph Andracchio  
Oh, my God. Oh, boy.

Kristin Wood  
i I have a thing. 

Ralph Andracchio  
Please. 

Kai Bobbi  
Yeah. 

Kristin Wood  
So I don't know. It's sort of a random thing I'm gonna say.

Ralph Andracchio  
Yes.

Kristin Wood  
I think around this one of the pieces if someone is exclusively doing this, where they're minimizing their own feelings and using comedy and self deprecating it what happens as far as relationships not just a relationship with yourself, which is You're damaging if that's all you're doing, in my opinion, like you're just putting yourself down all the time. But you're also preventing connection and like, more intimacy within the relationships that you have, because when people play it down or use humor to minimize how they're feeling then other people receive that like, Oh, they're okay like they're okay. They're being funny about it. It's not such a big deal. Whereas that individual very much might need support, and need validation and need that intimacy and connection with somebody but they're uncomfortable doing so. So make somebody that's already possibly struggling and then she says, example, be more isolated and alone with when they really actually need to connect and have the support of others. So that's, that's one of the can become really problematic.

Ralph Andracchio  
No, I love that and it also trains other people to treat you that way. 

Kristin Wood  
Yeah, they're gonna think you're always fine. No big deal. 

Ralph Andracchio  
Oh, you'remaking fun of yourself. I can make fun of you

Kristin Wood  
must be fine with it when in fact that's not the case.

Kai Bobbi  
If you're slightly off. They make it a big deal. Like that's not okay to be that too. You know what I mean? Like, if you're if you're down shifting and you're not as peppy, it's okay to like constantly be the GO GO GO funny.

Ralph Andracchio  
Well, also calling back to what you like Robin Williams and Chris Farley. You know, those. I can't speak for them, obviously. But from what I know of their stories, there were people who they were struggling and everybody like we're talking about just assumes like, Oh, they're fine. Oh, they're party and they're fine. They're having they're they're they're. Got a good time. A good time, Charlie, you know, Which is it's, it's damaging to everybody. You know, it's they they I'm sure felt super isolated because they had this role they had to play and couldn't ask for help because it would be out of character. And they would feel out of their comfort zone.

Jim O'Donnell  
Yeah. It was a famous. There's a famous story of Chris Farley, where he like pulled Ooh, Jim Breuer aside and was like, I'm struggling inside and then Jim Breuer was like Oh, my God, he is struggling.

Ralph Andracchio  
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And well, that goes hand in hand with things we talked about on the show about mental health being devalued. In general, like people's mental hygiene, and add on top of that, the the role that people play of I'm the I'm the fun guy. I'm the fun lady. I'm the comedian. You know, I'm the partier and it's, it's triply hard then to open up to anybody and get the assistance that you need to get on a level playing.

Kristin Wood  
And even on a little bit of tangent, but like for those people to they were just like. They were just so that that was just where they went all the time. So I think even when there were people reaching out to try to help them they were so uncomfortable with going there too.

Ralph Andracchio  
Yeah, absolutely. Do you question for the panel? If you can go back, knowing what you know now and talk to yourself when you first got into the comedy world? Is there anything you would tell yourself to make the ride a little bit more? A little bit easier? 

Kristin Wood  
Ralph! We should be on TV with this, 

Ralph Andracchio  
I know right? 

Kristin Wood  
We are on the 

Ralph Andracchio  
ABC. We're still reaching out to you guys for...

Kristin Wood  
We've been promoting ABC as if they need our promotions.

Ralph Andracchio  
WipeOut is not doing well.

Kai Bobbi  
I mean, I think it's advice that I've actually gotten from gym which is great to get that kind of direct feedback from your friends. Which is that I just, you know, generally that I don't need to be funny, and don't try to hit with like hard hitting topical. Like, like basically it's kind of like that movie. I love you man. Or it's just like do less, do less well. You gotta do more than that, like you. Justice. Thank you for helping me in a non judgmental way to be curious about ways to just not try so hard because nobody likes to watch someone try that like, like, desperately hard on stage. It's an awkward thing and you're like, you don't have to just be in the same regularly stop twirling and being Are you you know, you're sure yourself like that was the thought I'm pretty sure most of the audience thought in my like, one on one like, are you okay?

Jim O'Donnell  
Oh, yeah. So someone told us story, a tangent. Someone told the story about they were conducted a 101 class, and at some point, a guy fell over and smashed his head into the wall and there was a huge hole in the wall and like the guy pretended like he was like, knocked out from it. And the person running the class was like, Okay, it's over, get up and then the person didn't get up because they were like, sticking to this bit. And the person was like, No, seriously, you alright. And they're like, oh, yeah, no, I'm fine. I was just I was just being funny because it's a 101 class.

Ralph Andracchio  
Yeah, what? That's, I think I would give myself the advice I give my tell my 101 classes. Number one, this is not therapy. Right? If you need therapy, please go see a therapist like Chris because they are trained to handle this. I am. I am a comedy teacher. I am not prepared to handle your trauma. I got enough on my own. I do not need yours. Thank you very much. Hamster yourself and I would say what you both said like Don't try so hard. You know, we we admire comedians, like think of any comedian you admire love watching TV or movies or whatever. They've been doing it so long, it feels effortless. And that that comes with patience. And practice and doing it long enough where you realize I don't have to force it. I don't have to be funny all the time. I don't have to look for the punch line. It should feel effortless. It feels like it's just you know, part of the conversation part of the world we live in it. That's that there's like a certain kind of Zen. I think that happens when you reach that point. Where if I could go back and tell myself, don't try so hard. Just let it happen and it'll happen. You don't need to force it. Yeah, yeah. Would you What would you tell yourself if you went back?

Kristin Wood  
I'm not a comedian

Ralph Andracchio  
Ten years.

Kai Bobbi  
I mean, you did say you were the funny one. So we're holding on to it when you get to call yourself as comedian is very weird. And I'm sure we all have feelings about it, right? Yes, we're deciding today. You are a comedian.

Jim O'Donnell  
Everyone here can consider themselves comedians.

Ralph Andracchio  
We're gate keeping that now? Yeah.

Ralph Andracchio  
Something you've learned now to be more like Zen that you could give yourself a little pro tip 10 years ago.

Kristin Wood  
Yeah, I think that you don't always have to be funny and always be the center of attention to feel included and feel like part of the group or the family or whatever it is. I think that would probably be what I've learned.

Ralph Andracchio  
Is it the isn't the reaction you get from people that makes being the comedian's. So, I know we've covered like the self defense part, but there is that part of like, ooh, people I'm getting a reaction from people people are laughing people are happy yeah, because I know just from going through trauma myself, I'm that people pleaser that's like everybody happy Y'all good. You got drinks food. Everybody's Okay. Everybody's happy. Great. I'm safe. Yeah, yeah, yeah. 

Kristin Wood  
Yeah,I think so. Yeah, just knowing everybody's happy no one's that everyone's having a good time. You know, middle child, they're paying attention to me right now. Yeah.

Ralph Andracchio  
Is that does that strike a chord with with either of you two about the like, people pleasing and like oh, everybody's happy? Okay, I'm saying I don't have to worry.

Jim O'Donnell  
It's it's interesting. You say that at one time someone had asked me Are you funny because you like making people happy? Are you funny because you want people to think you're funny. Like, do you do you want that? Wow. And I was like, I had a real hard thought about myself. And I was like, I want people to think I'm funny. I don't I don't necessarily want them to be happy. Like I like it's nice when people are happy. But that was a hard thing. I had to think about myself. I was like, Oh, no. Is this a is this a thing that I've internalized? Yeah, that I just want it I guess I want more center of attention type of thing. Then a people pleaser like sounds like like Ralph, who sounds like you might be the other end.

Ralph Andracchio  
Yeah. Oh, absolutely. Yeah, I got into it as an I can't remember who it was. But I heard somebody talk about this. And I was like, I'm checking all these boxes. Something else to add to my portfolio. Where I if I walk into a room, I am so attuned to how everybody else is feeling and acting like I don't want to say the empath thing because that's a little too overused right now, but I always focus in on that one. person that looks like they're not having a good time because that's where the threat is. For me. It's like, oh, I got to make sure that person's happy because then also that I can relax.

Kai Bobbi  
Their perspective is probably the most interesting one at that. Is it like at that event? You're like, it's, I don't know. I'm always Yeah, I feel you. I'm drawn to that person to be like, Oh, alright, let's this person is also scoping out this whole space. I wonder what they're thinking? Yeah.

Kristin Wood  
I do the same thing not as a comedian. I see someone that seems uncomfortable or maybe not good. I'm gonna like gravitate towards them and try to make them feel better

Jim O'Donnell  
I can. I was gonna say I can only do that if I'm comfortable myself. Like if I'm if I'm in a new group, I can't do that. I am the person who's out. But like, if I'm comfortable in a group, and then a new person comes in, I want to do my best to make sure that person doesn't feel like an outcast.

Kai Bobbi  
I mean, I was actually a food server. So like, is everyone and everything okay is generally like a vibe for comedy. And also it's found its way into my work as well. But that's I think that would be a big reason why I enjoy humor and why I go to it is I just for the most part, I want to make sure everyone in the circles do it. Okay. Checking in. You guys are good. Everyone's fine. All right, everyone. laughed at that you're not laughing what's going on? My joke might be bad but if I know what's going on like there's something I gotta I gotta

Ralph Andracchio  
I'd it also made me think maybe that's why I don't like prank shows. Like, just like yes, Bad Grandpa or, like just the ones where people don't know they're being made fun of and like, I don't like them. Number one, because a lot of them just aren't funny. I'm not saying any names, but you know who you are. But also it just makes me uncomfortable because I want everybody to be in on the joke. And I don't want anybody to feel uncomfortable of like I don't know what's happening. And it's not funny. To for somebody confusion to be funny. You know what I mean?

Kai Bobbi  
Yeah, I struggle with that. Yeah. Yeah, not doing it, but I hate seeing it. I always want to like get the person out of there that seems to have be having that happen to especially going back to waiting tables, but I know that person who's trying to be the life of the party, and in a very uncomfortable way for a lot of people and I'm just like go with me. way.

Ralph Andracchio  
Yeah, I think we've all had that. Like the joke going too far. Like okay, you're just oh yeah, you're just beating a dead horse. Now. Let's go get you some water. Yeah.

Jim O'Donnell  
Oh, you mean all of elementary school for me? Yeah.

Kai Bobbi  
These kids just drink it too much chocolate milk and just getting sassy. Like come on. You gotta calm down

Ralph Andracchio  
Yes, absolutely. What do you any any, anything bubbling up for you

Kristin Wood  
No Um, I feel like we hit some interesting points have been lots of places today

Ralph Andracchio  
we rung all of the dishwater out of the rag. Any any thoughts? Final Thoughts rattling around in the panel's brain?

Kai Bobbi  
I had a question actually. I thought this a little while. Back and you know, once again, we're all comedians are so I don't I don't know I'm not in particular I don't think I know your partners or your past partners. But I I'm wondering, do y'all tend to think to other funny people or comedians? Right. I Yeah, absolutely not, right. Absolutely not. Jim. I'm sorry. I'm not saying that. Rachel's not funny Rachel's funny

Jim O'Donnell  
Don't make me say that on a recording. 

Kai Bobbi  
You know what I mean? Like people I'm talking about not I'm not saying Funny People are not funny. Comedians are not comedians. It's really what I mean like the people that are actively, like doing the comedy or

Jim O'Donnell  
life of a comedy friend of mutual comedy. A friend of all of ours is a one time said, yeah, there's a difference between dating a comedian and being a normal person. And like, it's not necessarily like it's not like it's just different. It's not better or worse.

Kristin Wood  
I like if somebody's funny. Oh, i didn't mean to cut you off. I do like somebody who's funny if somebody isn't have any funny going on, and they're too intense. I don't like that. But I don't need, somebody be a comedian. I just need somebody to of course think I'm funny.

Kai Bobbi  
I steal my best jokes for my partner they're my partner's like actually the funny one

Kristin Wood  
You know has some some funniness about you.

Ralph Andracchio  
That's that everybody looks for that on their dating profiles. I want somebody funny who can make me laugh but you don't want to date a comedian Do you Sarah? Right. There's like a lot. There's a fine line. And I have never I don't think I've dated a comedian. But if I don't Dan's funny. Mezza mezz He's fine. He's okay. He can he'll he'll listen to this. We'll have a discussion. It's fine. But I think are I like somebody with a different kind of trauma than I have. So I don't think I could date a comedian because it would be like, too much of the same stuff.

Jim O'Donnell  
Yeah, it's like when you're hanging out with a comedian. It's just like everyone's doing a bit. And just like can we just talk like I remember when, when I first started doing comedy, I was like, Oh, these comedians are just going to be want to be doing bits all the time bits, bits bits, this it's going to be fun. And I could see very quickly how everyone was like, I am so annoyed by all these bits that are going on. Please just talk to me like a real person.

Kai Bobbi  
You're striking on it. I think home I don't I think it's what it is. I don't want home to have to be funny. And I appreciate that about my partner that's just like I'm not saying they're not funny once again they they literally one of the best jokes actually that was literally tell everybody is there like I got into comedy only because not because I like stand up or or I want to be up here but just because I want to show my partner how annoying it is to data stand up comedian. I'm not a stand up comedian. But I was like, that's funny. And I love it because they put it so I love hanging out with someone who's not like the exact opposite of trying constantly and just as naturally just every now and then. With these hilarious just blow me over laughter moments. I had a problem with my cat Harrison because he was just being a pain in the butt. Like jokingly, I was like, I gotta ask you Oliver just be real with me. What is your problem which yelling at a cat I don't actually mean it like fake yelling and like fake argument. And they just came up with and you're like, yeah, just Yes. I was like, Are we really going live? Our son right now. But I appreciate it the like, I died. I was just like, I didn't even know that we're home. Just like this backup come from you know?

Ralph Andracchio  
Yeah. And we don't want to take work home with us. And I think dating a comedian when you are a comedian or in the comedy or entertainment world, I think is too much like you need you need a respite. And I think and I think the the other person appreciates that too. Like, I don't I don't know a lot of people who share the same profession with each other. Like, if you're a doctor, you don't want to come home and talk doctor with another doctor. You know, no matter what Grey's Anatomy tells us, doctor you know what I mean? Like you want to mix it up a little bit. So that's another thing I think of why I don't want to date a comedian just because it's too it's too much. And Dan, and Dan wouldn't appreciate it if I didn't have the comedian.

Jim O'Donnell  
Yeah, I'm around myself all the time. We don't I don't need another.

Ralph Andracchio  
Folks, this has been fun. Yes. Yeah, I wanna I want to be mindful of our time because we could literally talk to you both for another five hours because this has been great. Time for plugs. So if you have anything going on jointly or separately, Now's the chance to tell everybody where they can see you or read you or watch you or listen to you.

Kai Bobbi  
Jim, do you want me to do it or do you wanna do it

Jim O'Donnell  
you start doing it cuz I got to look up. What they're all called on socials

Kai Bobbi  
Jim has time to do the socials. I will just say that we are called Rotten Treasure again, not Rotten Treasures as we've accidentally even called herself. Listen to our early episodes. We did it a lot. To me, Jim did a lot. Well, you introduced the show. He brings us in. But yes, every Thursday we at least try every Thursday. It's been pretty good lately. To get out an episode we are going through currently Nightmare on Elm Street as once again you we're on. So you know, feel free to come in on Nightmare on Elm street. Feel free to go all the way back to like Home Alone. You know, listen to stuff you wouldn't expect to enjoy. Like, why do you need to know about content from you know Tremors 5 Cold Blood is that what it's called Jim. Oh, no. Bloodlines. No bloodlines 5 bloodlines. It's where you find out Jamie Kennedy is Burt Gummer's son which by the way just ruin that for everyone? 

Jim O'Donnell  
I'm gonna have to air quotes ruin that.

Ralph Andracchio  
Can't ruin it any more than the filmmakers already have.

Kai Bobbi  
Come find out random spoilers like that and you know and also just have off topic conversations about like, Jim what other tragedies have happened in your life that have made it on to the podcast.

Jim O'Donnell  
Oh, are you gonna be talking about that time I talked about when I pooped my pants on the way to Lancaster

Kai Bobbi  
If you want to listen to that? Just you have to listen to every episode we have to find that story. Jim do you find our socials or what? 

Jim O'Donnell  
Yeah, I did. It's Rotten Treasure on Facebook, Rotten_treasure on Instagram and I don't know the Twitter because I don't I don't do Twitter.

Kai Bobbi  
It's either Rotten treasure podcast or rotten treasure. You know how to find stuff. We got a couple videos going on TikTok do that. Oh, like you know, also just follow us around if you're in Philadelphia, creep on Jim. I know you're Can I say his address on the podcast.

Jim O'Donnell  
No. Don't say my address.

Kai Bobbi  
Aside from that, yeah, go out and support your, your, your like your performer, friends, the ways you can and the ways you feel safe, the ways that feel safe. Especially right now a lot of people are going back to like online stuff. Support your friends online stuff. It's back up, you know, and it's gonna be a little back and forth. I'm sure for a hot minute. So yeah, yeah, we are here to help each other and like each other's creative content.

Ralph Andracchio  
Absolutely. And we will share all of the rotten treasure. social medias on the show notes so people can get them Jim Do you have anything specifically for you or together with Kai that you want to plug?

Jim O'Donnell  
Yes, this is sort of a Oh Kai's name is actually still on our Instagram. You can go I am we had I hadn't on the improv team that Kai used to be on until they left us and went to Minnesota. Um, but it's eh Daddy Issues improv on Instagram. And then daddy issues. I looked it up and I forgot it already. It's on. It's on Facebook. Daddy Issues improv comedy on Facebook. Yeah, that's a way that's a way to support local comedians. And also if Ralph ever does another thing go see him because as as someone from our improv team said once said The legendary Ralph Andracchio, Yeah

Kristin Wood  
I don't know, you might be on a whole other level famous in the improv world that I'm not privy to.

Ralph Andracchio  
Stop it that's very nice 

Kai Bobbi  
He usually wears like a crown so it's weird to see you without it Ralph.

Ralph Andracchio  
I want to I want to graduate to being that that performance teacher that just shows up in a beret and sunglasses and a scarf with a Starbucks and just sits in the back of the room like just warm up. I don't care.

Jim O'Donnell  
Oh, I thought you were gonna be like, you show up and then people start doing comedy and then you throw a chair you go it's crap!

Kai Bobbi  
Yeah like throw down like a cigarette like you just lit you know.

Ralph Andracchio  
Did I walk onto the set of Friends. This is terrible.

Jim O'Donnell  
Grab someone's face. You're like you're not feeling

Ralph Andracchio  
oh man. See, we can do this for literally. All right. You to stick around. Everybody listening to podcast. Thank you so much. If you want to get in touch with Kristin or I, all of our contact information is on the website. So check that out. And that's it. 

Kristin Wood  
See you next time. 

Ralph Andracchio  
See you next time everybody on Hey Let Me Ask You Something. I don't know. I'll work on that. 

[END OF EPISODE] - 56:26

Transcribed by https://otter.ai